Aghh - failed to pick up some everyday sexism

[iisme]

I was at a school meeting last week and the head was talking about the football teams. The school had entered a boys and a girls team to an event, even though they are usually mixed (this is at primary level). The event organiser had said that mixed was probably better, in part 'because the girls might beat the boys!' It was said as a joke by the female head and most of the people there (largely women) had a good laugh. I muttered furious ironic comments to my neighbour about how shameful it would be for the boys to be beaten by a group of girls and how they obviously needed to be protected from such humiliation.

Should I have actually picked up on this? And if so, how, without looking like a total idiot? Or am I being too sensitive?! I just feel that if they are making jokes like this with the children (I don't know that they had but it come off very much as a joke that's been told many times before about this situation) then it's sending a really bad message to the girls about how being last is their natural place.

@PalmerViolet...... Wrong again, I have been on Mumsnet for about a year! You are being sidetracked....... Once again boys should not be FORCED to play football with girls if they do not want to. You would not FORCE girls to play football with boys if they did not want to!

No, I don't think I am being sidetracked, I think I am commenting on how consistently ridiculous your posts have been since you started posting a couple of days ago.

Do you feel that the boys being forced to play sports with girls are doing so at gunpoint? Or might it just be that small children aren't as sexist as you are?

Going back to isit's opening post, yes, you are right it was casual sexism of the sort which cuts girls out from taking part in a great sport, but I don't at all blame you for not challenging it on the spot - these sort of comments tend to "blind-side" me too, and I find I only manage to disentangle why they bothered me after the event.

Can I just give an example of a primary school football tournament being well run? I took the afternoon off work earlier this week to watch my son's school tournament - years 3 and 4. It was a delight. Teams were "self-chosen", so they ranged from teams made up of kids from local competitive youth league teams through to groups of friends (of both sexes) who'd never played before. My DS's team had 3 good players (one of whom was a girl who plays for one of the local league teams - her sliding tackles were amazing), and 3 pretty much novice players - and they did brilliantly. The emphasis was on having fun. Yes, some of the children got minor bumps and bruises - and it was dealt with sensibly by the staff - a cuddle, a cold compress, no sexist comments! At the end of the group stage, we had a surprise "celeb guest" - an assistant referee who's run the line at world cups, and will be one of the officials at Euro 2016. And his (very short) speech was great - the first thing he said wasn't "wow I've seen such great skill", but "It's been great to see so many smiling faces". Which is as it should be, because the point of a day like this is to get the children who maybe wouldn't have a go to try a great sport and see if they enjoy it, not to showcase the next generation of top-flight footballers.

@PalmerViolet....... Answer this question. If your daughter was at school, and she loved playing football, but wanted to play for the girls team, would you force her, not by gunpoint, but because she had no alternative, to play with boys?

@Buffy.... If they want to play together that is great. I have no problem with that. I have a problem when they are being forced to play together due to some teachers agenda!

Well, it's quite simple then Bridge, isn't it? If the rules of the competition say mixed teams are allowed, and your son doesn't want to abide by the rules of the competition, then he'll have to decide not to play.

Anyone else seeing bridge as one of those horrific sideline parents who threatens referees should they not give their precious darlings the benefit of the doubt when they tackle dangerously?

Absolutely.

This is clueless, and is a perfect example of why boys don't want to play football with girls, and should not be forced to....... Utterly clueless!

Tis not me love, it's the actual FA rules. Hope that helps.

Well Lurc, as I said. My Son goes to a school who's Headteacher does things as they should be done. Do you think that 11 year old girls should be FORCED to play Rugby with boys?

@Doreen...... Players can get hurt. or go flying in tackles that are perfectly legal!

Also, lets not personalise this, but seeing as you have. I do not say a word, when I watch my Son play football, and cannot abide parents that scream and shout at kids games!

@Buffy...... So if my 18 year old Daughter does not want to play Netball with boys, that makes her a sexist does it?

Given that I have played a variety of contact sports at various levels, from fun local through county up to national side and started playing most of them with boys, then no, I would have no problem in getting any putative daughter involved in sport with boys. In fact, it is completely normal for sports teams in infant and primary schools to be mixed in the UK, and this continues into teams outwit schools.

The FA has this to say about it: This is about a modern, child-friendly approach to youth football, challenging the win-at-all-costs mentality that is stifling development and enjoyment for young people. Working together with a proactive attitude, adults can help develop a better learning environment for young people that puts their needs at the centre of the process.

My bold, which shows that even the FA, not known as a bastion of equality, understands that parental attitudes like yours are making the game worse. I am sure you will find a way of justifying it though.

I find your use of language interesting; and your continued insistence on using a form of address that, had you actually been on this forum for a year or so, you would know wasn't a form that is used here is also very telling.

Perhaps the fact that bridgetoc capitalises the initial s in 'son' tells us more than anything else.

Having said that I don't think that the particular girl bridgetoc mentions is probably suited to sport. Bursting into tears after being sent flying does seem to indicate that another activity might be more suitable.

You just have to look at professional football, not exactly inclusive is it? Known for its sexism, racism, homophobia. Professional football epitomises a sort of hyper masculine to me.

DD liked football, until she started school and little boys like bridgetoc DC wouldn't let her join in. There is a connection here, it's starts young.

Hyper masculinity

@Palmer...... Yes but would you not think it was unfair if your daughter wanted to play Rugby, and could only do so in a mixed sex team? That she was not given the choice to play in a all girls team?

Nope. Because I am not a fuckwit.

@Palmer.... I'll leave it there. Once someone posts in such an insulting personal way when you are having a discussion, you are wasting your time. Have a nice day!

Once again boys should not be FORCED to play football with girls if they do not want to. You would not FORCE girls to play football with boys if they did not want to!

Er, all the football clubs around here (FA accredited) have mixed teams to up to about 10 years. Do you genuinely have a problem with that, Bridge?

bridge, if you have taken my post as meaning that you are a fuckwit, and are therefore leaving a thread where you have been shown to be utterly out of step with the rest of humanity that is of course your prerogative. It's a touch rich coming from someone who has roundly insulted pretty much every other poster on the thread, but I'm sure you'll be able to rationalise that to yourself.

I shall have an absolutely glorious day, and not in the passive aggressive little way you want me to.