Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2

Original poster

When a man says.......

48 replies

MattBerrysHair · 08/05/2016 21:04

'I have enormous respect for women' it grates on me. I find it 'othering' and misogynistic, but I can't effectively articulate why. My bf says such things on occasion and I have attempted to present a coherent explanation as to why I don't like it, but I don't think I've yet succeeded.

If anyone can articulate why it's a misogynistic thing to say could you please help me out? Or if you don't agree with my feelings on it could you explain why?

Thanks very much.

OP posts:

MrWho · 10/05/2016 07:33

I can't even remember what context it was said in or even saying it at all!

This thread has made me think though.
It's also ruined the last two days for me.
Thanks.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/05/2016 07:47

Wrong thread?

MrWho · 10/05/2016 08:01

No.
I'm the OP's boyfriend.

HolgerDanske · 10/05/2016 08:04

Hmmmm.

Did she direct you to this thread?

MrWho · 10/05/2016 08:14

Yes.
Why, am I going to be accused of being a stalker too?

SpeakNoWords · 10/05/2016 08:17

Just wondering how this thread could have ruined the last two days for you?

PalmerViolet · 10/05/2016 08:19

So defensive!

Are you always this touchy about things on an anonymous forum, or is it only when you're behaviour has been called into question?

OP, hope you're ok. (And no, Who, not because you might have done something unforgivable, however, if you're this tetchy with complete strangers over a reasonable question, then you must be a joy to be with right now in real life)

MrWho · 10/05/2016 08:20

Finding that something I can't remember saying has offended the person I love the most in the world and being labelled a sexist.

PalmerViolet · 10/05/2016 08:20

ewww... what the fuck happened with the dodgy you're?

Apols.

SpeakNoWords · 10/05/2016 08:23

She said that one thing that you say is unconsciously sexist/misogynist. Not that you are sexist/misogynist. She also said that she didn't like it, not that she was offended by it.

Surely, as a non-misogynist, it is helpful to know where you might have been unconsciously sexist, and use the points made here for a constructive discussion with your girlfriend?

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 10/05/2016 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolgerDanske · 10/05/2016 08:32

Just asking, because if you were here because you'd found it yourself that would not be good. But then if that were the case I don't expect you would have said.

No need to be so defensive.

HolgerDanske · 10/05/2016 08:37

Why has it ruined the last two days for you? Sounds a little dramatic...

MrWho · 10/05/2016 08:42

Do I think I'm sexist?

Well I didn't until two days ago!

VestalVirgin · 10/05/2016 08:52

I am confused. I think she explained to you why she disliked you saying that, so why do you only feel bad for making her uncomfortable after reading a thread about it?

The fact that you do not even remember saying that (and, I assume, the ensuing discussion) is rather illustrating.

But they're also vastly over-represented as the cause of many of the ills.

You mean under-represented, surely? Nowhere are men over-represented as cause of anything bad ... except maybe in some tiny feminist circles. Certainly not in society in general.

AnyFucker · 10/05/2016 09:28

How did you know about this thread, MrWho ?

scallopsrgreat · 10/05/2016 10:12

"I've always thought respect was earned and once earned you knew you had earned it without another person telling you you had."

See I used to think that. But now I think that respect for another should be the default. I think the whole 'respect should be earned' is a reason why racism, sexism, homophobia, classism etc is maintained. It is also a way of keeping the goalposts shifting and measuring respect according to what white, male, straight middle to upper class men define it as.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/05/2016 10:19

You mean under-represented, surely? Nowhere are men over-represented as cause of anything bad ... except maybe in some tiny feminist circles. Certainly not in society in general.

War

Rape

Domestic violence

Violence in general.

I think you can, unfortunately, safely say that men are vastly over-represented when it comes to those.

Or, what? You think women are the case of those?

BreakingDad77 · 10/05/2016 10:45

I took me a while to see it and this forum has help, as a guy you say these things thinking they are good but actually are quite patronising.

No different to saying you having "enormous respect for black people"

VestalVirgin · 10/05/2016 17:18

Or, what? You think women are the case of those?

Ah, no, sorry. I was thinking of "representation" in media terms. Men's responsibility for all those things is played down in books, movies, etc.

They are overrepresented in that they commit 90% or more despite only being 50% of the population, totally, yes.

Original poster

MattBerrysHair · 14/05/2016 09:10

I actually pointed MrWho to the thread, and he didn't say it had ruined the last two days. That was a pp asking if it had. There hasn't been any drama, just calm discussion.

OP posts:

SpeakNoWords · 14/05/2016 09:48

Isn't that what he said in his post on the 10/05 at 7.33?

Original poster

MattBerrysHair · 14/05/2016 09:51

Oh yeah, I should not skim read really

OP posts:

Flip

1 2