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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Help me raise my girls right

37 replies

Fairybella · 16/02/2017 15:04

I've two beautiful daughters but I worry greatly about them growing up.
From a very young age I remember being touched etc inappropriately from scouts to clubbing even at work.... I never did anything about this it was just swept under the carpet! It was how it was when I was younger! I discussed this especially the clubbing with my partner his response was well... "what did you wear? if you don't want to have that done don't dress in a way that attracts men!" 😱😱😱
Long debate he could not see how awful that was to say!
I don't think woman should have to dress in a way that don't want too from fear of abuse! Jezzz don't men have self restraint??
So how to I encourage my daughters to not stand for inappropriate behaviours to speak up and be strong women!
We know the pants rule and protective behaviours but what else?
Also wtf do I do the dp?
Help this is driving me loopy!
Also I have no intention of offending anyone.

OP posts:

Datun · 17/02/2017 10:07

How old are your daughters OP?

If they are still playing with toys, a quick walk through Toys "R" Us pointing out how silly it is that they are divided so much by gender, might be useful. You could explain that it's because they are able to sell two lots of everything if things are purposely divided into blue and pink.

In my experience, children are very quick to grasp the idea of materialism.

MrsJayy · 17/02/2017 10:13

That is a good idea actually, with my eldest she had zero interest in barbies and baby dolls so when we went to pick a toy she liked trains and lego we went straight there but i never mentioned it was the boy section just the toy section

Datun · 17/02/2017 13:55

Mrs

It's ridiculous, isn't it? We all know why the shops are doing it, but it has such an influence when girls feel they are wrong for choosing the blue toys and vice versa.

Because it is so pronounced and because there will be loads of toys in the boys section that girls like, and the other way round, I think children above a certain young age will easily grasp how daft it is if it's explained.

What are Action Men, super heroes and WWF fighters, if not dolls? Why do they think only the boys play with those dolls and girls played with the pretty dolls - it's insulting.

When I was a kid I much preferred my brother's Action Men, because of all the gadgets they came with.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/02/2017 14:05

I also think you need to tell your girls that stereotypically girly stuff is okay. Activities and hobbies and school subjects and jobs aren't "lesser" just because they are things that traditionally women have done. I do think some people have the idea that feminists almost have to dis girly stuff to get equality, ie scorning Brownies for Cubs.

Datun · 17/02/2017 14:14

tinkly

Yes, it's a bit of a strange two way street isn't it? You have to ensure they know that girls' things have just as high a value as boys' things, and at the same time tell them that they can do boys things because the value of those isn't mythically higher than girls' things.

And try and get rid of the girls/boys description altogether. They are just 'things'.

SoulLove · 17/02/2017 14:22

Yes completely agree with that tinkly- it can definitely go too far the other way.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/02/2017 14:27

My girls are 17 and 21 and identify as feminists. The eldest is a little bit of an air head and the youngest is quite girly and they are both very glam on a night out, so I think it sometimes takes people by surprise.

We have very traditional roles in our house; husband works more hours than me so I tend to do the housework stuff. And I am disabled so he does more of the physical stuff. Fortunately we have close friends where the male partner is the SAHD so they can see that there are other ways of doing things.

We have two sons as well and were have always tried to treat the kids pretty much the same regardless of biology.

MrsJayy · 17/02/2017 17:00

Yes what tinkly said my other dd thinks unicorns shit glitter and that really is ok too dd2 loved brownies and guides they did camping and skincare i think all girl spaces are great the girls get to be themselves, My dds imo are well rounded women who are femmine and strong and feminist. They will always come up against sexism and it is frustrating and infuriating but I hope we have equipped them right to deal with it. My stepdad still can't get over Dd1 is able to arrest people he said to her does the police man step in

MrsJayy · 17/02/2017 17:04

I also have a disability and don't work so it is traditional in the sense of i was home usually but their dad did a lot when he was home so they didn't see just me doing things

Original poster

Fairybella · 18/02/2017 15:54

Thank you all for your amazing advice

My girls are 2 and 7

We have a mixture of toys so they don't have to be influenced by "girls" toys! I have friends who won't let their sons play with dollies and buggys and will remove it from their child's unwilling hands! I hate this... why upset him?

I attempt to speak to dp about his views and he jokingly told the 7year old that women have smaller feet so they can reach the sick.... I hit the roof... dd7 is literal. She is awaiting assessment for asd so believes almost everything she's told!

OP posts:

Original poster

Fairybella · 18/02/2017 15:56

Mrs that's awful of your stepdad!!

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 18/02/2017 17:25

He is a chauvinistic ass thankfully Dd just gave him a look

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