Modern fomance

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

I saw this college humour video, and it made me wonder is it still possible for someone to "woo" someone anymore? As all the old things are now considered creepy, so what romantic things could a man do to convince you to give him a date?

Well, yeah, but no, but....

The point about only men can ask for a date is a good one. I have seen umpteen posts across MN where women are in various states of upset or anger because 'he won't propose' or 'he won't ask me to move in'. And I just think 'My God, you're an adult - you ask ffs!^ There is a view in our society that it is still a male duty to 'make all the moves'. It needs to change. I know my daughter asked her boyfriend for the first date, so I have done my bit for the revolution!

I also dislike the idea that there should be a concrete 'something' men can do to get a date. It just sounds very cynical, as if men are supposed to 'win' dates by doing the right thing, and we don't have the right to say no because they've gone through steps 1-5 in order. IME, only men who are really unpleasant think like this, but they are out there.

Absolutely this. I'm not some prize to be won (and I hate how many movies use that as part of the plot) - there's nothing you can do to get a date from me, other than be someone I find attractive, and that's something you already are, that I have yet to discover through getting to know you (at least a little), not something you do.

I think the main thing to convince me to go on a date would be to ask. I'm not psychic, so I won't be magically turning up in a pub if no one asks me.

Not being already married also helps. And me having a free space in my diary.

I'very only been on an actual date a couple of times or so in my life, so these days, I'd probably be tempted to say yes just from curiosity. I suspect this isn't the sort of breathless anticipation some men might be hoping for.

Good on your daughter!

And, gosh yes, I have the same reaction to the 'he won't propose' posts.

I know plenty of men who are quite shy, too, and who would love to be asked out. So I don't think there is any need to slate someone for preferring that type of relationship, at all. And it doesn't mean you're never going to enjoy 'romance' - it can be very romantic to ask someone else out, in my view!

I'm 39 now, so no idea which generational group I would fall into if I was dating "these days".

When I read the MN posts in Relationships, etc, it seems to me that all women want is a certain level of consistency and effort. It's so easy with OLD and Tinder to have a kind of "sweet shop mentality". Arranging dates via text, etc is convenient, but can mean it's difficult to know where you're at with someone. Rather than grand gestures or "wooing", it seems that a lot of women just want to know where they stand more than anything else. I expect this is the case with many of the men too.

DH was quite "old fashioned" in the way he asked me out, the way we dated and the way he proposed after 3 months. This was 15 years ago, but what I appreciated more than any "romantic gesture" was the fact that he never messed me around.

Also, I agree that if you really don't see any potential, there's not a lot a man can do in the way of persuasion. Maybe though, in some borderline cases where you just need to get to know someone a bit better, simply being honest and not playing games could move things along. This has to work both ways, of course.

Just by way of unofficial research - how many women on here have ever asked a man on a date? What was the reaction?

It was always yes. But then i don't like 'alpha' male types, the kind of man who might get offended would revolt me from the word go.

Grimarse - I don't think so, but then things have changed a lot since I was 20. For 20- somethings now, it's probably very normal?

If I think of the general type men I know these days (in their 40s), they may be a bit taken aback to be asked on a date, but not offended. They would probably go (either because they wanted to or because they wouldn't know how to turn the woman down ), but then still try to insist on paying, etc. As PAQ says, there are various types of men, so you can usually gauge how asking them out is likely to go down.

I asked out every single one of my boyfriends including DH.

I've asked several men on dates (can't remember exact numbers, but I did online dating for a while and did not see the point waiting to be asked). All yes responses on there, FWIW.

In real life I made the first move with all the men I dated. Also had a couple of memorable 'no' responses, but they just weren't interested. I could be misunderstanding but I don't get the impression they were offended to be asked.

I've asked. First had a girlfriend already, 1 was gay, 1 was, "You're really lovely, and with the right man..." yeah, yeah. Haven't bothered again.

I've asked 2 men and been rejected both times 😬

'Rejected' probably a bit unfair but that's how I felt. 'Turned down' for whatever reason is probably more accurate