Working Mum - Opinions please

[karenlovesgloves]

I don't know if this is the right place to post or what my post is even about, other than a semi rant/moan.

I am a lone parent and have been at home with my children full time, knowing that I'd eventually start my law conversion/masters and then my career. My parents support me fully with child care, kids will be at nursery etc and I am supposed to start next week.

The issue I am having is that so many women I meet are gently putting down my choices to be a working mum. Someone I met today that has always championed feminism said something like "we're mothers now, its time to go part time/you should consider it..." I've had people flat out tell me it's a bad idea to become a lawyer because I'd never be around and who would raise the kids. Some friends really don't get why I would want to work, full stop. They sort of tilt their heads and look at me with this dough eyed expression like I'm insane.

I feel really selfish because I really want this, I really love my course. I really enjoy the volunteer work I'm doing and think a career would make me a better (and less poor!) mummy. I want my kids to be proud of my achievements and I want to be an example to them.

How do working mums and lone parents cope? Am I nuts?

You get this whatever you choose to do as a mum. Work full time and you are abandoning your kids. SAHM and you are freeloading. Part time and you are too lazy / disorganised to manage being a parent whilst working 'properly'.

I went back to work after 9 months' maternity leave with both kids, so about 7.5-8 months old. The nursery years were OK because the other parents had busy jobs, but the sheer level of judgementalism and persistent questioning of my choices by other (part-time/SAH) mothers once DS1 started primary school was really fucking wearing. I found myself gravitating towards the Dads at kids' parties because it never came up/was a non-issue.

I even had a long-standing (SAHM) friend say to my face "I don't know why people have babies and then go back to work" to which I replied "why don't you ask Bob?" Of course she meant women, not men like Bob (not his real name), her husband.

If they were really persistent, I'd point out that their daughters need women like me to pursue their careers post-kids or else their daughters will be consigned to "unimportant" "pin money" jobs like our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers were because it's not worth developing, educating and promoting girls because they throw the towel in when they have kids. I mean talk about pulling the drawbridge up behind you - those women fought to give us choice. Choices which should be respected, even if they are not the same ones we'd make for ourselves. For the record, I have NEVER been rude enough to question another woman's parenting choices.

I just came back to this thread, after a day at the zoo and then an evening of studying. I think my dad and I cleaned the kitchen at some point too.

THANK YOU!!!

This was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear. My DD is only 13 months but she's extremely happy and settled. My son is nearly three and starts nursery this week, DD will start a part time program in October and my dear parents are helping (basically paying) for all of this/supporting us. I am very lucky and I hope someone eventually employs me so that I can repay them in some way/look after them in their old age.

I have definitely thought long and hard about the hours and it is something that scares me a bit, because realistically I will miss a lot of bath times and bed times but I will still be around a lot. I'm still here, we still live together. I'm always going to be their mum and the hours won't be forever. Or I can find firm that is smaller and less intense. Whatever I chose I know that it's the right path. Thanks mums.

I've had people flat out tell me it's a bad idea to become a lawyer because I'd never be around and who would raise the kids. Some friends really don't get why I would want to work, full stop. They sort of tilt their heads and look at me with this dough eyed expression like I'm insane

I think you need new friends and a different social circle. I'm a solicitor and worked full time since my son was 2 months. I've never experienced this ; if anything it was assumed I would work.

So far as being a lawyer I would say it's far harder now than when I did my traineeship in the early 80s as there are more universities churning out more law graduates than the profession needs. I'm good at what I do and am recognised in my niche sector but my degree and cv if I were applying for a traineeship now would not get a look in.

you are doing fine, op. Well done!

Thank you so much for the amazing responses. Granted, it was what I wanted to hear so that's always nice. Plus, it felt good to realizing that I wasn't going mad!

I just bumped into a friend of my late grandmother's, she is 85. I told her that I had two children, was a lone parent, their father was abroad and I was starting my course next week. She told me that it was an exciting new start and she couldn't wait. She then invited me to her flat for breakfast next week. So we've got a long way to go but we've come a long way since she raised her kids alone forty years ago.

LassWiTheDelicateAir: You make an extremely valid point and one which I was worried about. You are definitely right. My CV wasn't impressive, other than my university (but I didn't do fantastically there). I really had to work hard at it. I'm taking unpaid internships and have applied for a part time paralegal position, to try and gain experience. I've also started working with a charity which, I love. But you're totally right and some many people have told me that same thing.

JedRambosteen: Your post made me laugh out loud. BASICALLY THAT. My father in law is called BOB. Bob always worked. Bob will also vote for Trump...so lets not even discuss Bob. Hahahaha.

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Yesterday 07:27Felascloak

Ah just ignore them. It's amazing how much society likes women to be martyrs to motherhood."

Martyrs to motherhood sums it up perfectly!

Perhaps the majority of other mums you meet have this opinion because they have decided that being a SAHM is what they want, and they can't quite understand why anyone else would feel differently.

They've done what's right for them, and now it's time for you to do what's right for you.

Can I also drum up some interest in my chat thread?
As a mother I do feel as though I am not expected to have any ambition other than to do the bare minimum, work as few hours as possible as spend as much time as possible at home viewing precious moments.