On appearances

[WriteforFun1]

Does anyone else wonder how we got here - I feel like many women are obsessed with their appearance. Of course there is pressure and I understand that. There's also people who enjoy spending time on their appearance.

However, I'm starting to feel I don't know what an unmade up woman looks like - apart from me! I hear friends and colleagues talking about support underwear, millions of types of fabric cut, £80 eyelash conditioner - WTF?!

Of course i realise not all women do this, but I'm amazed how many do, how these industries get bigger and bigger. I had QVC on the other day - waiting for the gardening hour! - and the "before" and "after" pics of some outrageously pricey skin product looked almost exactly the same! And they were using it for sales!

And I'm getting very interesting responses from people for not dyeing my hair now i'm getting greys. I even had a neighbour comment on it - very rude, he apologised right away but I do realise that now people aren't used to seeing grey hair on a 40 something, which is ridiculous.

sorry that was mostly a rant. But I am wondering why so many women give into this. I do get that certain workplaces require you to look a certain way but the spending a ton on skin products goes further than that, I think? What do others think?

I maybe should add, I'm single so I don't feel any pressure to look good for a partner.

NotCitrus - I agree it's spreading to men.

re the bonding, yes, I do watch a lot of mainstream TV - well probably US rather than UK - but as I lack interest in other things that seem to form office culture, I also have that so I know what you mean. Then again, I struggle to socialise with work anyway, I don't like it generally, so I don't know if I'd feel any better with those topics on the table.

What i find more odd is when friends show me stuff - one bought a branded £30 lipstick the other day and in trying to show an interest, he said to me "oh, I can see from your face, you would want to buy this, wouldn't you?" And what could I say "no, I'm trying to look enthusiastic while you bore me"? So I said "er, no, I just think the case is a nice design". He's actually bought me pricey skincare as gifts before, I've had to drop hints in order to not get the same thing again!!

Totally agree. My students at school spend longer getting ready for svhool than I did for my wedding! I'm refusing to dye my hair, too. So depressing.

I think this recent change and obsession with the way we look is because of social media, Instagram and Facebook in particular. It passed me by, I'm late 30s but I'm worried for my DDs, how will this pressure affect them?

Empress, that's an interesting point. I do social media to some extent - I am not the person who Tweets photos of their dinner - but I definitely go on a lot of nights out where pictures will be posted.

In pondering that, I'm not sure if there is a connection - I know a lot of people who don't do social media but still go for a really high level of grooming and then talk about how hard it all is.

for managers, sales, consulting, image is a part of your role, and for women the expectation is a certain amount of makeup or you look like you don't belong - the equivalent of wearing a cheap suit to a directors meeting.

I agree that for these types of job the image that you project is important (we could discuss at length why physical appearance is so important I'm sure) and that there is an expectation that for women this means wearing make-up to look like you belong. I suppose what I take issue with is why is should be that women need to paint their faces to be deemed suitably professional when men don't. If I and a male colleague are both wearing suits, are clean and have neat hair why should I also be expected to have coloured lips, flawless skin and mascara on my eyelashes to accentuate them? I also think it's interesting that for a man a few grey hairs can give him an advantage in that he may be described as distinguished looking but for a woman it's often seen as a sign that she's old (and therefore not on the ball) and too lazy to dye it.

I think PP have made some interesting points about social media too. Nowadays (especially for the younger women) photos/videos of every social event are likely to be published on line and commented on by other people so I'm sure there is even more pressure to look just right. I can see that this is also increasingly applicable to men which I suppose to some extent could be seen as good for equality but it saddens me that outward appearance is becoming even more of an issue than when I was younger.

Chunky, exactly, and that's partly why I'm surprised that more women don't reject this. But rather than that, it's a burgeoning market.

I was going to post a similar thread a while ago but could not articulate my point so thank you!

I agree with OP's points. We are too obsessed and I think that sometimes it is sad that all there is to a person - a woman, in particular - is her appearance. I do get grooming to a point. I wear make-up but not always every day and only a bit of mascara, usually. I also dye my hair. I tend not to dress up and take time over what to wear unless I am going somewhere. Sometimes I'll wear jewellery if I feel like it. It is not the end of the world if I don't groom and I certainly would not stay in over it or feel bad about myself but I am sucked in to the extent that I feel a bit better if I make myself look 'nice.'

However, where I do think it is wrong is if you feel you can't answer the door if you don't have make up on or, in the case of a friend of mine, she couldn't wear make up due to an eye infection and so wore a hat on the school run.

This would never happen to a man...

I also think, to a point, men expect to us to be like that and other women expect all women to chat about make up and fashion. I take part in it to an extent but it's not something I could have a long conversation about.

Gandalf, I think it was the extremity of eyelash serum or something that made me post...it has bugged me for a while but I think it's got to a really bizarre stage. It's linked to consumerism of course.

But I guess there's a political element for me. I'm puzzled that women seem to embrace this rather than reject it.

Yes. It is a lot of money. I can think of a multitude of things I'd rather spend the money on - a night out, an item of clothing, something for the children, put it towards a weekend or day out or something!! It's grotesque, the consumerism but I guess it is their choice, isn't it?

I gave in after first child and went from next to no make up to:
Roots done myself every 3 weeks
Highlights and cut every 3 months
Make up every morning
Eyebrow thread once a month
Much more interest in clothes too!!
I really enjoy the ritual now but I admit it can get tedious. Particularly the hair.
It came with age. I just don't look so good anymore.

Kennington, interesting that you say you "gave in"!

Gandalf, I think it was the extremity of eyelash serum or something that made me post...i

It really has damn all to do with you what a grown up woman spends her money on. Possibly you are unaware of the fact that as you get older some women lose eyebrows and eye lashes. I did. I don't suppose any one apart from me noticed but I did.

Eyelash serum is a side effect of a legitimate medical treatment. I can't now remember which but it was a verifiable and unexpected side effect. It really does work.

I love the way one list of things to spend money on is fine but other things are "grotesque consumerism"

I have never done make up every day. It takes a big occasion to make me use even a small amount - like a wedding. I had too much make up on at my own wedding, and I regret it. I dont look like me in the photos!

A couple of years ago I was in the cinema and got irritated by an advert for some sort of skincare, so I commented along the lines of "or just have a face". The woman in front of me turned round in her seat and grinned, it was a great moment of solid against all the lotions and potions :)

I am 33 now, and hope that as my hair gets greyer and my skin gets wrinklier I will still not give a damn.

Correction: "moment of solidarity"

I am 45 and we'll aware. I do spend some money on appearance but stand by the fact that eighty pounds is a lot on my income. Id have to be rich to justify it. My mother is seventy something and could not afford it either but looks fine without it as did my grandparents etc etc so yes it's up to you as said in my first post but still think it's a waste. That's just how I feel about it personally