'Friendly' banter

[Rustypaperclip]

I debated posting this in AIBU as I'm really not sure. I couple of time recently I have been joking around with two different male friends over text. All quite innocent and nothing offensive from me. It has all been very lighthearted but they have both at times replied 'bitch'. I'm not at all against swearing, in fact I'm a fan of it quite often but being called a bitch, even in a jokey way, doesn't seem right to me. I politely challenged one friend and he apologised profusely but now a second friend has said it and I do feel that it is slightly derogatory.

I can accept being told that I am overreacting, and I'm not sure why it makes me so uncomfortable. Any opinions before I mention that I don't appreciate being called a bitch, even as a joke? I wonder if it bothers me that it may be seen as commonly acceptable to refer to a female friend as a bitch in jest, whereas I wouldn't call them a bastard or a wanker

It's not just that it's aimed at women. As Datun says it's often indicative of a particular misogynistic attitude to women. The same is not true of insults like dickhead etc.

Says who phoney? That's a totally fallacious argument.
I agree with datun.

There is a difference phoney and it doesn't lie with the definition of the word, or whether it is gendered. If you take both of those descriptions, then yes the word cock and bitch is the same.

The difference becomes startingly apparent when you take into account who uses the words.

Men and women will use the word cock, bellend, with impunity, to describe someone's behaviour. It doesn't carry an extra layer of 'because all men are like that'.

And although the word bitch should also not carry anything extra, in real life it does tend to.

If I read anything, and the word bitch is mentioned, I can predict the the opinion at the conclusion, almost 100% of the time.

Hate bitch being used casually

Datun

Absolutely Datun, the only male insult I can think of is wanker.

Anybody saying they don't understand the difference between "dick" and "bitch" is being obtuse.

Just reading up on all the posts. Phoney the reason for my OP was exactly because I was unsure if I was being over sensitive or not. I totally understand what you are saying but I do feel that the word bitch is used far more as a word to demean women. I think I would prefer to be called a cock tbh!

I mentioned the situation to another male friend and he was of the opinion that he does think that it is offensive and he is now making a conscious effort not to refer to any woman as a bitch

I mentioned the situation to another male friend and he was of the opinion that he does think that it is offensive and he is now making a conscious effort not to refer to any woman as a bitch

Good. The thing is, many women do find it overly offensive. Precisely because it is very loaded. I too would feel less offended by being called a dick.

"Silly bitch" comes across as simply dripping with misogyny. Frankly I think it always did, but now we recognise it. Even calling a woman a cow isn't as bad. If someone calls a woman a cow, I automatically think they have been offended by that woman's behaviour, not the fact that she is a woman.

'Bitch' has a far wider application. It can even just mean that the woman is strong. Or assertive.

If a man called woman a bitch, I'm afraid that would instantly flag up his behaviour, not hers. He would really have follow it up with a convincing explanation of why he thinks she's a bitch for me not to think - well, that he was a dick.

Glad you're spreading the word Rusty.

What if a women calls a man a bitch

Maybe before publicly shaming himbyou shouldve told him not to say that. Im sure he would

Much like saying the n word or cracker which are bith technically derogatory words agains two different races

I have never heard a straight man call another man a bitch. And only gay men when they are camping it up. And I have never heard a woman call a man a bitch. It is a profoundly gendered insult.

Cue " Oh, all my male friends call each other bitches all the time"........

I haven't publicly shamed him at all, I told one friend and my DH to get a male point of view. I have told him that I find it offensive but he doesn't seem too bothered. I personally have never called a man a bitch and I can't recall anyone else doing it either in my presence

If a man calls another man a bitch, he's still being misogynistic. He is using the word exactly the same way, just about another man.

You can't use the word bitch in any gender neutral way at all. You can use the word dick and apply it to both men and women and it means pretty much the same.

When a man calls a woman a dick he is calling out her behaviour - and unless you knew what that behaviour was, you wouldn't have a clue about the specifics of it, unless he told you.

When you call a man a bitch you are saying he is behaving 'like a woman'.

I love how Mrasupporter thinks the OP asking her husband and friend whether the term bitch is offensive is 'publicly shaming' someone.

Oh and to be clear, I did tell my friend that I found it offensive before I even asked my friend and husband. I only asked after receiving the 'mentally noted' comment.

Datun thank you, but I don't feel that I can take credit for my friend. He is a lovely guy and a good friend. It felt very supportive all the same