Street harassment and men who "just want to talk"

[TheChampagneGalop]

Hello everyone.

I have experienced a lot of street harassment and also assault when I was younger. For a while I had crippling social phobia because of it. I thought those days were over, but recently, as I've moved to a new area, it has become a problem again. There are two types of incidents that have happened a couple of times now: One is when the man just yells aggressively, like telling me I can't walk on that road because he is walking there (!). It's startling and upsetting. The other type is where a male stranger approaches me when I'm busy on an errand to "just talk" and when I try to politely and nervously end the conversation he becomes angry and tells me I'm rude/won't get a man and such things, because he felt entitled to my time and smiles. I can't give them. I have some mental health issues, and often just want to get from A to B without interaction with strangers. When the men get all angry like this, I feel like I'm the one being terribly rude and feel bad about it. It's also just not a good feeling to be the target of random aggression.

I wonder what the "correct" reaction to these types of incidents are. If there are...
I feel less safe in my area because of it. Also, how do you get over the feeling of being rude?

In my experience, don't be polite or nervous. And they may actually be pimps.
Practice acting calm even when you dont feel like it, even if its only an act. You have to convince him you are not a pushover.

Unglue your tongue from the roof of your mouth.
Control your breathing.
Use calm, measured steps.
Dont react, Keep walking forwards.
Allow yourself to feel disgust. Say 'No' once and keep walking.

Treat yourself to at least one loud personal alarm, they are a couple of quid on Ebay, and make sure you have a mobile phone handy.

Ignore, ignore, ignore - stand up straight and confident and just walk away.

Never feel you are being rude. How many men get this behaviour? Yeah. NOne.

"how do you get over the feeling of being rude?"

Continually remind yourself that they are being rude by approaching you. Regardless of whether they smile to begin with, or use polite-ish words to begin with, they are being rude in their behaviour.

Maybe say this to yourself before you leave the house, to be prepared.

I'm sorry you're having to do this. It's so wearing and unfair.

Can't find it, but there's a cartoon by the wonderful Jacky Fleming which goes:

Boy: You'll never get a man!
Girl: Only you could make that sound so attractive.

I appreciate you may not want to say that out loud, if you're trying to get through your journey with minimum fuss. But would it help to have that in your head?

Thank you for the replies everyone.

It hadn't occured to me that they might be pimps...it's considered to be a rather peaceful area with many retireers - but who knows what lurks beneath, Midsomer Murders style
I've lived in a pretty bad neighbourhood before and was more prepared for street harassment there - not that you ever feel ready when it happens, though.

A bit hard to feel calm and confident when it happens - I panic inside, "oh dear he is getting angry, what is going to happen"...it is admirable of you who manage to stay calm!

I doubt any of us here would walk up to a random busy man and chat him up and turn aggressive and offended if he didn't want to talk...yet I can't help! I feel like I've done something wrong arghhh

I don't always stay calm.

I read once that even if you are rude (and in this case you're definitely not being rude) that a decent man would understand why a woman was scared and back the fuck off. If they're more concerned with your perceived "rudeness" then you feeling comfortable then they're not worth worrying about.

Its best to put a stop to anything before they are too invested. Once they feel they have made an investment, they are more persistent.
If you dont feel safe giving a straight 'no', do something to make them feel like you are the wrong type, so they believe its their decision to back out.

Step back, get your phone out and dial 999. If someone is aggressive to you on the street you have every right to call the police.

I always* tell them to shove their two inch pricks down meatmincers.

• if it is safe to do so.

I certainly don't give a flying fuck about being rude or their feelings.

PerkingFaintly, is this the one you mean?