Why are men so turned off by women with short hair?

[MissTessmacher]

Just idly musing.

I recently cut my hair quite drastically. Changed my photo on OLD to one with the new do (previous photo was very glam/pin-up style with shoulder length hair).

I've gone from a very steady average of 10-15 messages a day to zero .

It's not the first time I've observed this phenomenon. The few times before I've cut my hair very short I have noticed it's like a cloak of invisibility when it comes to men.

Anyone care to enlighten me? Is it because women with short hair are considered unfeminine? (What a crock of shit if so).

[WeeHelena]

Sorry just a Bun?..

[Sallystyle]

I have short hair. I don't have elfin features or perfect features but it suits me. I know it does, lots of people tell me it does and say I should keep it short.

However, last year I bought a wig after I got hair extensions (for some stupid reason) that looked hideous. Once I got them out I still wore the wig occasionally just to change things up. I got much more attention from men when wearing it, I have noticed men don't notice me half as much as now I have short hair.

It isn't because it looks shit.

I don't want or need attention from me, my husband loves my hair short, so does everyone I care about but I did find it very interesting.

I actually like long hair on men. DH had long hair until a few years ago. Now he is older I'm glad he has had it cut but I always prefer men to have a good length of hair, shaved heads do nothing for me, although I love females with shaved heads if it suits them.

[shazzarooney99]

I looked like the male in a lesbian relationship when i got my hair cropped! never again!

[IrianofWay]

"Young women didn't used to usually have long hair when I was young. Depressing to think there's now an expectation of women having long hair - requiring lots of time and conditioner"

I was thinking the same thing. The girls walking into DS's school are almost like some sort of clone army - brown/blonde, cut to below the shoulders, smooth, straightened hair. Nary a short hair cut in sight.

I have irritating hair that refuses to stay smooth not matter how much I want it to. I can have it above length and it behaves - any longer and it goes wavy and messy and I can't be doing with it. Haven;t had it longer than that for decades now. DD has just realised that and had it cut shoulder length and it suits her.

Not to mention that long hair doesn't suit everyone. If you have heavy features long hair can make them seem heavier somehow.

I have heard that 'men prefer long hair' sentiment before and I have always assumed it was linked to some ersatz view of femininity. Never heard anyone in RL say it to me though apart from my dad but he's 84.

[Debbrianabottomburp]

I think I read somewhere before that it's a primitive thing. Women with full, long hair are more likely to be more fertile. No idea if there was any proper science behind that though, I'm guessing not!

I guess all the African women will be infertile the opposite from this point of view. Common sense would have given you the answer.

[Yseulte]

Some men are really shallow. Go figure.

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

"Its because men are frightened by serious clever women and need a kick in the balls and if you are faffing about with your hair you don't have time to kick them in the balls".

I was thinking that but was going to express it slightly differently.

Medium to longish (not too long, not much past your shoulder blades) hair is seen as conservative, "normal" and therefore associated with compliance to patriarchy. women who have this hair will be using their spare time to keep it nice rather than smashing women's oppression. Women who cut all their hair off are signalling that they are challenging the status quo and might not giggle self deprecatingly when patronised in public. They might also object to that being-guided-by-the-hand-in-the-small-of-the-back thing.

(Obviously I know that there are millions of women with blonde swishy shoulder length hair and ghds who are FIERCELY smashing the patriarchy, but men who are "thin slicing" - making quick subconscious judgements - will overlook or forget this fact)

[BigQueenBee]

I have a bob after decades of having long thick curly locks.
It is quite grey but not uniformly so, makes me look haggard if I dont colour it.
I've done a stint of dating and quite a few men have asked why I don't grow my hair long.
All I can say is that long hair that is regularly coloured looses it's bounce and looks very flat and unnatural. It's very aging.
I feel a lot more comfortable with shorter hair ,that is healthy looking and doesn't scream: " mutton dressed as lamb".

[BigQueenBee]

BTW, I know some women with long grey locks who look simply stunning, alas I would look like a badger ( and my naturally blonde ????? Mom would go into meltdown)

[MamaLazarou]

I think it's just that, if you have beautiful hair, you're going to look more attractive with more of it! Many people are attracted to the beauty of healthy, shiny hair.

My hair is one of my best features so I keep it shoulder-length because it looks nice.

Of course, some people look better with shorter hair.

[DinosaursRoar]

I have a big moon face and hair that goes very frizzy without weight to keep it in control (this I know from various attempts at shorter layers and badly considered fringes) - cutting my hair would require more effort (dailing straightening and lots of products) or having a head of hair that resembled pubes. (combined with the aforementioned moon-face and I fear chopping my hair would make me look like I had a testicle for a head)

But also, long hair worn down has been a sign of youth and availablilty for a long time, you can't really just blame porn - short hair has only really been socially acceptable for woman for a couple of generations - it was considered scandalous for woman to cut their hair short in the early 1920s.

(I can't stand long hair on men, nor facial hair, I know that's superficial, but I really don't find it attractive at all, regardless of fashion, am very glad the beard is apparently 'over')

[ohtheholidays]

It's not something I've come across I've dated and been engaged and married whilst having short hair and long hair.

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

Ooh, yeah, beards are grim. I'm with Roald Dahl on that one. ( yesterday's dinner hanging about in them)

[TheToys]

Imo beards suit some men better than going beardless. It can enhance the shape the jaw or conceal it. Dh has a fairly weak jawline (think David Mitchell) and looks like his face has been roughly shaped out of dough without a beard.

[wol1968]

I have tried very hard to have my hair long. It goes really flat and lank, never goes much past my shoulders and makes my face look really long and harsh. It won't style without industrial amounts of 'product' (as hairdressers call gel, spray, mousse etc.) as it goes flyaway and any style falls apart in ten seconds. I get greasy roots which go itchy if I don't wash daily, and long hair takes ages to shampoo and dry out. And I have a scalp that is really sensitive to pulls and tugs - the kind of tugging and handling of hair that a PP found sexy would have me screaming in pain because I have about 10 million more nerve endings in the scalp than most people do. So even a hairband in the wrong place can hurt (think bikini wax).

I went back to my usual pixie cut about 18 months ago and felt like me again. I still wonder if I'm doomed to be forever unstylish, but perhaps I should just stick a middle finger up to fashion and its diktats.

[TheToys]

His beard is a short trimmed, "normal" one, though. Not one of those hipster creations.

[PastaLaFeasta]

Ok so long haired women can't be serious and clever, unless grey haired like Mary Beard. They are too busy twiddling around with their hair and submitting to men. Oh and if they have long, thick hair it's actually extensions/a weave. How about feminism being about freedom of choice and stop judging each other, men do that enough for whatever reason - I suspect a mix of ingrained culture and biology but we mostly can't help who we are attracted to.

I have very low maintenance long hair, haven't cut it in well over a year, wash it every other day before blasting with the hair drier or dry naturally in summer. No styling or products most of the time. I just warned a girl that short hair can actually be more of a faff than long as it can need more products and styling. I'm a bit scared of the hairdresser and have a face shape that would look terrible with short hair, I have a few styles I like but it would be awful and higher maintenance which I don't have time/energy for.

[emilybohemia]

Howbadis, I remember when I worked in a bar and I had short hair. Some guys came in totally hammered and gave me some serious abuse, including the predictable 'You look like a lesbian' stuff. It culminated with them smashing glasses against a mirror, quite scary and weird. So I see what you're saying. I made them really mad as I didn't fit in with 'pretty' or what they thought a woman should look like.

I was about 24 and it suited me more than it might now. I used to get some men really liking it. One once told me they really liked short hair on women as it 'made them look more determined.' I've never forgotten that comment.

[emilybohemia]

I must say I know what people mean re many girls now having long locks.I am 41 but at 17 I had a bob, which was quite a popular style then and I think while it isn't super short, you don't see it so much either.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I think it's just that, if you have beautiful hair, you're going to look more attractive with more of it! Many people are attracted to the beauty of healthy, shiny hair.My hair is one of my best features so I keep it shoulder-length because it looks nice

That is the most sensible comment so far.

Medium to longish (not too long, not much past your shoulder blades) hair is seen as conservative, "normal" and therefore associated with compliance to patriarchy. women who have this hair will be using their spare time to keep it nice rather than smashing women's oppression

Did you mean to be so patronising?

[TheToys]

I like to "embody" my feminist stance, so think short hair and chunky glasses fit with that. Shaved hair even more so. As a bonus, it suits me. Don't know how I would think if it didn't.

I moved to Britain from Scandinavia in 2004 to study at a university. In our first lecture comprising of the whole year group, some 300 students, only one female (out of around 180) had short hair -me. There might have been a handful of bobs, but otherwise the females were ALL long haired. A handful wore glasses (me included). I found it so strange. Where I come from around half of women have short hair and many wear glasses too (instead of contacts). Maybe we Scandinavians have a more utilitarian approach to life? Different aesthetics? Who knows.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Good post PastaLaFeasta There are some rather judgemental comments on here.

[scallopsrgreat]

I've had both long and short hair. Long hair way more of a faff and no blow drying etc here either.

[spikejack]

I'm having this dilemma at the moment. I have quite thick, straight, brown hair. As a child and right up until I was about 30, I've mostly had long hair. My sister is a hairdresser so I've had it coloured, highlighted, permed and all sorts. After my second child I wanted it shorter and I've gone from a shoulder bob, to a chin length bob, to a graduated Bob to an Emma Willis style and then a Frankie Bridge pixie. My favourite was the pixie with sort of a swept over fringe-bit and I have had it in slightly varying degrees ever since. I have kind of a heart-shaped face and with a picture pixie I discovered cheekbones and sometimes get compliments (but mostly - 'oohhh you are brave having short hair. It's lovely but I couldn't do it' 😊)

However (and please don't flame me for this) - 90% percent of my friends have long, middle of the back, beautiful hair. On the very rare occasion that we go out, I feel very self conscious that I look completely different to any of them. I definitely don't get any attention (not that I'm after any but the occasional look would be nice!) and I know that looking like everyone else isn't necessarily a bad thing but I'm fairly quiet so I guess I probably look like the short, shy one (which I'm not) with the 'boy hair'. (I'm 5'2")

I know it's ridiculous - I know. But on those occasions I wish that I had long hair, just so I can remember what long hair (and all of the accompanying styling options) feels like.

So, I've been growing my hair since September last year. It's taking sodding forever and at this moment, I hate it. It's 'in-between' and I look like Jimmy Crankie. It comes to just about the bottom of my ear loves and not quite my chin but I feel as if it looks as though my hair has just been 'put' on my head, a bit like a Playmobil person. Yes, that's what I look like! It's too think to tuck it and too think to have it over my ears as it looks odd.

I could, at any given time, just get it cut again - it's a thought I have every morning, but the chin length, stacked bob that I'm heading for will be 'ready' around Easter sort of time.

I know that if I grow it to that length, I'll be out of this bloody horrible stage so I could just continue to grow it.

But, I caught a glimpse of my tired, puffy face in the cinema loos at the weekend (I may have nodded off for 10 minutes during The Chipmunks!) and realised that having hair surrounding my face ages me terribly.

I can't see how that will change as I continue to grow it.

I'm due the minutest of trims now and could literally just go back to a pixie again. But I'm so nearly there! My DH 'hates' my hair as it is (so that's nice but I guess I'm just kind of allowing myself this opportunity before I reach 40.

I'm on Pinterest a bit so I look for tips on how / where to put clips and hair scarf things in (I did not inherit a hairdressing gene!).

Hardly a problem in the grand scheme of things but more annoying really.

[DrSeussRevived]

Lass, under the paragraph you just quoted as patronising, OP wrote that obviously she knew that was not correct. Do be fair.