Man cleared of rape after having sex with a woman who thought he was someone else

[Felascloak]

metro.co.uk/2016/05/12/woman-realised-she-was-having-sex-with-wrong-man-so-accused-him-of-rape-5876504/

I feel really bad for this woman (although I think if I was on the jury I probably would have thought there was a chance he believed he had consent). The headline implies she was unreasonably upset when she found the person having sex with her wasn't who she thought and so "falsely accused" him. Poor woman probably feels totally violated.
Also, what kind of man shags a woman who's gone home with a different guy, when that guy has just left the room for a minute. Ugh. He says he didn't even want to

" However, if a predator had been looking for 'opportunity', my habit of walking home from a friend's student digs at 1 or 2am could have afforded that. "

A friend of mine back when I was a student was raped when returning home after dark... the thing is, it was 5.00pm and she was returning from lectures. What could she have done to make herself safe? Not gone to lectures? Not done a degree? Well no, obviously that would be absurd "keep yourself safe advice" and it never gets trotted out. Funnily enough the "keep yourself safe" advice only gets trotted out selectively, round activities which (risk of rape quite aside) many people disapprove of women doing - drinking, having one night stands with people they've just picked up. That's the thing about rape myths - they're not really about reducing risk at all, they're about providing rapists with a cultural narrative to use as an excuse to get them off if their case ever comes to court, and about separating women into "good, well behaved, sensible women" and "women who were asking for it."

When I think about my three closest calls, all of which required considerable amounts of persuasion to talk my way out of them - one was with a taxi driver on a contract to the firm I then worked for, bringing me back home from the airport after a business trip, and two were the classic scenarios of "acquaintance on the fringe of your circle of friends offers to walk you home, and you feel socially obliged to agree because 'everyone knows a woman on her own is at risk'". Not surprisingly, I feel safer walking alone or getting crowded public transport - but that is just my perception. I certainly wouldn't generalise to some daft statement about "you can reduce your risk by doing X, Y, Z" based on my small sample of experiences.

Having said that, the stats do bear out the fact that women are far more likely to be raped by men they know than by complete strangers.

The other thing worth bearing in mind vis a vis the "it's all a horrible misunderstanding" theory is that work by various criminologists (especially David Lisak) suggests that when you describe acts which meet the legal definition of rape, but leave the actual word "rape" out of the description, about 6% of men will admit to these acts. When you use the word "rape", the percentage drops to... drum roll... 5%. Which suggests that your average rapist in fact understands consent perfectly, he just doesn't care.

But dressing in the way that a model would in a lads mag (in which, let's be honest, women are dressed to appeal sexually to men) does seem as if it would be more likely to catch a predator's eye.

Or alternatively, that could be entirely in your rape-apologising, victim blaming little mind. A small group of convicted rapists (i.e. not the vast majority by all estimated figures, who never face any consequences) giving a self-serving reason for why they personally made the free choice to commit a violent crime is not really compelling evidence, is it?

But this is a rape myth that people find hard to give up. "It must have been at least a bit her fault, damn it! Otherwise it doesn't make any sense, and then it's possible I might become a victim, and there is not much I can do about it... no, it was definitely her behaviour and choices that were at fault! It won't happen to me!"

Sorry for crappy quoting - the first para is gone's.

Also isn't the fact that so much heterosexual sex, has a lot in common with coercive/predatory/rape scenarios that we have these gray areas and blurred lines cause for concern?

Fair point, Dervel.

"I know how I walk it- and everyone else I know - and it involves common sense"

No, no, you don't 'know'. You haven't met a rapist who, at the time, wanted to commit a rape yet, and I hope you continue to be that lucky.

So I do think there are behaviours that can make it less likely you are raped

I'm not quite sure why I'm highlighting this inane comment when there are so many to pick from but , hey ho.

None of the victims in Cologne knew their attacker. Do we just sweep it under the carpet and say 'hmmm yes well ya see...... statistically women are more likely raped by people they know?'

Eh, miss?

Of course not.

So, if you are victim blaming, what were the women in Cologne doing wrong, other than existing in a public space?

They did nothing wrong. When you get people from a real rape culture from a real patriarchy and a mass rape happens in a first world country you sit there dumbfounded

Do you mean to imply that Germany is not a real patriarchy?

If Germany was not a real rape culture, than the sexual assaults those men committed in Cologne would have been much more severely punished. As things are, big German political parties have refused to change the laws that DO NOT CONSIDER GRABBING A WOMAN'S BREASTS ILLEGAL.

It is all a matter of degree. Yeah, those men are from a worse rape culture. This doesn't make German rape culture less real.

Bloody hell. Wish I'd never posted the thread in the first place. I will not bother next time.

I'm getting really fed up of the derailing. Cologne has nothing to do with the topic of the thread.

I suspect it does if you're a xenophobic rape apologist who doesn't know shit about shit and wants to let the whole world know it.

Felas, I am glad you started it or I wouldn't have known of the case.

There has been a widening of the definition of rape myth on this thread to involve any correlation whatsoever between a victim's location/characteristics/other specifics and the rape itself.

I can understand why this would be the case, given that psychological outcomes are poorer for rape victims who feel the specifics of their situation may in some way have contributed to the rape. I can also understand that links between the victim's specific circumstances and the assault could make it more difficult for rape victims to come forward and seek help, as well as running the risk of in some way 'explaining' and thereby mitigating the perpetrator's guilt.

However, I still think that the terms rape myth or rape apologist have been loosely and unhelpfully applied. This has potentially harmful consequences for women, given that, while some rapes may occur randomly, others are more likely to occur to certain groups - who might be safer if they are aware of this.

running the risk of in some way 'explaining' and thereby mitigating the perpetrator's guilt.

It is possible to "explain" a rapist's behaviour by the fact that they are a violent criminal with no regard for the wellbeing of their victim. There is no mitigation for a perpetrator's guilt to be found in the behaviour of the victim. Not ever. Do you get that?

The best way of taking preventative steps to prevent women being raped are:

1. Stop victim blaming or finding reasons why women are somehow culpable in their sexual assaults.
2. Encourage women to come forward when they have been raped by believing them and treating them with respect for having the personal courage to stand up in court.
3. Convinct more rapists, this helps by taking the individuals who rape out of society for a while. Sends a discouraging message to other would be rapists and encourage more women to come forward.
4. As a society have zero tolerance to any form of sexual assault.
5. Remove the 'shades of grey' that exist in the law about consent.
6. Teach our sons about the importance of clear consent.
7. Teach our daughters that unwanted sexual advances are not their fault in any way and that they have the right to stand-up and call out such behaviour, be it catcalls in the street, groping on public transport or an abusive partner.
8. Believe women who tell us about their experiences.
9. Accept women have a right to go out, have a drink, walk down the street on their own at night without being fearful that their behaviour could be seen as encouraging someone to rape them.

It's fuck all to do with wearing a bikini in the wrong part of town

However, I still think that the terms rape myth or rape apologist have been loosely and unhelpfully applied.
Hahaha. What, you mean when applied to you?

This has potentially harmful consequences for women, given that, while some rapes may occur randomly, others are more likely to occur to certain groups - who might be safer if they are aware of this.
This is bollocks. All women are well aware that society as a whole believes they are putting themselves at risk by wearing certain clothes, drinking, casual sex etc, whether or not that's the case. Most of us feel uneasy if a man walks up behind us after dark.
Rape is never the fault of the victim. Never. It's the fault of the rapist.

Great post silver

This has potentially harmful consequences for women, given that, while some rapes may occur randomly, others are more likely to occur to certain groups - who might be safer if they are aware of this

I suppose it's not complete bollocks. Women involved in prostitution are , I would imagine more at risk than women not involved in prostitution.

And unfortunately so too are vulnerable girls in Rochdale scenarios.

Somehow I don't think either of those groups are who Gone has in mind, given the " might be safer if they are aware of this " comment. I'm not entirely clear what she means by it but I assume something along the lines of "if they'd just stop flaunting themselves/giving out the wrong signals" and so on ad nasuem

The fact some groups are more at risk isn't bollocks. It's the "harmful consequences" part, as if women will read this thread and start doing things that put them at risk that they wouldn't have done otherwise. It's idiotic.

Vestal. You understand if those in Cologne were more harshly punished there'd be cries of racism? Some job Merkel is doing who is a woman no less

I responded to you on another thread, Bridget, not realising you were a GF. Thanks for clearing that up though.