Children sexually assaulting other children in previous years at our new kindergarten.

[MilchandCookies]

My DD (3) started kindergarten last week. So far she loves it and has had no real issues. She is in a mixed age group, so children from 3 to 6. (We're in Germany.)

Yesterday a friend told me that when her eldest DD (now 8) was there, there was a seemingly ongoing problem of the older ones taking the younger ones off out of sight and assaulting them. I'm not sure I should say what was done in case it's triggering. She told me this in a very matter-of-fact way, and sort of shrugged when I asked what the kindergarten did about it. The DC crowded us at that point and I didn't have a chance to ask more about it.

I feel like I need to raise this with DD's kindergarten teacher. I want to find out how often the children are left unsupervised (if ever -- I certainly hadn't got the impression they were). I also want to know what safeguards are in place so that this type of thing can't happen again.

What else should I be asking about? I am absolutely horrified that it happened and terrified for my DD, but I don't want to completely overreact.

Before she started, I had had a conversation with DD about no games with no clothes on, and that she could tell her teacher or me about any children making her unhappy or uncomfortable. I honestly thought that was an overreaction on my part, and I was worried I was going to unnecessarily worry her, so I have tried to play it very cool.

Is there anything else I can do in the immediate term to protect her (and DS when he starts in 18 months)? What about longer term? I hope it's ok I've posted this here. The advice and views of the posters here always seems far more balanced and sensible than on the other boards ...

You've got to wonder about an adult using a story about serious child sex abuse to make some kind of point (I assume) about how all feminists think men are evil and should be put in prison if they talk to women.

Oh hold on, is it that poster the other day who got banned on a thread about street harassment? If he can't see the different between penetrating a 3yo and 2 children sitting next to each other then that sounds about right.

Oh, on the supervision thing, I definitely wouldn't expect a 6yo to be closely supervised all the time and not a 3yo either TBH. A vague eye yes but I would expect them to be playing with the other children without someone breathing down their neck IYSWIM. Just sensible I guess? DD is 6 and going into year 2 they definitely have been having time where the supervision is not close in the playground etc and I'm fine with that.

I agree, whirlpool. Disturbing. Even someone with the strongest agenda you would think would have a bit of decency and know when it's not appropriate.

Oh he's GAWN

I reported him I expect others did too. Poor old MNHQ have got a lot on their plates at the moment.

I think it was burke.

I missed the derail. Thanks for getting rid.

Yes, Bertie, that's spot on: the German attitude towards kids is generally far more relaxed than I think is normal in the UK. (I can't say for certain as I've been here for years.)

I have problems with how relaxed some people are with their children, but find myself outnumbered frequently, so I end up thinking I am overreacting. I have my own history of being sexually assaulted and a lack of trust in my own judgement to contend with as well, which doesn't help.

The six-year-olds all buddy up with the littler ones for lots of activities -- teeth cleaning, putting on coats/shoes/rain gear, holding hands going for walks. I was delighted on our taster day, as DD was paired up with a girl from our village that we knew, and she had such a brilliant time being helped by a "big girl". Now I am (unreasonably) panicking that this is not so good, even though I take on board the comments about how rare these incidents must be.

Repressing panic attack at thought of DD taking bus to school alone age six

I have an appointment with the head tomorrow afternoon. When I asked for the appt, she already knew what it was about (I assume the teacher told her), and reassured me there was nothing to worry about. She seemed quite warm and genuine, so I hope it's a positive meeting.

PS Thanks for the Pants rule, TheyGot. I've just read through it properly and it builds on some of the concepts we already put into practice with our DC. No means no, their bodies belong to them, etc. I like the way it's set out and its mnemonic.

Unfortunately I'm not surprised that this occurred in a kindy in Germany.

The child protection there is woeful. I've heard awful stories and it seems to be totally accepted and everyone just shrugs and says "what can you do"?

It's part of the reason I wouldn't out my child in the German system when we were there. I knew at least one school didn't have any child protection policy at all.

Ok, I'm going to have to google what should be in a child protection policy ...

Well at the very least I would want to know:

What is regarded as a concern? What should staff be reporting?
Who do they report it to?
What is then done with the information?
How is privacy protected where necessary?
what measures are put in place to ensure safety? (I've heard about 3 year olds in kindy wandering out into the street and trying to walk home)
How are concerns monitored?
How are children monitored?

For a start.....

That's very helpful, pretend. Thank you. I will work on some more questions tonight.