What even IS a yummy mummy and why do people use it as an insult?

[mssmithsonian]

I've heard this phrase so much, particularly since my ds was born 4 months ago. Why do other people use it as an insult? What do they think it even means?!

It always seemed aimed at middle class mothers. The implication being that they indulge their children and spend their lives downing lattes. I'm on the cusp of an angry blog about looking down on women on maternity leave, so would love some opinions!

(Everyone loves some feminist rage on a Sunday morning...)

"Gentleman of leisure"'is definitely a thing, eg the 1910 novel by PG Wodehouse.

You got me.

The only people I ever converse with are those on this thread.

I actually am that sad and lonely.

Or it might be that even in my wide circle of acquaintance, I have never heard anyone reference it.

And yes Trills. The reasons why no one uses the expression is because there is no need to.

I've never heard of DILF either. It seems a redundant term if for no other reason than that becoming a parent has no physical effect on what a man's body looks like.

I'm saying that not using a word is different to not being aware of it.

Never a surprise, is it?

When you get blokes folks on here (Feminism Chat by the way) who will go off to dig out more obscure references and report back on here. As if finding a term referenced on the internet means that it has equal weight with many people's lived experiences. Rather than, you know, acknowledge that society labels women in ways that it generally does not with men.

1910? Seriously?

On the bright side, it did make me think of the word Tossers though. That does seem to be a label that is used almost exclusively about men.

Well, this has shattered all my illusions. I thought it was a compliment. Someone bought me mug with it on.

It's entirely possible that some people use it as a compliment and only mean to say that you are an attractive mother, without thinking too deeply about why the term exists.

Some people think LOL means "lots of love".

Google has:

MILF at 35,600,000 results
DILF at 473,000 results but this includes Diplôme Initial de Langue Française as well.

It's really not much at all for a google search, suggesting it's not really very much used.

So now it's gone from "there's never an equivalent term for men" to "there is an equivalent term for men but it's not really very much used".

So DILF is used a 1000 times less than MILF (literally) if not a lot less once we take out Diplôme Initial de Langue Française (which makes me giggle comparing the two acronyms for some reason).

But but but we need to acknowledge that it is used because obviously stating that its 'never' used has to absolutely mean never ever ever, even in the course of a casual conversation. And after all, there are all those men disadvantaged from being called DILF.

DILF only exists so that someone can say "it's like a male MILF".

It's not a concept that needs a word, because men are much less often rated on their fuckability and hardly ever defined by their status as a dad.

It's not an equivalent in any meaningful way.

My mum uses it about women who drive SUV's and don't go back to work when their kids go to school, stand at the side of the rugby pitch in skinny jeans looking amazing and sipping lattes, give their kids quirky names and always have perfect hair. I wish I was a 'yummy mummy'!!

But seriously, it's meant in a kind of mean way even though all the things that make a mummy yummy are quite desirable.

I know women who use yummy mummy to describe themselves.

Vomit.

Well it's like many words when it comes to women: half exalting, half derogatory.

"Princess" anybody?

'Yummy mummy', 'earth mother', 'working mother', 'sahm', 'full time mum'. All phrases used to describe the ways in which women parent.

I've heard men described as a 'new man' or a 'hands-on dad', usually when they change a nappy or do the school run. The message being that 'men' don't usually do that kind of thing and it's remarkable when they do. It's equally insulting.

I've been called a yummy mummy, normally when my hair is done nicely, I have a full face of make up, am wearing nice clothes and my kids are behaving perfectly!
On the flip side when I look normal (most of the time with my hair tied up, less make up and kids arguing) I get told how tired I look or comments such as 'how do you manage working full time with 3 kids'.
I'm in a high profile role in a small town, most people know me and say whatever they bloody well like to me.
I'd rather they didn't comment on my appearance at all as they never do the same with my colleagues (who are men!) and it's upsetting and annoying

'Supermum' pisses me off too- I somehow have super powers because I am able to parent and work!
It's like people think it's a new phenomenon!
Aaaargh I've had a proper Sunday rant

'So now it's gone from "there's never an equivalent term for men" to "there is an equivalent term for men but it's not really very much used".'

I think it was just different people posting, wasn't it? Some who had heard it and some who hadn't. I have heard of it - also GILF (granny), and I'm sure there are other derivatives.

I posted the google results as it's a good indicator of how much a phrase comes up. I spend a lot of time using social media for work and often find that very few of my friends (mid twenties-thirties) are aware of what seems to be very well used online, so I would expect rl use to be below the google results.

The fact that these terms exist to describe women is relevant though - I doubt mothers are 1000 times more attractive than fathers and that's why the difference exists.