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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Does being a feminist influence who you are friends with?

41 replies

Jackieharris · 01/05/2015 08:06

This came to mind after a comment on Hakulet's AIBU thread.

Since becoming a feminist I just don't have friends who are married mothers.

I never though of this before.

My friends are mostly lesbians or single mums or both.

I do have some single friends but they aren't in the 'desperate to find a man' brigade.

Anyone else noticed this? Is my feminism frightening them off?!

I'm not rude so wouldn't actually be critical of how some women live their lives but maybe my disapproval still shows through hmm thinking of fb now.

OP posts:
rosy71 · 01/05/2015 20:19

Are you a married mother? If not, perhaps you're more likely to be friends with single women/mums because you have that in common?

rosabud · 01/05/2015 20:50

Despite being a feminist all my life the rather strange answer to this question is, no. Well, not as far as women are concerned. I can think of very few women whom I have actually disliked in my life, most I have been able to have at least a pleasant passing acquaintance with because, well, women are so absolutely fascinating and interesting, I think. On the married mothers thing, although I am not in that category anymore, the best friendships of my life were made at the time when I was a married mother and met others in a similar situation. Many of those women did not share my views politically but our shared experiences, at what can often be an isolating time of a woman's life, meant that they became and remain very important to me.

On the other hand, men who do not get feminism - I have been spectacularly brilliant at alienating at them, ah well, never mind. Smile Wine

Original poster
Jackieharris · 01/05/2015 22:55

I've reread my OP and dont see how posters are interpreting that as me saying married mothers can't be feminists Confused that's certainly not what I meant.

What I was thinking of is do married mothers see me as a scary man hating feminist stereotype and keep their distance.

I did used to have a few married feminist mothers I was friends with but they all left their husbands! (im not kidding) I'm the only one still with my DP from that group.

I do actually have a new friend who's a married mum and a feminist. Her dh is quite feminist-friendly so I suppose that helps.

I don't have any male friends. Never did.

One friend in particular got married and became all stepfordy. We have drifted apart.

I don't know I'd just never thought of connecting my friendship patterns to my feminism before.

OP posts:
FeijoaSundae · 02/05/2015 01:48

But why would married mothers see you as a scary man-hating feminist, unless you think they can't be a feminist?

It's just an odd correlation. Especially given that this site is Mumsnet - a site for mothers, many of whom are married, and many, many, many of whom identify as feminist.

Anyway! It obviously isn't what you meant, so all good. :)

As an aside, I've always identified as feminist as I said up thread, but it was actually becoming a wife and mother that really crystallized for me how unequal men's and women's lives actually are in reality, and I say that as someone married to a man who lifts his weight.

Gralick · 02/05/2015 02:10

It's too late to read the thread properly. I'll come back because there are quite a few points I find interesting.

In answer to your title question: it influences who chooses to be friends with me more than vice versa, I think. I don't keep my opinions to myself (you noticed?!) therefore I piss a lot of people off, either because they don't like my views or don't like me standing up for them. Suits me.

I used to say I don't get on with 'girly' women but that was a clumsy statement. I'm not very interested in women - or men - whose enthusiasms are stereotyped by gender.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 02/05/2015 09:07

The majority of my friends are feminists or allies. Or generally decent people who just don't know much about feminism but follow it in a roundabout way.

I think I probably put some people off when I don my Humourless Radical Feminist hat, as a lot of friends are definitely more 'choice' feminists. But over the past couple of years I think I've also brought a few over to the dark side too.

Takver · 02/05/2015 09:23

I'm a feminist, lots of my friends are married mothers! Actually, lots of my friends are mothers, full stop. Possibly something to do with being a 45 year old woman, rather than anything else . . .

In a sense, I could say being a feminist doesn't affect my friendship choices, but I suspect the fact that I'm a hippy leftie extremely political anarchist feminist possibly influences the people I meet, and therefore my potential friendship group Grin

TheLily1957 · 02/05/2015 11:16

Takver
What you said!

Trills · 02/05/2015 11:20

It affects which individuals I am friends with, but not what categories of people.

AskBasil · 02/05/2015 11:56

Well it must do in the same way as being a lefty does, or a mother does, or geographical proximity does.

mipogaxx · 02/05/2015 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YonicScrewdriver · 02/05/2015 17:27

Welcome to FWR, mipogaxx. Yes, it is nice to have a choice of potential friends. I think that's true for most people, though.

LurcioAgain · 02/05/2015 17:33

I somehow doubt mipogaxx has many, however. I have reported him for trolling on the basis of his comment on the humanitarian aid workers thread. Hopefully he won't be with us for long.

LurcioAgain · 02/05/2015 17:33

Wow! Cross posted with the deletion message. MN towers are on top form today!

YonicScrewdriver · 02/05/2015 17:35

PBP, at a guess...

nigellaUKIP1972 · 02/05/2015 18:16

Feminism is many fun

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