Would you rescind offer of help?

[DraenorQueen]

I've been awarded a promotion at work which will leave a vacancy in my old role. There are a few people suitable, a couple of whom I'm friendly. One male colleague, who I'm friendly with in a mentor/student kind of way messaged me asking for advice on his application. Of course, that's fine, but I made it clear I'd offer similar help to anyone else who wanted it.

Then in further conversation he said, "See, I think I have a natural advantage being male. I feel I could hammer discipline (school job!) and I'd be better for day to day people management." (Implying I've not done a good job?!) When I predictably sent a rather curt objection he protested "well that's what girls always tell me. I don't care how I get it, I'll charm (winky face)"

I feel like not offering any help at all now. I feel disappointed. He comes across, I feel, as quite immature with some views I don't like. Or am I over-reacting at the "natural advantage" comment?

to moan how his dept in his new school is all female bar him and the head of department. He quickly backtracked when I went off

Such comments reveal their speakers as weak in their jobs, and lacking in common sense, let alone professional expertise.

Oooh, I like AskBasil's suggestion.

I am at this, please pass on his emails to your boss or interview panel. They need to see them.

It would be awful to think of him gaining this job, when his true character could have been shown.

Just to add, if this was the other way round, eg if you had email him for advice, then said something along the lines of, I shouldn't worry though, as us sisters stick together ;) and we are far better at multi tasking which is essential in the role your role

I don't think he would any qualms in going straight to his boss or interview panel with it. So why should you?

How depressing that schools are apparently full of men like this, no doubt passing their prejudices on to the next generation

Anyone who thinks they would be 'naturally better' t a job because they're male, is unfitted for that job, by definition, it seems to me.

Look, we all know there's an old boys' club - that the other side of the competition men seem to play with each other is that they'll close ranks to support each other. So why don't women feel they shouldn't do the same?

I'd be telling your colleague and the line manager about this man's unsuitability for the role because of the reason he thinks he's suitable. It's really crap reason, unsubstantiated & unprofessional - it's not drawing on what actual skills & expertise he has. It will be difficult for him to learn & improve, if that's his mindset.

I think you could make a really solid argument that this man's prejudice & sexism are barriers to his improvement & progress as a professional.

So pissed off, I feel like I'm surrounded by people who have this secret understanding that men will just naturally assume leadership.

You are.

Welcome to the patriarchy, which once seen, can never be unseen.

Some things that stood out for me:

"See, I think I have a natural advantage being male.

I think he may well be right here. Supposedly feminised teaching is overrepresented by men at the top of the profession. Probably because their dicks make them better at something or other?

I feel I could hammer discipline (school job!)

Well, how? By being shouty and masculine? Is that what school discipline is supposed to be about? Why does being male help?

and I'd be better for day to day people management."

How again? He doesn't seem to display much in the way of self-awareness, so how does he think he's going to be able to manage others?

"well that's what girls always tell me. I don't care how I get it, I'll charm "

That just makes him sound a bit creepy.

In al, just based on what you wrote in your OP, he sounds like he's at about the right level for him right now. Any more responsibility would probably be beyond his abilities.

So, if he believes he has a natural advantage being male, he doesn't need your help then does he?

I would pass that email on to those recruiting.

I'd also say "you don't need my help and btw I think you're very unprofessional".

I wouldn't feel comfortable helping someone who I knew had this attitude to be in a position of influence over young people, their minds, their education. He's given you reason to withdraw your offer of help, and compounded it with a wink. "charm"? "winky face"? Grr, wanky face more like it.