how do I empower my daughter?

[Stoneagemum]

My dd is 13, how do I encourage her to be all she can be when the odds are stacked against her?
I know that I have not presented the best role model to her, I was subservient and controlled for the duration of my relationship with her father, her step mum is in the same situation but does not acknowledge his control as being anything other than his will being her being a good wife to him.
I have suffered controlling/abusive relationships, one of which was with my dd's father.
I have had my own problems and dd has lived with her df and step mum previously but now is back 'home' full time.
How do I ensure my dd is not manipulated on her thoughts in this difficult situation

Make yourself seem really pathetic and broken, and hopefully she will rebel and become a really strong determined woman like i did, who knows the word no, and loves to use it

Have you done the freedom programme stone?
Knowledge is a good start. She's a little young for you to talk explicitly about the choices you made, but you can model good decision making from now on in. And go very, very slowly with new relationships. Let her are you being defined by your passions, work, friends, anything but a man for a little while yet. It's difficult because the best thing she can learn from you is to see you put your needs first, but she's obviously been through a lot and you need to really look after her too...
And well done for recognising this is a pattern.

Passive my issue is she has already seen me as week and compliant and over ruled. She now sees step mum in the same rule, my dd is back living with me but I know I am not as self sufficient and independent as I should be.
I need to empower my daughter to not accept what others expect of her but to be herself but school and society expect her to be a clone. I want to encourage her to be an independent woman but my experiences mean compliance is what is expected.
I do not want to teach her that she should surpress her needs for others but that is what I have done, how do I empower my dd?

I'd talk to her about boundaries and help her to recognise abuse. Seriouslyffs's suggestion of the Freedom Programme would be good for that.

Do you talk about her father and his treatment of her step mum? That might be an idea. It's one step removed from you both for a start. Put the focus on his behaviour and how what he's doing is unacceptable/not normal (age appropriately of course).

Allow her to be angry.

Be there for her when she makes mistakes.

Not specifically feminist, but, teach her logical thinking. Things like the sunk cost fallacy (where you always invest more and more after losing something, because you don't want your initial investion to be "wasted").

Should be possible to get a book on rational thinking or such.

Teach her to figure out whether someone could be lying by asking herself what he has to gain from lying to her. (I was taught this technique for estimating the value of information on Wikipedia, but it works on more or less anything)

Agree with the other posters but think of some inspiring films and books to introduce her too. I was delighted with the righteous anger by dd11 showed after seeing the suffragettes movie, I remember reading the female eunuch at about 14 and being blown away by it. Probably horribly dated but I am sure some wiser feminists can suggest some good and more topical books.

Feminist writing doesn't really get old, at the core, it's always the same problems we have to cope with, so ...

As for inspiring books, on this blog there's a thread dedicated to feminist media: gendertrender.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/feminist-media-for-pre-teen-and-tween-girls/#comments

This is more about entertainment media with added feminist value, which I suppose would be easier to get a girl to read? (I mean, I read feminist theory as teenager, but I was bookish, anyway)

That was how i saw my mum, always forgiving him, still loving him after she was Hospitalised. i thought fuck this for a game of soldiers i am not taking that crap from anyone