Is it just me, or is this a missing of the point?

[user1489831368]

I live in what considers itself an extremely feminist town. I walked into an exhibition "Women through history" with my 9yo dd and my baby daughter. Cue baby complainy noises, and we're glared out of the place. Did I miss something in feminism??

Hebden Bridge?
OMG, I was there recently. What a hole. Beautiful as ever (I was a regular there thirty years ago) but my word, they are such an entitled bunch of besoms. Customer service? Left it at the county border, darling. Thank God for the Co-op. I was out of HB on the 05.59 train next day. And no, those ladies who were speculating, though I do wear trainers, I am not a lesbian.

I think you have a point user.

I have enjoyed watching radfem talks on youtube and hearing babies chuntering along in the background in the audience.

Hey, user, its fine - actually, I think you've raised issues worth discussing- sometimes posters may be thinking about those in an abstract sort of way rather than the real human being behind the OP, iyswim.

May I suggest you try to think up a username (doesn't have to be a clever one), it can be hard for people to keep track of whether its the 'usernnnn' who's a tired mum, or someone else.

Welcome to MumsNet.

Actually, user, I think I understand your point. Women have traditionally been left out of many important things as a result of their caring responsibilities so whether the person was glaring or not, you felt very much that they were telling you to get back in the domestic sphere and out of the public one which in the context of the exhibit, did seem ironic if you like. Is that what you were getting at or am I totally wrong?

Yeah, it was the irony mostly. And it seemed some people on here we're backing that up: that I should have stayed away from the good people trying to view the art with my ghastly gurgling baby and silent 9yo. Perhaps in the kitchen. Not saying that's what was being said, saying that's how I read it at first and why I got upset.

I know that feeling. I think, and I hope I am wrong, I once read about a feminist conference on motherhood where they forgot to provide a creche. I don't think it was meant maliciously of course. But I think making things fit with caring is not something many organisations think about.

I think though that the "glaring" thing is interesting on MN. On one side there is those who get really distressed by glares (in situations like this). On the other there are those who think glares mean nothing. Then combined with "children should be free and happy and able to do what they want" versus the "can we have space away from children for a while please people" this thread was always going to be a difficult place to start.

Catch up on some sleep (if possible?) and read lots of threads to see how people react.

People are so much more judgemental of women parenting in the public space, than when men do it. I don't think this was the OP's point, but a man wouldn't have gotten glares.

I would have probably ignored glares in your shoes, OP, but I can be quite bolshy. I entirely get your point that trying to make women feel out of place in a feminist exhibition while said woman was trying to access public space with a baby is pretty poor.

Hope you get some sleep soon. Is there no one else who'll give you a break?

User148, please change your username to something more personal. There are umpteen user14longnumber usernames about which means others won't remember which one you are .

I return, armed with a username and a post nap glow. Damn, the world is a different place when you're not exhausted. Still full of crap that shouldn't be, but easier to ignore it or at worst get cross, NOT sad and apologetic. I grew up in a very sexist place and only actually realised I wasn't lesser because of gender as an adult, so when I'm tired stuff like that can key into really deeply built in inferiority worries. I understand that I didn't have to leave, but to anyone who'd blame me for leaving, is criticising women for what patriarchy has done to their self esteem feminism?

Well, that's a name and a half!

is criticising women for what patriarchy has done to their self esteem feminism?

Sounds more like victim blaming tbh. We can't all be strong and assertive all of the time.

I would so love to know which town considers itself extremely feminist, so I can move there.

Hebden Bridge?

hahaha, I also had both of these thoughts in quick succession!

Good name OP

Thanks guys re name :D

I'd rather not put a name to the place, couldn't be doing with any repercussions irl.

Hey shield

Glad you managed to get a bit of a kip

Gosh no don't apologise.

You went into a space you thought would be safe for you. Your baby made a noise (why do exhibitions have to be in whispers and silence anyway - it's like saying to the children don't wake your dad you know what the consequences will be if you do).

I would contact the organisers and let them know what I felt. Having been a councillor at local level, lot's of these seemingly 'feminist' exhibitions are set up by the most men pleasing women - think girly giggling once a man walks into the room. And if he makes the coffee, cries of well aren't you wonderful!

The exhibition should have been welcome to all and certainly should have been accessible to all people.

I'm glad you brought this up curious to know where this is though

Welcome, Shield. Good name.

Ha Elendon, that about the coffee made me laugh. Points out that the sexist thing often doesn't even make sense. 'Men' want (rather society wants for them, hubby and many men I've met are not like this) both halves of the cake. It was even the core of that godawful book in the 90s: that men apparently need to be both in charge, Mr Dominant, king of the world, AND to be indulged, rewarded and pampered like an overgrown toddler.
It was just the whole "Oooh look he's helping!" vibe of that little scene you created :D somewhat encapsulates it.

That John Gray book. Google's calling him a philosopher..... Just check out on wikipedia what qualifications he had to write such an authoritative pile of chimp mess. (Degree in meditation? Why, that's as good as neuroscience!)