'Pottering'

[Countrygardener21]

Aargh - help me argue this 'wife work' issue with DH please.

He has little or no interest in gardening. We have a biggish garden, he cuts the grass with gritted teeth, while I tend to make sure stuff is weeded, planted, pruned and basically not turning into a jungle.

He does most of the house maintenance, which he enjoys and I'm not particularly skilled at - although would give it a go, or pay someone to do.

We've just been to the local open gardens event, where he infuriated me by telling a neighbour he'd love to 'potter' in the garden of he had time.

He fails to understand why this pisses me off so much - I.e the implication that what he does is 'work', my contribution is 'pottering'.

We both earn a living (I am self-employed), with about the same amount of free time.

How to I get this across to him? I have finally just about got him to stop saying 'I've done that (insert traditionally female domestic task) for you.

Has he acknowledged that what you do in the garden is work?

It is perfectly possible for him to acknowledge that what he'd do in the garden would not be actual work.

But if he truly doesn't see the problem and minimizes what you do ... just do the same to him.
"Oh, DH just loves to potter around in the house with DIY, I sadly don't have the time", etc.

Good idea VV - although I suspect that will make us both more entrenched. We're both mid-50's and his mother did everything for him until he left home to live with me.

Over 30 years I've managed to get him to behave like the other equal partner in the relationship most of the time, then we hit something like this. Showing he never really truly gets it.

Gardening is an enjoyable hobby for some, and a grudgingly-performed chore for others.
Also, it's possible to do both gardening work and pottering, on the same or different days.
For me, cutting the lawns or the hedge is work and I don't enjoy it but it needs to be done. Meandering about and do an bit of this and a bit of that is pottering and I enjoy it.
He probably would enjoy pottering, but not the work.
For my grandparent's generation, the garden was the typical male domain - my grandad did plenty of work, but plenty of pottering too.