A reminder that women need to act like spies in enemy territory at all times

[AskBasil]

Travel tips for when you are out on your own

I'm not knocking these tips. Some of them are useful. But it's interesting that in the article and the comments, nowhere is the problem mentioned - male violence.

I agree that male violence is the root cause, but until that's sorted it's sensible to take precautions.

I think the point being made on a lot of these threads (certainly the ones I've seen) is that, precautions are just that, precautions, but if a man decides he's going to rape or attack you, it won't matter that you're sober, covered from head to foot or any of the other advice women are given to protect us.

The problem comes when people, even other women, decide that because you didn't do whatever has been advised you deserve what happens to you. That's why threads about rape tend to come from the pov that women shouldn't have to prevent men raping them, not because we're stupid.

Not just that you deserve it - that you are at least partially, if not fully, responsible for it. That belief is so common it's depressing.

I think the point being made on a lot of these threads (certainly the ones I've seen) is that, precautions are just that, precautions, but if a man decides he's going to rape or attack you, it won't matter that you're sober, covered from head to foot or any of the other advice women are given to protect us.

Well, of course, if a rapist has fixated on you as a victim, the only thing you can do is to incapacitate or kill him. There should be more advice on how to do that.

Most of the safety advice is, sadly, a kind of "make sure he rapes someone else" advice. Making it harder for rapists to get you mean they will rape someone else, not that they will not rape at all.

Absolutely agree with both of you.

It's not just violence that women attract though is it? We're generally bigger targets for scams, fraud and theft as well.

Beggers and pickpockets seem to ignore my brother when he travels alone, but they flock to me and my mother.

These are also things you need to be very, very aware of when you travel. In which case, advice like this (doors that don't open to the outside, etc), and even advice about watching what you wear (don't dress like you have money), is valid. Although it falls in VestalVirgin's point about "make sure he rapes someone else" advice. It's a, make sure they rob someone else.

The tip about driving into a stationary object is ridiculous. A lot of car drivers or front seat passengers are killed when people, dogs or objects are thrown forward by an impact.

I also don't like the advice about the door wedge. What if you were taken suddenly ill and needed medical help?

I was interested about the comment about looking people in the eye in Africa because it is not a continent I have visited. I generally try to avoid eye contact with strange men, I have a very open face and I used to find meeting strange men's eyes and smiling encouraged them to think they could approach me.

Having said that, some of the tips are very useful to both men and women. It's just a shame as pp have said that the advice is aimed at women because casual intimidation and harassment by men is so commonplace. Not to mention the fear of a more serious attack.

The driving into a stationary object tip is bonkers.

I liked the reminder to trust your instincts and not be afraid to be rude. Women are often so conditioned to be people pleasers.

But, yeah, driving into a stationery object is bonkers unless you are an advanced, skilled spy driver

I once took a book down to a hotel bar when DS and DH were at the pool. We were in Sydney.

After about 10 minutes a man strode over to my table, sat himself down, pulled my book down out of my eye line and delivered a lecture about how I should invest in a kindle...

Now I've got that out of my system... Apart from the driving into things, these are good tips. Especially the one about not being polite and the elevator buttons. Do I deplore that they have to exist? Of course. Do I think they address the root cause of male violence? Of course not. But that doesn't mean it's not worth thinking about these things and sharpening up our own habits.

For what it's worth, I don't think the 'driving into a stationary object' advice is so batshit crazy. In that nightmare scenario where you pull off and someone's head pops up from behind the front seats - well, desperate times call for desperate measures. 'Crash the car and run like fuck whilst he's still processing what's just happened' seems fairly apposite to me.

OlennasWimple Thu 14-Jul-16 03:22:06
I liked the reminder to trust your instincts and not be afraid to be rude. Women are often so conditioned to be people pleasers

I agree with OlennasWimple.

This article brings up the danger of politeness leading to [not real] consent- :

olti.evawintl.org/images/docs/VICTIM%20INTERVIEW%2005-30-12.pdf
The role of gender socialization.
In addition to these typical responses to sexual assault, there is another reason why many victims (namely, women) do not physically resist their assailant – based on a lifetime of female gender socialization. Although many men have a difficult time understanding this aspect, it is true that many female victims do not resist someone who is sexually assaulting them because they are afraid of embarrassing themselves or their assailant. This is of course particularly true in cases of non-stranger sexual assault, where the victim knows the assailant – perhaps even intimately. Since birth, girls and women are socialized to be polite, to not offend people, and to never say “no” because that could hurt someone’s feelings

Lonny
That book story is almost funny, but it's shocking!

For what it's worth, I don't think the 'driving into a stationary object' advice is so batshit crazy. In that nightmare scenario where you pull off and someone's head pops up from behind the front seats - well, desperate times call for desperate measures. 'Crash the car and run like fuck whilst he's still processing what's just happened' seems fairly apposite to me.

But why not just step on the brakes abruptly and send him flying through the car, instead?
That's what I don't understand - the idea seems to be that he doesn't wear a seatbelt, and therefore will not be protected against the car crash.
However, stepping on the brakes should have about the same effect, but with the added benefit that your car stays intact. (I have never had an accident that severe, so perhaps it is not the same? But I would think it is.)

Kind Honestly, 99.9% of the time I take no shit, but I was like this --> . I think I ended up thanking him for his advice - and I had a bloody kindle sitting upstairs in the hotel room.

Lonny
Yes, I would have thanked him too