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Original poster

Crushing handshakes

18 replies

LookingUpAtTheStars · 06/10/2015 20:40

I was watching that Is Britain Racist on iPlayer and the female presenter was on the receiving end of a painful handshake from a man who proclaimed he was "Not racist but..."

I loved that her response was to to tell him immediately that he hurt her but his response... nothing. No sorry, no embarrassment. Told me all I needed to know about him in a few seconds though. Hmm

OP posts:
DiscoGoGo · 06/10/2015 21:10

Oh it's a certain type of bloke who does that isn't it. It's entirely deliberate, a sort of macho thing. Do they do it to men too? Do they only do it to men who are smaller than them? Do they only do it to women? I have no idea.

I had a relative who used to do this when we were kids, grip our hands and SQUEEZE and it really hurt, he found some amusement from this although he didn't show it.

Weird.

And yes why didn't he apologise? He could have just said "sorry about that don't know my own strength hahaha" and that would've been that.

m0therofdragons · 06/10/2015 21:15

Oooh I met a man who did this. It was a friend's new boyfriend. I knew instantly he was a dick. He shock my hand, held it liner than he should and crushed it. I apparently made a "Wtf face" according to my dh who was standing next to me. Dh didn't know why I was pulling the face bit apparently i didn't hide my thoughts. I told him later and he said "ah that explains your face". He asked if I wanted him to have a word with the guy. The guy was massive and looked like he was used to brawls - dh is not so I suggested he leave it. I was early 20s.if a guy did that now I would openly ask Wtf!

m0therofdragons · 06/10/2015 21:16

Ignore auto correct. Liner is longer and you can probably guess the rest

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 06/10/2015 21:20

A new bloke did that to me at work, bone crunching handshake - I swear I felt the bones move in my hand. I think he was nervous though as after I had said 'that's quite a handshake you've got there, hopefully nothing broken' with exaggerated shakes to get the feeling back and he went red Grin

The deliberate crushing handshakes are weird. Is it a contest or something? Pricks.

thedancingbear · 06/10/2015 21:25

Do they do it to men too?

'Fraid so. In fairness I think there are some people who don't know where the boundary between 'firm' and 'injurious'. There's definitely a minority who get a boner out of it though.

PlaysWellWithOthers · 06/10/2015 22:50

It's willy waving without the willy.

Men who do that to women tend to make red flags appear for me.

RufusTheReindeer · 07/10/2015 07:30

Luckily i have never had a bone crusher

I have had some men give me the limpest handshake which winds me up...i always feel that they are doing a "won't give you a proper handshake as I'm afraid of hurting the feeble little woman"

Which is probably very unfair of me as they may do it to everyone Grin

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 07/10/2015 08:21

It's entirely deliberate, a sort of macho thing. Do they do it to men too?

Yes, some idiots men see it as a way of proving their "Alpha Male" status. Trouble is, everyone now knows that it's the sign of an utter arse rather than an affirmation of their superiority.

A firm handshake - yes, nothing worse than a limp, sweaty one, but bonecrushers are telling you straight away how they're going to act in every aspect of their life!!!

MrNoseybonk · 07/10/2015 12:35

Do they do it to men too?

They definitely do.
Worst I had was a guy who looked me in the eye whilst crushing and also twisting like a mid-air arm wrestle, with a half smirk on his face.
I deninitely did the wtf face.
I think they use it in the alpha male way, to assert authority and also to judge what kind of a person you are, but it also tells me exactly what kind of a person they are.
Interesting to read they do it to women too.

BartholinsSister · 07/10/2015 15:05

It's probably related in some way to the 'death grip' that I read about on MN sometimes.

grimbletart · 07/10/2015 15:06

I have arthritis in my right hand. A while back I had a bone crusher shake my hand. It was not just painful, it was agonising - so bad I yelled "shit", bent over double just holding my hand against me nursing it with the other hand.

My action was instinctive, not done to make him feel bad and he kept saying "sorry, sorry, your hands don't look as if they have arthritis" when I told him Hmm. It's true they don't look particularly knobbly so you wouldn't tell by glancing but why would anyone use their hand as if it is a vice? It's not like I am some burly rugby player they were trying to impress.

Bet he doesn't do that again in a hurry Grin

hackedoffnow · 07/10/2015 15:08

But what does the opposite mean? When they deliberately go limp when you go in with a firm but gentle shake. Now those are the ones to watch surely. Grin I still remember that shake to this day cold, limp and like death.

kelpeed · 08/10/2015 02:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FinallyHere · 08/10/2015 04:08

Not answers from me.

Is it any help to know that the closer you can get the on your hand to in their hand, the less they can crush your hand. Not really useful unless you know they tend to crush, hope it helps someone else, as well as me.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 08/10/2015 04:20

I think men hear about how much everyone hates limp handshakes and how they make the shaker seem weak, wet and woolly, and they are so frightened of being thought as such that they make a very conscious effort to shake firmly - sometimes a bit too firmly. I don't think it's necessarily a deliberate attempt to hurt or intimidate, just a deliberate (but poorly judged) attempt to shake firmly.

I'm sure there are a few idiots who deliberately go in for the painful crush with a fixed smile on their face because some people are just bullies, but I doubt it's a very common thing.

winchester1 · 08/10/2015 05:00

I find its hard to judge and of you go in with a weaker polite handshake they can end up crushing you and vice versa. I think you can tell though if its an on purpose crushing shake though. I tend to just pull my hand away even if it looks weird.

FreshwaterSelkie · 08/10/2015 07:19

I'd take the bonecrusher any day over the one I had last week. Much older man, we were introduced at a social function and when we shook hands, he wouldn't bloody let go. He kept hold of my hand for aaaaaaages, it was awful, I was cringing myself inside out. I assume it was about that privilege that some older men assume they have with much younger women, that it's OK to cling on to the hands of young women you don't know, smarm all over us and bray about what lovely young fillies we are, that we won't be offended because OBVS they're only having a bit of fun.

Why can I not just say "let go of my hand please?". Why? Because it's socially awkward? Well, so is standing there while some old perv slobbers all over you and makes your hand sweaty. Is it possible to get out of this without it kicking off, or do I just have to unlearn my social conditioning (we respect our elders and we don't cause a fuss), demand to be released and face out the awkwardness? Why is it so hard?

MistressChalk · 08/10/2015 08:13

I did a sport when I was younger which was very male dominated (at the time, not so much now thankfully) and in my teens noticed that after competitions I'd get bone crushing handshakes from not only my fellow competitors but also from judges. I asked my dad why men shook hands so hard, he was honest and told me it was a sore loser thing because I was a girl. Even if I didn't win a competition but beat lots of other boys, it was a subtle way of showing me they were stronger.

So he made me shake hands with him every time I got in from school for a few weeks until I'd perfected my own handcrusher Grin strictly for use at competitions of course.

Every now and then through work I meet a man who is high up in an industry or considers himself a VIP and needs to squeeze a few bones to let a woman know he's boss. They get a nasty surprise if they try it with me.

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