help me put this into words please

[HappyHeart87]

I've got a baby daughter. Most of her clothes are gifts or handmedowns, and usually we prefer to dress her in colours other than pink.

Sometimes she's in dresses; sometimes she's in clothes with typically 'boy' styles, colours and images, and I get a little frisson of smug when people assume she's a boy for that reason ("what's his name?" "Isn't he cute?" etc).

Here's the thing - if I had a son I don't think I'd ever dress him in pink, anything frilly/flowery/sparkley, or a skirt or dress. Would have no issue with him choosing that himself when older but wouldn't make that choice for a baby.

Clear double standard, right? What's going on?

TeiTetua, but that happens every single time with femininity.

The top fashion designers, cooks, artists, writers, textile artists, hair dressers, experts on nature. etc etc usually male.

But those things are still coded as for women and girls most of the time.

Sellotape, it is weird and very recent. When DS was little baby clothes were often Peter Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh or teddies. Even his Boden toddler stuff was horses and fish.

I think for me it would be about protecting them from judgement and retaining their innocence. So my nephew(3) had his nails painted but we knew we'd be going to a party with bigger boys so we carefully manoeuvred to remove the varnish beforehand (so he didn't know why). Me and my brother couldn't bear the thought of the older boys taking the piss and my nephew becoming more aware and less innocent.

On the 1970s AIBU thread recently, there was one saying "all children look the same, wearing jeans, bright t-shirts and collar length hair..." . I was that kid and fondly remember the sweaty nylon kermit shirt, so this genderisation of kid clothes is a relatively recent thing. I try and keep the kids neutral but it is, and shouldn't be, really hard not to blench in horror when dd, 3, insists on the fairy dress. Again.
Why is the ultra feminine less acceptable or valuable to me than Neutrality? Mind you, i can't stick ultra masc stuff on ds, 5 either.
I realise this is no help to op' s question!