over-sexualisation of (western?) society a large part of the reason for female oppression?

[rogueantimatter]

I have read very little feminist literature! So I accept that I am ignorant compared to many well-read posters on this board. I'd love to hear your opinions of my impression/home-spun theory.

It seems that western societies have more male/female equality than in other societies; eg, suffrage, job opportunities etc (I know we still have a way to go) But in other respects women are respected less? What I mean is, women are judged more on their appearance and expected to spend a ridiculously huge amount of time on making themselves fit the perceived model of sexual attractiveness and availability to men.

Now we're in a huge muddle - women are expected to (appear to) be sexually available, but men seem to be frightened of women's sexuality and slam women for 'dressing sluttily,' 'asking for it', make misogynistic porn etc. And the very reason for attracting a mate (from a biological perspective): having babies, though arguably fetishized - look at the pressures to be a perfect parent giving children a perfect childhood - is undervalued. New mums are isolated as never before - left to get on with it by themselves yet still expected to look good and work too!

I realise this is simplistic, but more and more I wonder if the solution to harmful attitudes to women is to massively reduce the cultural over-emphasis on sex. How we'd do this I don't know; clothes, perfume, beauty products/treatments, glamorous cars/drinks, attractive (frequently pornographic) pop stars are exploited for commercial gain. A huge force to counter. How we'd reduce the availability of porn I don't know either.

If we worked to promote qualities other than sexual attractiveness we'd all benefit surely. (also elderly people - no longer seen as wise, now seen as knowing nothing relevant due to being old and 'past it').

I know that many feminists work hard to reduce the perception of women-as-sex-objects, eg NMP3 (I bought and wear the t-shirt). But how can we encourage reproduction and child-rearing (for want of a better expression) to be more valued? And for women to be respected as individual people with valuable skills and qualities in the same way that men are, regardless of the ability to reproduce in a positive way? IYSWIM. Rather than being perceived to be attacking cultural norms to promote alternative values.

Do you think I'm right that over-sexualisation is now responsible for the male/female unfairness in our 'society'?

I agree, conformity is an important factor here. I am reluctant to take the "fragile male egos" line (of course I know there are people like that, some of them currently decorating the walls of my trophy room. But I digress...), because to a certain degree we all collude in conforming to and maintaining the status quo. Obviously, if the status quo is heavily weighted in your favour, then you will probably be more invested in defending it. But we all love conformity. It helps us reduce the complexity of our lives and makes it easier to make judgements and decisions. Which may well be why many women do that too.

"Why do they think it's all about them?" - Well, I think most of us would like to think it's all about us. (Or is it just me?) The difference is that mainstream culture tells men that it actually is all about them (try applying the Bechdel test to some of your favourite television series for an idea of how bizarrely skewed the "normal" worldview is!). And of course, if you constantly receive the same strong cultural message that every woman on earth is intensely interested in your needs and desires and that turns out not to be the case...well, that's disappointing, isn't it? And some men would seem to be very very bad at coping with disappointment.

I've got to go out now, but I'd love to come back to your points about childrearing, division of labour etc later on.

Conformity is important.
Compliancy too.
In any opressive social system you are rewarded for being compliant. Rewarded with social approval and materialist gains, but never autonomy, real power or freedom because this belongs to those who set the terms.

Women who are extremely patriarch compliant (eg wearing hijab or working in sex services) may even convince themselves that they are empowered, but they are not powerful in a true way.

There is a considerable amount of porn being made featuring women wearing Islamic dress, including full burkhas. I don't know if it is supposed to satisfy the Arabic porn market, or whether it is some kind of fetish among some western porn users.

It's definitely a money grabbing fetish.

Muslim women take their veils off as soon as they're inside, and don't wear them for sex.

Arabic men (generally) (seem to) prefer the dirty-white available girl stereotype.

have you seen the reports and pictures of muslim widows in full cover up forced to troll for sex money along highways in ME?

"the idea that women have sexual agency, focus on female orgasm, challenges to the shame-culture around sex before marriage, etc.)"

These things can be negative for some women e.g. the assumption that sex will happen on the first or second date or the hookup culture of Tinder. Pressure being put on women to have orgasms all the time as a validation of the man's ego rather than as something that is beneficial for the woman herself.