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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Mothers identities

46 replies

Purplelisa · 07/01/2016 18:33

Hey ladies...
This is my first time posting a thread 😁
I am hoping you ladies could add to this thread with what you feel makes up your identity of being a mother.
it's a difficult one to me because sometimes I feel as if there are two identities at play... The me being a mum to three children under 6. being a busy mum who is constantly tired and striving to make sure I do my best for each of my three children individually.
Then there's the second identity where I am with out my children where I feel as I did before I had them, a lot more relaxed and care free.
With socetal pressure these days with working mums I sometimes wish I could go back to work and not feel guilty leaving my children, just so I could be just me sometimes. My husband works and I do get quite jealous that he spends his day with adult company lol.
I'm wondering if any other mums feel this way, or how they feel being a mum has contributed to changing their identity.

OP posts:
WilLiAmHerschel · 09/01/2016 14:22

I don't feel as though I have an identity. I am a mum because I have a child but I do not feel like a mother, whatever that means. I have given up my job and plan to stay home with DD for a while before returning to work or possibly back to education; I do miss having time to myself sometimes. I don't see that as an identity thing though. Of course having a child has changed me and my life in a big way, but it's also changed dp's life. Other circumstances and events have changed me and my life too, that's to be expected isn't it? Am I missing the point? I think I am but I don't really know how.

NewLife4Me · 09/01/2016 15:05

This is so interesting and I don't think I've seen as many people as I have on this thread say they don't have an identity.
I thought I was on my own Grin

We hear so much about this loss of identity that many/most women seem to talk about. You read about it in media articles too, even see it on documentaries.
Like I said upthread I do sympathise from the pov it isn't good for people to feel incomplete, or lacking something like an identity, but it's hard to understand when it isn't your mind set.
Maybe nurture or upbringing may have something to do with it, or the decisions/ choices we have made in our lives so far.

WilLiAmHerschel · 09/01/2016 15:25

I did struggle when I first gave up my job but that was because I felt like some people would look down on me. Dp's parents always go on about how women shouldn't work after children, but at the same time they (his dad mainly) make HILARIOUS jokes about his sahm dil's spending all their sons' money! Oh how we laugh!

Anyway, I wanted to go straight back to full time work to prove them wrong but decided to stay home for a few years instead as I felt that was better for dd and I put her needs above my wish to go against the pil's.

Those feelings don't feel like an identity to me though. I still don't understand the concept. Before I had dd I had worries and problems and dillemas and so on, but that's just life not an inner core of my soul (or whatever identity is).

leedy · 10/01/2016 18:07

I "get" the identity thing, I think - I was on the fence about parenthood for a long time (had my first at 37) and one of the reasons was genuinely fearing that all the stuff that makes me me would be somehow subsumed into motherhood. Like "oh, you'll forget about all that stuff when you're a mother, it won't really matter", that I'd become a completely different person, that I wouldn't feel the same about all the things I cared about.

I'm happy to say that that didn't happen at all (I'm still a [my job] and an occasional musician and a friend and a lover and all that other stuff plus a parent), but I think it partly didn't happen because DP is very much a 50/50 parent and that was something we talked about a lot before having kids. There's never been a time when the children were "my responsibility" (other than the fact that I was the only one who could breastfeed them).

GreenTomatoJam · 10/01/2016 18:43

Now I'm getting a bit confused - I took 'identity' to mean a sense of self. A personal driving force behind my choices, rather than society or other people's (children, partner, nosy neighbour, cashier at tescos, whoever's) needs. Which I certainly have - although I think until my second major breakup from a long term relationship, I don't think I had as firmly in place - I think a good heartbreak and swearing off men for a year (OK.. so there was some non-serious fun after a couple of months.. but no proper relationships) did the world of good for me and my strength of character.

and I don't think that's anything to do with going back to work or not. I love my job, it was what I was born to do, and do as a hobby if I'm not working (among many other hobbies). I think it's from just taking some time, and giving the permission to yourself to figure out what you like and who you are - NewLife seems to have that sorted, as do many others, it's just tough once you have the kids to get there, much easier if you can get it done before there are other little dependents tugging on your brain.

WilLiAmHerschel · 10/01/2016 18:51

I took 'identity' to mean a sense of self.

I don't think I have a sense of self. I mean I react to the world around me and I think I'm shaped by my experiences and circumstances. I don't know about an inner identity outside of that. I suppose there is one but if it's there I don't understand how having a child could take it away.

almondpudding · 10/01/2016 18:52

I agree with NewLife that it does exist and is a problem. It is surely connected to things like loneliness, isolation and others not valuing mothers or stereotyping them.

Tomato, I think identity means how someone wishes to present themselves to society. That can either be based on wishing to express an inner sense of self or it can be about wishing to appear how others think you should appear.

WilLiAmHerschel · 10/01/2016 21:27

So is trying to be confident or trying to look smart an identity? What if you don't consciously try to present a certain way?

leedy · 11/01/2016 12:39

"identity means how someone wishes to present themselves to society"

That's not how I'd think of it at all.

When I said I feared losing my identity on becoming a mother, I meant something a lot more fundamental - like, my sense of self, what's important to me, what I love, who I am.

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 12:43

I have 3 and so far since I had the eldest I have taken a year off together over 8 years. I couldn't not work or study as I would be really bored. I very rarely think of the children when I am at work.

HPsauciness · 11/01/2016 13:00

How do you put thinking about them to one side (apart from the practicalities of juggling childcare)?

This almost seems funny to me, this statement.

You get the best childcare you can get, so in my case, dad staying at home for some time, granny and also paid childcare- and then you delegate it to them!

For that time, those adults are in charge, not you. It's incredibly liberating to realise that, in fact, your children are fine and manage fine without your constant supervision. That doesn't stop you being immediately attentive when they get home from school/you are suddenly needed.

Also, in fairness, I work (in a demanding job) in a family friendly place, where no-one is clockwatching, so if I need to leave early to do pick-ups or drop everything in a sudden emergency, then I do so- the men do too. So, I am not forced to suppress my role as a mother in this situation (though I rarely speak about children with colleagues, only good friends).

My very unscientific survey of my friends suggests that the women that cope best in terms of identity do indeed work full-time. I don't think this is only because they have a 'work identity' (actually for a lot of women, being seen as a mum in work isn't a great thing)- it's because, having got used to having children having childcare and not being dependent on just them as carers, they then tend to do more things away from children- such as the odd night out with friends, or go away with work. They seem to retain more of the old them, somehow. I have friends who are SAHM whose husbands have literally never had all three children on their own (and profess themselves incapable of doing so)- no wonder they feel their identity seeping away, they don't get any time off!

It also changes depending how little your children are, it's all consuming being a mum when they are tiny, even if you are working I found- but once they are a bit older, everyone is their own separate people and you come together to do fun stuff, eat meals, chat about issues, not just because you are tied together like when they are tiny. This then allows you to get back more of yourself, in terms of going out, doing stuff as a couple, reading, hobbies, whatever you like to do.

I don't think it matters so much whether you work or not, but about to what extent you get some time to yourself (I imagine if you had a child with very profound special needs this would also eat up all that 'spare' time and make being you separate to that very hard) and get to do things that are important to you beyond having children.

leedy · 11/01/2016 13:03

In the absence of a Mumsnet "like" button (the horror), I am just going to agree completely with HPsauciness.

I also work in a job that's reasonably family friendly for both men and women, which is much appreciated.

Treats · 11/01/2016 13:48

Philip Larkin - for all he was an unmarried, childless man, with dubious attitudes towards women - summed it up very well in 'Afternoons'

Summer is fading:
The leaves fall in ones and twos
From trees bordering
The new recreation ground.
In the hollows of afternoons
Young mothers assemble
At swing and sandpit
Setting free their children.

Behind them, at intervals,
Stand husbands in skilled trades,
An estateful of washing,
And the albums, lettered
Our Wedding, lying
Near the television:
Before them, the wind
Is ruining their courting-places

That are still courting-places
(But the lovers are all in school),
And their children, so intent on
Finding more unripe acorns,
Expect to be taken home.
Their beauty has thickened.
Something is pushing them
To the side of their own lives.

That last line sums up a lot of how I feel about motherhood. Once the children came along, I couldn't automatically put myself first anymore. I think it's a struggle for most people to find that balance between giving their time, energy and (let's face it) money, to their children, and leaving enough in reserve to satisfy their own need for relevance in the wider world.

Amazingly, the poem was written in 1959......

absolutelynotfabulous · 11/01/2016 18:04

treats that really sums it up! I agree absolutely with you. When I'm not with or doing something for dd I'm waiting for her to come in, waiting for her to finish a class, thinking about what to feed her; thinking about what she has to wear.

It's all about her! I'm just biding time. It's like being on the sidelines of my own lifeSad.

WilLiAmHerschel · 11/01/2016 18:20

So does identity mean having time for yourself? Doing things you enjoy because you enjoy them and not always doing things for other people?

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 11/01/2016 18:25

How old is your dd absolute? Is there no way you can make time for yourself?

HPsauciness · 11/01/2016 19:54

absolutely this is just a stage, a phase, I know it feels all consuming, but in a few years, or even earlier if they go to nursery/preschool, they will be out of the house for three hours, then 7 hours and then you have to go into their rooms and beg them to come out and eat as a family or come on holiday or whatever!

I know this is hard to imagine when you have a toddler clinging to your leg!

absolutelynotfabulous · 12/01/2016 15:00

Thanks. DD is not a toddlerGrin. I actually have time to myself, and I work, after a fashion, but part time and casually. Nothing that, in my opinion, gives me a sense of "self".

I think my problem is that I used to be very heavily invested in work and took too much sense of identity from it. I didn't really have the time to develop interests or even frienships outside it. I was lost during the holidays! I didn't feel "whole" somehow.

So, without "proper", or what I see as "proper" work, I'm struggling. I've been retraining so hoping to feel a bit like the old me soon. But that feeling of worthlessness is hard to shake off..

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 12/01/2016 15:34

I think I would go back full time if I were you absolutely.

absolutelynotfabulous · 12/01/2016 15:46

Thanks curious. In between moaning on here I've just applied for a job, not quite full-time, in my "trade". Fingers crossed!

CuriousGeorgiesHat · 12/01/2016 15:57

Good luck

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