Could use a bit of support

[ISaySteadyOn]

With something really frivolous or that feels as such.
I am, after 6 years, winding down bfing. I haven't been bfing the same DC for 6 years btw, it's DC3 who is finishing. I've not bothered buying any new clothes since DD1 was born as I felt it was pointless. I have been given a few things over the years but I have worn many of them out and, after 3 pregnancies and bfing, my body shape is different.

So I need a couple new things which sounds simple enough except that I hate hate hate clothes shopping. I'm v broad hipped and large breasted and everything I try makes me feel crap. DH says 'Blame the clothes, not your body' and he's absolutely right (fwiw, he thinks I am lovely in all the shapes I've been), but it's very hard.

I also have conflicting feelings because I keep thinking that clothes shopping is a frivolous pursuit and also that as a sahm, I don't need any new or nice things as who sees me anyway and it doesn't matter what I wear. And then I feel guilty because thinking that shopping for clothes is frivolous is sexist and, in writing this, I have just realised that actually, in my head, it's not frivolous for anyone else, just me.

I don't know what I am getting at, I guess I was hoping you lot could help me figure out this feeling and maybe the shopping trip I will need to go on will seem less awful. Last time I desperately needed new clothes, I put it off and put it off until DH said that if I went in the shop and found one thing, we could then spend as long as we wanted in a bookshop. Then I went in, got six black tops all the same because they were the only clothes that didn't make me feel crap. In short, last time I tried to shop, my husband had to bribe me to spend money on myself. But I want to do it by myself this time. So any advice or overthinking welcome.

Surely wide hips and big boobs is also known as hourglass?

I like buying clothes in the supermarket because trying them on at home and taking them back is so easy.

Everyone has to be clothed, it isn't a frivolous luxury, and as you need some new ones you may as well find some you like.

Start with what you are comfy in, and find smart versions of that. If you like jeans, get nicer jeans and some good tops to match.

Wrap tops and dresses look good on full busts, as do V necks.

Looking smart and feeling comfortable about how you look is not 'unfeminist'. Panicking about how to meet today's harsh expectations might be though.

hope you find some nice, easy outfits!

Yes, but I don't think hourglass includes my rather large tummy which is practical for snuggling my little ones but not for fashion.

This thread has made me feel better though. Thank you everyone!

You're just extra hourglassy!

I hate spending time in shops to search for clothes, I hate most clothes and hate trying on clothes in shops.

For me, catalogues and the internet work well. Perhaps you can do that?
There's much more choice, much less walking around to find nice clothes, and if you don't shop often, the added cost of online shopping isn't that much of an issue.

I think my body type is just wrong for this era.

You can get clothes from more or less all eras of history. If you really are at home most of the time, you can indeed wear what you want - why not make it something that looks good on you?

Just bumping for a vent. Afraid am borrowing this thread to write down thoughts. I had a look at Bravissimo online as I heard they were nicer for larger women. Ha! They meant larger breasted women not broadhipped women. Am afraid I am a weakling and burst into tears as I had really counted on them being my run in and out shop.

DH says I should spend £1k on a whole new wardrobe, but I just can't believe that I could find anything comfortable and becoming. And I have only just let him put mirrors up in the hall. They make it look bigger, but I hardly look in them. I don't really dare.

I've been reading Fat is a Feminist Issue (am trying to read what second wave feminists actually said) and finding it very interesting. It is resonating with me a lot. I feel guilty for everything I eat even when I enjoy the taste and that I don't deserve food and guilty that I haven't got enough willpower to stop eating completely until my body is smaller. I've read enough to know that that would be a stupid plan, but feel it anyway. Who said feelings had to be rational?

Of course, Orbach says that sometimes our food and body issues relate to our relationships with our mothers. This is probably the case with me. Do you know what the first thing my mother said to me after we told her I was pg with DD1 (didn't know she was DD then)? It wasn't 'Congratulations!' or anything like that. It was 'Oh. Now would be a good time for you to lose weight.'
DH was .

And on an unrelated note, my dyspraxia acted up and I dropped a whole can of stock powder on the floor. So I am not happy this evening.

Thank you all for letting me have a vent here. I really appreciate it and I do feel a bit better after writing it all out.

Can I suggest some tricks I used in exactly your position?

Find a style & beauty thread about bra measurement / interventions, do exactly what they suggest, and then go mad on Amazon buying a ton of bras with the knowledge you will send 90% of them back, but you will find one you like.

Then, get thee to a charity shop or 10. Buy lots of dead cheap stuff that you quite like, try it on at home, and take back what you don't like. Then WEAR the new stuff. If it doesn't work, take it back to another charity shop! I find buying new clothes insanely stressful, but charity shop stuff is great because you don't feel guilty if you don't get on with it.

The final step for me was finding Facebook second hand groups and bundles of clothes on eBay. Again, pre-loved stuff can be very liberating and can be re-sold once you've tried it a few times.

That is an idea.

Self indulgent bump of this thread back up as some of you did ask me to update. No responses needed.

I managed to get some new bras. It was really hard to go in to do it but the day before my birthday, I had a surge of courage and DH, lovely man that he is, said 'Go. I'll take the children' so I did. And now it is a bit easier to breathe as I am not squashed.

I screwed my courage to the sticking place again today and went looking for a new dress. DH got me a lovely comfortable one for my birthday so I thought I would push myself to get another. The success is in having a browse but there was nothing and I had that feeling of my body being at fault again and felt that even if there was something I liked, I wouldn't have dared to try it on as it probably wouldn't look nice. That's all I want, to look nice and I never look nice to myself. DH thinks I always look nice, but he is biased as he should be. Anyway, will just have to keep trying.

I do want to support other people too so if anyone wants a moan or a shout of triumph, please post

Joining the thread late... Glad you found one good dress ISay, and got the new bras. I find that a properly fitting bra makes my shape look better, and I am larger than you. If you are a jeans person, the Sainsburys Tu jeans are much raved about on S & B, and are 25% off at the mo. I have just bought a pair of straight leg ones that actually look pretty good, for 10.50 with the discount. So I am wondering that if you had a couple of pairs of these, with your staple black tops, that you would feel better and more inspired to buy more stuff later on maybe?

To the more serious stuff. Fat is a Feminist issued is a very interesting book. I particularly like the idea that women may over-eat to take more space in a world that says they shouldn't have space...at the same time as a clothes industry whose clothes look better on often underweight models. No wonder we feel bad. I personally think it's a good idea if you find something you feel good in to have a few of them. Maybe different, flattering colours? Did you feel better about yourself having found some good clothes, out of interest?

I didn't find a dress. DH did. He knows I hate clothes shopping so if he is out and he sees something he thinks might suit or fit me, he will grab it and the receipt in case I hate it.

It's a funny dynamic because this is one relationship wherein DH buying clothes for me is him being very loving and considerate rather than controlling.

I'm not a fan of jeans or trousers tbh. It's finding decent long skirts that is the problem.

Your DH sounds absolutely lovely.

He is. Not that I am biased or anything .

I was trying to write something about Germaine Greer and frivolity, but I lost it. Will try again when I'm back with a better signal.