Movies that teach about sexual double standards and slut shaming?

[cj3wilso]

I had a conversation with a boyfriend about if we had a daughter. He kept saying that he'd want his daughter to wear a chastity belt. How he knows some guy's daughter who's sleazy and doesn't want his daughter to be like that. That he wants his boy to respect women and his girl to respect herself. Well these thoughts on sexuality are very old school thoughts. And I find this type of thinking is over protective of the girl and treating like sex devalues a woman... which is concerning to think such a thing. He couldn't understand the problem with his thinking. When I said my main concern was to not raise our girl or boy with a double standard and that my goal is not to focus on sex but rather that I raise an independent thinker regardless of gender. I'm having a hard time articulating how his thinking negatively effects both genders and their relations together. Plus I'd like him to understand how these are generally old ways of thinking meant to control women but give men sexual freedom. He doesn't read very much though. I could probably get him to watch a movie to teach him these concepts. Does anyone know of a good movie that gets these points across well? An entertaining one would be best. He's not one to sit and listen to people just talk.

Well put, Lass.

I often wonder if this represents the fear that their daughter will be treated the same way they used to (maybe still do?) treat girls/young women.

I think that must be a factor Queen

Along with thinking stripping and Page Three is OK as long as it's not their daughters doing it.

I think attitudes like this are not uncommon - I've heard the gun "joke" and other similar stuff. I think actually while stuff like this becomes less common to hear, it doesn't mean attitudes have changed just that people know what not to say (recent experiences I've had).

It is interesting that the people who are most wary when it comes to teenage girls are their dads / other male relatives. What does this say about how men are? I mean, men know better than me what they're like. I think most blokes are fine and it's a (too large) minority who are not. But on the whole, most are perfectly nice / certainly not going to attack you or whatever. But, men on the whole take a much more cautious approach. Why is this?

Anyway. For this one - is he regurgitating standard local attitudes, attitudes of his peers without ever having thought about it (it's all very theoretical for him so he may not have). In which case, if you say "well blah sex object blah men etc etc feminist chat" and he goes "oh ah right yes erm you've got a point actually" then that might be fine. But if it's what he really thinks, having thought about it IYSWIM, then he's not a good bet IMO. Because he's an unreconstructed sexist and not even clever enough to hide it in front of a girlfriend.

Well, if you're using a person as an instrument of pleasure - if you're seeing them as an object - then that is wrong.

Stripping and page three are wrong no matter who is doing it.

I've never heard of this book but thanks. And also yes. My father actually is better than this. Not totally trusting of all men but better than my boyfriend. It disturbs me.

What's page 3?

Page 3 of The Sun newspaper, which used to feature a topless young woman for decades. There was a no more page 3 campaign for many years.

Well this thread was near the top!

My DSD had big problems with her DM about sex. Her DM pushed her into having sex because she'd just turned 16 and, according to DM, it would dry up if she didn't use it. Luckily DSD confided in me before too much damage had been done.

Thing is, my DSD used to often say how much she liked having a large, threatening looking DF. She brought boyfriends round so they knew she had a big DF to protect her interests if necessary. So it's not always sexism exactly. I should perhaps add that my DH, though large, a very gentle bloke. It was all about appearance.

My DH said testosterone should be a banned substance. As an adult he was a wonderful partner but he admitted to saying absolutely anything to get a girl into bed during his teens.

I believe a large part of it is acknowledging that they have in the past or do currently mistreat girls and women and act in a way that they wouldn't want their daughter to experience. The logical step is to realise that their behaviour is wrong, to improve themselves and to expect / prompt other men and boys to improve how they talk to, talk about and behave towards women. That's essentially feminism, right?

Instead, these men LIKE talking about and treating women as if they were sub human, so they decide that it's really the fault of the women they treated badly - it's the way they behaved that caused them to talk about them like that, or mistreat them. Which of course is a load of bull and probably a sign that they also believe in the whole Madonna/whore crap as well and is probably not something you can educate out of someone.

I would not marry a man who didn't treat me and all women as equals. I think that it's key to feminism to ensure that in our personal lives we engage with feminist men, which in turn leads to modelling behaviour that will give an example of feminism to any DC. My DS have always known these values, and my DSD, who only came at weekends, has adopted them to a large extent though I do worry about the amount of pink, sparkly stuff my DSGD gets, though she is doing very well at school, especially in maths.

I do worry about the amount of pink, sparkly stuff my DSGD gets, though she is doing very well at school, especially in maths

Pink does not make her brain fall out. If it's sexist to give a girl pink it's sexist to think liking pink means she won't then be clever.

It's all the make up she collects that bothers me. She's only 11 and has enough make up, toiletries and hair accessories to last her a decade. She is very clothes conscious too, as is her DM. DM, however, presents an immaculate front for work and has done well in her career, so her clothes are just part of her work persona. My DB who has also been very successful says that any company would be proud to have her represent them. You're right, Lass, I needn't worry. It's just part of a mix, not the whole thing.

As a mother of a son I also find this chastity belt thing for a girl a bit offensive...

I'm not bringing up a young man to be so completely out of control of his urges that he's like a Yorkshire Terrier that humps the cushions fgs.

He will learn about self respect, risks and respect for other potential partners too.

Yes, I feel exactly the same about my sons, Ineedmorelemonpleadge. I want them to be the sort of man their father was.