What shouldn't men say to women about gender issues?

[QuiteIrregular]

I was wondering if people would mind giving me a quick insight into a question I've had conversations about with friends recently: what are the infuriating things men who think they "get" feminism say to women? Not the straight-out anti-feminist "women have no problems in the West" or "feminism is sexist against men", but the stuff that comes from thinking they understand, but haven't really?

I put a post on my blog about this, suggesting these as a starting list I'd heard female friends complain about:

"I find strong women really attractive"
"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."
Feminism is so great, but it would appeal to more people if it focused more on real equality, not just on what women want. Then it would really take off globally."
"That might have sounded sexist, but actually I’m a feminist."

People have also suggested "Are you sure he meant it like that?", "Wow, how inappropriate! I would never do thing like that!" Are there similar or equivalent things from your experience?

Oh dear, did you not get given enough homework to keep you occupied over the long weekend?

Many thanks for all the comments - much appreciated, and (as ever on here!) thought-provoking.

"I think we basically think the same thing/are on the same side..." then go on to say something that shows we are actually poles apart.

I just don't know what's expected of men nowadays........

You want equality- but you still expect men to pay....

I held a door open for woman yesterday and she was furious with me.......

"The 1 in 4 women is just a made up statistic though - I don't know anyone who's been raped"

Uh yeah, because they're just lining up to tell you about it, what with your fantastic sense of empathy.

Oh dear, I've been guilty of so many of these in the past. The shame.

Maybe it would be better for a thread to about what we should say to women about gender issues?!

Actually scratch that, it's probably better to just listen. I tried to explain to my Niece (10 yrs) why I wouldn't call myself a Feminist. It all made perfect sense when reading about it on here and other websites, but when a man tries to explain to a woman/girl about Feminist thinking I just ended up thinking "I'm mansplaining RadFem ideas and theories to a woman through a man shaped lens". Gave up in the end and asked her to speak to someone with experience of what I was trying to explain.

Forgot to say, those with experience = women. Fortunately I think her Mum is far more erudite and has the benefit of living it.

I think you are allowed to discuss ideas with a 10 year old relative, Keep . She's hardly going to be able to articulate her career progression difficulties post-pregnancy is she! I talk to my teenage daughter about issues I see on here.

Being told my anger at men\the patriarchy was just jealousy. So, fully aware that they have it good, but when this makes women angry they sneer and toss words like jealous and bitter about.

I realise now where my previous thoughts wrt to how men depersonalise women to sex objects by countering it with thinking along the lines that that is someones mother/sister/daughter etc but realise thats also falling into the same trap.

NAMALT!

"Why does it have to be called feminism? Why not just equality?"

Because many men think we have equality already.

I realise now where my previous thoughts wrt to how men depersonalise women to sex objects

Hi BD77 - I was going to go back on the thread to read them - but they must be on other threads. could you direct me ? Ta.