This is more of a rant than anything else, so I hope it’s all right to post it here.
I know my neighbours quite well – I live in a small block of flats. There is an elderly guy who moved in fairly recently. He’s the sort of person, if he bumps into you at the shops, he will say “how are you?” and squeeze your arm and want to chat for ages. I found it annoying from the start but not annoying enough to speak up. I also find him annoying generally. He seems to hang around at high traffic times for people going in and out. I commented once and he said “well I’m lonely”. I’ve also noticed he always compliments other female residents as well.
Over Christmas and New Year, he managed to do the whole greeting thing to give me a kiss on the cheek. I did find that annoying and after thinking it over I decided to say something. I see him around a lot and I just don’t want every occasion to be a “greet with a kiss” type, you know?
I encountered him and another (male) neighbour this morning. He immediately went to put his arm round me and the other neighbour said “oh stop putting your arm round everyone, it’s annoying and look, she’s trying to rush to the station”.
So the touchy feely neighbour said to me “what? You don’t mind do you?” and I said “yes, I do mind, we don’t know each other from a bar of a soap and you need to stop touching me. I’m off to work now”.
Touchy feely guy then made an awkward joke as I was walking away. The second neighbour made a face at me which I couldn’t interpret. If I see him again soon, I will ask him why he made that comment – it might have been a crazy banter joke but I saw it as a good opportunity to make my feelings known. But I suspect I am right – Mr touchy feely has been annoying more people than just me.
It’s depressing but at the ripe old age of 40, I realise that a) these men are like that and will touch anyone they can! And b) it won’t stop, will it? I used to think this would go away as I got older, but it just doesn’t. So I have to find a tactic or perhaps be more conscious so I say the first time “don’t touch me”. But honestly, I didn’t initially mind a neighbour greeting me with a squeeze of the arm or shoulder. More fool me?
I’m wondering how others handle it. What do you say and when do you say it? Do you politely say, the first time, “please don’t touch me?” I find that men like this “don’t” read obvious body language – I’m sure they can, but they don’t. So you try to shrink away and they don't register it.
any advice? Thanks.