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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

3 yr old asking 'whats a girl?' what do you say?

40 replies

YoJesse · 30/10/2016 07:31

Because of nursery school, lots of talk about boys and girls. Ds decided he likes girls more than boys and is now asking 'whats a girl? ' how do you answer in a way that's not anatomical (he knows girls have fannys and boys have willies) and not stereotypical, like girls have long hair etc. Should I just say they're children, like you?
Sorry if this isn't the right place.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2016 09:48

Then, expand, females give birth to babies, like mum did with you. Males help to do this, which is why you have a daddy. Just like when puppies and kittens are born.

I really don't like the emphasis on girls growing up to be mummies. Women can choose to have children but it's not their defining feature. I'd go with anatomy.

Prisencolinensinainciusol · 30/10/2016 10:12

I think 3 is definitely the age they start realising/noticing differences between boys and girls. DD had a brief phase around then of saying she was a boy. She was figuring out what those words actually mean.

HermioneWeasley · 30/10/2016 10:15

But the only differences are biological.

How else would you explain it?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 30/10/2016 10:19

Perhaps at nursery they sometimes say "come along boys and girls" or "are you ready boys and girls?" rather than just calling them all children. That might explain why he's talking about it?

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 10:29

Presumably he knows boys and girls are anatomically different? If he doesn't find some pictures to show him.

Ontopofthesunset · 30/10/2016 10:33

The difference between a boy and a girl is biological. When my boys asked why some people were boys and some girls that's what I explained - boys have willies (or penises) and girls don't have willies but have a vulva and vagina. They were used to seeing me naked and their girl cousins at that age too.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 12:20

I really don't like the emphasis on girls growing up to be mummies. Women can choose to have children but it's not their defining feature. I'd go with anatomy.

His mummy, who did give birth, is his go to person now, as is his daddy (and not all men grow up to have children). The choice for women and men not to have babies is for further discussion. Obviously, the three year old understands that mummy is a woman/adult and daddy is a male/adult. And it complicates the matter for a three year old who is just starting to talk - though I do understand that with delayed speech, it all comes pouring out!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/10/2016 12:53

Because of nursery school, lots of talk about boys and girls

Why "because of nursery" ? I don't recall ever having such a conversation. Don't children just notice this as part of their every day existence?

HedgehogHedgehog · 30/10/2016 12:56

'A girl is a young woman, i used to be a girl, granny used to be a girl' ?

noeffingidea · 30/10/2016 20:45

I would say 'boys have willies, girls have minnies (or whatever you call them), and boys grow up to be men like Daddy/nearest male relative while girls grow up to be like Mummy. That's all a 3 year old needs to know, Imo.

Glitterspy · 30/10/2016 21:05

Sometimes I think 3 year olds ask "why" or "what is" when they really mean "tell me more about..."

It doesn't reveal some profound yearning for intellectual knowledge, they just want to hear a descriptive conversation about any given topic and then ask a zillion more questions all starting with why or what is

So describing anatomy, how kids grow up to be adults, girls you know, women you know...all fine. "Girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice" not so much.

Fwiw my dd (3) solemnly informed me the other day that boys don't have eyelashes but girls do, and that's how you can tell them apart, so that's about how much my enlightened teachings are sinking in!

M0stlyHet · 30/10/2016 22:49

Glitter . That's similar to my DS back when he was 3 - I remember him commenting that all the female playmobil characters (and lego for that matter) had "fluttery eyelashes". It seems to be the go-to signifier of sex in toys/cartoon characters (anthropomorphised animals in particular).

Felascloak · 30/10/2016 22:55

glitter

My DD was convinced me and her both had tiny willies that were harder to see so anatomical differences between boys and girls didn't help! She was also obsessed with where she was before she was born so we ended up talking about sperm and eggs and that part of her was in an egg in me. Strangely thar was an easier definition than the willies!
I think questioning boy/girl and understanding that biological sex is fixed is a normal developmental stage when they are around 3

VestalVirgin · 31/10/2016 10:21

My DD was convinced me and her both had tiny willies that were harder to see so anatomical differences between boys and girls didn't help!

Clever child! Apparently, she knew already at that age that she doesn't pee out of her vagina and thus must have something similar to a penis.

After all, the really distinctive feature of a penis is that sperm comes out of it, so talking about sperm and eggs really makes things clearer.

Elendon · 31/10/2016 14:00

My son was most aggrieved when he discovered that human females had a genital organ that gave them pleasure and that they didn't have to pee out of it.

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