Feminism ruins everything.

[Miffer]

My alternative title was going to be - Awful stuff you never noticed until you learned more about feminism... this was snappier though.

So I went to uni as a mature student, I studied social science and politics and covered feminism usually as a tacked on bit at the end of each topic. A further tacked on bit would cover "women of colour" and "working class women" and "radical feminists". I was vaguely 3rd wave feminist as a result of this. Very post modern.

As time as gone on I have sought out and read more, become involved in activism and basically grown into a radical feminist with a bit of Marxist stirred in.

As I get older I revisit books, shows and movies I used to love and find more and more of them to be fucking awful and offensive. Has anybody else experienced this? Recent offenders have been-

Scrubs - So wonderful on the outside, such a diverse cast! So many problems though, from storylines about women heroically putting their career on hold for the sake of their relationship to women being bullied by other women for being too "pretty".

Handle With Care- A paint by numbers book by Jodi Piccoult which has a graphic depiction of rape which is never named as such. The husband rapes the wife to teach her a lesson. The husband is a good guy, although they split HE leaves and at the end they reconcile. The rape is never called rape or mentioned after it occurs. This was truly awful and I would be interested to know if anybody else has read this?

What Alice Forgot - Another book that is just horrid in how it handles relationships. I don't know why revisiting this surprised me as I have noticed this in later books I read by this author.

Has this happened to anybody else? Or has anybody else read/watched these and disagrees with me?

Mary Stewart "Wildfire at Midnight" which I loved as a teen
The Walking Dead

That's interesting, M0stly, as that passage struck a chord with me too. The TV version definitely conveyed Charlotte's resigned tolerance of Mr Collins, and the sense that almost any marriage was, for many women, better than nothing. We are left comfortingly aware that Charlotte is well able to get her own way, being far cleverer than Mr Collins who, though incredibly annoying, is no brute.

I can't watch James Bond films anymore

I don't think you have to have a moment of feminist enlightenment to see how rubbish they are.

I know it's not exactly highbrow but...I can't watch the big bang theory anymore. I sit shouting at the TV It's hugely sexism and I think very racist too.

*sexist

Walking dead - can only talk superficially but it's got worse as all the female characters turn to ironing.

Yeah exactly stealth DH watches and I dip in and out but have been really annoyed by it recently.

I had a brief period of loving The Walking Dead but I'm now several series behind. I really liked the Carol/ Daryl plot line.

The big bang theory? Is this the name of a film? Because the idea that it might be racist stopped me in my tracks. What about gravity? Is that sexist or am I missing the boat largesome? I think I may have Sellotape poisoning.

The Big Bang Theory is an American sitcom about a group of 4 nerdy men and ThymeLord is spot on about it.

OP I read 'Handle with care' years ago, it's one of my favourite JP books. I've been raking my brain but i can't remember any rape scene.

Can you give more info (or a page number) so I can dig out my copy and find it? I'm interested to see how i completely missed it.

On the other hand, as well as 'ruining' lots of films/books etc, feminism allows you to appreciate many books/films on a deeper level by allowing you to feel empathy for female characters such as the above mentioned Charlotte. On a less literary level, as a child I loved the Narnia books but always felt uncomfortable at the demonising of Susan because she grew up to enjoy worldly things such as lipstick (because I could see I was headed for a similar fate!) As an adult, feminism helps me to have huge sympathy for that character.

I thought it was a bit much, though, when she was played by an aboriginal woman in the film.

I'm cheered by the idea of Emma Carter bringing new hope to the galaxy though.

WhiteChocolate

I have a kindle, it's 32% through. Towards the end of a Sean chapter. He wants his wife to feel as bad as he does so initiates consensual sex after telling her he loves her. He then rapes her and says that it doesn't matter because he loves her. He then goes and sulks at the table because the rape was supposed to make him feel better but doesn't.

If you would have told me that was in the book before I re-read it I wouldn't have remembered either. It was that more than anything that prompted my OP.

The Sapphires'. If you haven't the basic idea is that it is a movie with literally no diversity but no one cares or even brought up this fact in any main stream reviews. It's a movie were the whole cast are aboriginal women. Yet when there is something like a full white male cast it's racist and sexist. Double standards. Jesus wept. Seriously?
The movie is loosely based on a true story. All the people the girls competed against where white.
Their manager is white. The worst part is whether it's sexism or racism, when the movies was advertised in America they made Chris O'Dowed look like the leading character in promotional pictures. Double standard my arse!

www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/03/22/the-sapphires-tony-briggs-and-his-mum-on-racism-in-australia-music-more.html

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/10225235/Backlash-over-sexist-and-racist-DVD-cover-of-The-Sapphires.html

I op, I absolutely, understand what you mean. I judge every thing. I love the Big Bang theory. I think it one of best comedies I have ever watched.
But I have my but about them too.
When the cast is read out to you, it all sounds amazing and very forward thinking. The problem with them is in the editing and nitty gritty details that a lot of people will miss. The problem lies with the portrayal of the women.

I will explain why. You only here about what the women do. You rarely see them do.
Penny.
When she did her acting job, you actually saw her do acting and behave stupidly. It's was made fun off. Now that she has a better job. You only here about it.

Bernadette
She is portrayed as the nagging wife
Her husband basically made a younger version of his mother
You only here about her work. You are meant to believe she does the job she does. Now they have got her pregnant and probably her life will have to be fulfilled. It will be interesting how it will play out when the baby comes along.

Amy
We have snippet of her at work but they have all been in her house with the monkey.
Other than, that nothing.
They show a side to her as someone who would easily give into whatever Sheldon wants as long as the relationship keeps going.

The men
Their work is the central to the show. You actually see them doing the maths calculation. Discussing the theories and trying to figure out answers. Talking about topics that is of their interest rather than what one the women have done. (They do talk about the women but it's not why they are in the show. The women are there because of them)
With the women together is usually about the men, what one is hiding, done or about to do.

And that is a coward thinking show with female scientist.

Humour is subjective of course but I found the problem with The Big Bang was that it's not funny.

I only watched a few of the early episodes but the canned laughter , obvious jokes and the lazy stereotyping that anyone who was interested in / good at maths is some sort of social misfit was awful.

It seems odd that if you (general feminist you, not you individually) think there are barriers in getting women into Science and Maths that a comedy whose premises is that people who are into those things are geeky asocial misfits would ever have been given the time of day. My husband, who was a physicist before his career change hated it for that reason.

WhiteChocolate

I was able to copy and paste from the text.

This excerpt depicts rape

Suddenly, I wanted to make Charlotte see how this was tearing me up inside. (...) She was surprised when I grabbed her and kissed her. She backed away at first, looking at me, and then leaned into my body, trusting me to take her down a dizzy road where I’d taken her a thousand times before. ‘I love you,’ I said. ‘Do you believe that?’ Charlotte nodded, and as soon as she did, I tightened my fingers in her hair, forcing her head back and pinning her to the mattress. ‘Sean, you’re crushing me,’ she whispered, and I covered her mouth with one hand and roughly ripped aside her pajama bottoms with the other. I forced my way inside her, even as she fought against me, even as I watched her back arch with surprise and maybe pain, even as her eyes filled with tears. ‘Doesn’t matter what it looks like on the surface,’ I whispered, her own words striking her like a whip. ‘You know deep down that I love you.’ I had started this wanting to make Charlotte feel like crap, but somehow, I wound up feeling like crap myself. So I rolled off her, yanking up my boxers. Charlotte turned away, curling into a ball. ‘You bastard,’ she sobbed. ‘You fucking bastard.’ She was right; I was one. I had to be, or I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did next

For anybody interested in context the book is about 'wrongful birth' law suits. That's suing medical professionals for not picking up on serious conditions prior to birth. The foundation of the action being that the mother would have had an abortion if she had known. The mother wants to sue, the dad (rapist) doesn't. The thing that makes him a bastard is signing the papers... not the rape of his wife which of course was to teach her a lesson.

Lass - likely that 'general feminist you' probably is on the same page as you are. Why all the scientists (and token, derided engineer to make it worse) are all misfits of varying degree is beyond me, before we start on the sexism. Who decided that it was mandatory to plonk specs on both the main female scientists like a girl-geek badge? More Leslie might have helped.

Oh the girl geek badge
Bloody Arrow is the worst, only I never enjoyed it. But this really attractive woman is denoted as a geeky scientist who no man would be attracted to because she wears glasses.
Grrrrrrd

But this really attractive woman is denoted as a geeky scientist who no man would be attracted to because she wears glasses

Remember Jane from Neighbours....

I've read that book and was horrified at the time by it.
You're right, it's never mentioned again. He rapes her to make some twisted point that even if you say something is ok because you love someone (sueing for wrongful birth even though you love the child), it still hurts. It's still horrific.

It was done to teach her a lesson, and the swept under the carpet forever. They stay together.

It's crazy.

Miffer Thanks for posting that, saves me digging out my copy.

I'm shocked, i don't remember that scene at all. I've recommended that book to people as I think it raises some interesting questions (the wrongful birth and the parents having the dilemma of having to say it would be better if their Daughter had never been born in order to help her. It was also an eye opener into the American healthcare system). I can't believe I managed to read a book (must be less than 10 years ago) without picking up that one of the characters is a rapist! And it's a character we're supposed to empathise with, not a 'bad guy.' I don't really know what to think about that.

Remember Jane from Neighbours....

Plain Jane Super Brain!

WhiteChocolate

I had a very similar experience, re-reading it was an eye opener to just how blind one can be to rape culture.