Ok a bit more detail about dd...
When she was 2 I said to the HV that I thought she was showing unusual behaviour -she was lining stuff up, wouldn't eat food that touched on a plate, had issues with specific items of clothes -sock seams, labels -that sort of thing
But she was incredibly verbal and was already starting to pick out words in books
I was told she was just intelligent and to enjoy her
She had friendship issues all the way through primary but this was put down to girls being girls or the fact that her emotional level didn't match her intelligence level
Showed signs of stress at home but didn't display this at school
Went to high school and things fell apart -she was aggressive at home, stopped going out, dropped out of all her extra curricular activities, anxiety through the roof -but a model pupil at school
Until we reached total school refusal, daily panic attacks, withdrew from everyone and everything
School in our area can refer to camhs -they didn't because they saw it as a truancy issue
GP can refer but wouldn't because dd wouldn't leave the house to go to GP
We were bounced between GP and school for months until DD was in crisis, refusing to eat or drink, had been wearing the same clothes 24/7 for 4 weeks and hadn't washed in that period either
GP came and did a home visit and camhs came out 5 days later for an anxiety and depression referral
Camhs decided to do the ADOS assessment after that first meeting
I was even told by school that there was no way dd would get an ASD diagnosis as she contributed in class and had friends -apart from she didn't have friends, she had people she spoke to in school, or hung around on the edge of the group at school
I think prior to meeting camhs, people just didn't have ASD on their radar
She made eye contact (but was uncomfortable doing it if anyone asked -it's just no one ever did)
She didn't have any strange obsessions (she had obsessions, they just weren't strange so didn't stand out)
She had friends (or could maintain the appearance of having friends)
She had no learning difficulties
She had no speech and language issues (other than being very blunt/literal but that was viewed as a personality trait rather than being something she struggles with)
She just didn't fit the traditional role