Does things like this matter?

[BallsforEarrings]

Am I overthinking this - it's annoyed me kind of disproportionately and I do have other real serious issues to worry about in my life so tell me if this should be on my mind at all?

Was in the car working in a team of three, one guy (my DH) two women including myself and my employee.

Husband pulled over at petrol station and got petrol, myself and employee went into shop to pay and also got drinks for us all and ice lollies (so we had the sum total of a couple of bottles of water, some pop, and two lollies to pay for plus the petrol.

When we got to the counter to join queue we just pipped a man to the post and my employee apologised politely (even though we were there first) he said this:

"You shouldn't be doing your shopping here, there's Tesco for that!"

Employee nodded smiled politely and said "Yes, yes and Morrisons" we carried on waiting and then he said "and I bet you've blocked us all in" she said "Pardon?" and he said "You pull up to get your shopping and block the rest of us in when we come for our fuel!" (he meant 'women' do this) so I said loudly "No don't worry, HE'S still parked up at the pump!" and then I paid for our petrol and drinks.

The whole conversation was irritating but we humoured the old git and as we
walked away I said to my employee "How sexist was he?" my employee (who is lesbian btw if it bears any relevance) just said "Oh yeah but you just have to politely agree and nod along with those types!"

That was that - not much to it I know but the whole thing is bugging me now! Like why do we not open our mouths as women when a man can only believe that all we had to do all day was get our 'shopping' from a petrol station when Tesco is round the corner just because we had picked up drinks and lollies at the same time, even though we were in work uniforms and buying petrol!

Would he have considered our drinks to be 'shopping' if my DH had gone in and not me? Does it even matter much what he thinks? My colleague wasn't bothered much so is it just me?

Should I just be glad he isn't my husband and we'll never see him again!!

I think it's just the attitude it reflects of certain men of a certain age that rankles, and the fact that he didn't see anything at all rude or wrong in SAYING these things to diminish us OUT LOUD and yet we did nothing to make him feel he couldn't again!

Of course, I now notice the title should read 'DO things like this matter?' not 'Does'

Or of course it could also say 'Does a thing like this matter?'

Apologies to all who's eyes are burning!

WHOSE eyes, please!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

It would have been nice to have given a snappy comeback, but I don't suppose there was a lot of point pulling the gentleman up on his unwarranted assumptions. The ignorant are always with us and some revel in it. He wouldn't have learned anything. He'd have just added "uppity" to his mental list of your crimes.

Interested to know why he thought the shop sold refreshments if you weren't supposed to buy any.

I sympathise, OP - I don't get "esprit d'escalier" so much as "esprit de one tube stop away from home and still have to be physically restrained from going back". I'm told "bless your heart" is popular as a default comeback, but I don't personally know anyone who's ever tried it and probably wouldn't believe them anyway...

To demonstrate my point: "no, Tescos is where I get my rude bastard repellent - doesn't seem to be working, though..."

"You shouldn't be doing your shopping here, there's Tesco for that!"

Employee should have said "we're getting petrol too", end of incident.
Sounds like he was a bit of a tool though.

He was an arse, you can't reason with or educate arses like him.

'Old git' or elderly man?

In this context, old git, definitely. Surprised you need to ask.

Feminism does not give anyone an excuse to describe an elderly man as an old git.

We don't need excuses to describe a rude old git as a rude old git.

Pot calling kettle black etc.

OK, he was being a cunt - better?

Why are you so desperate to turn this back on the OP?

I think stuff like this matters not because in themselves they matter, but because they demonstrate the sense of entitlement so many men have.

He wouldn't have told another man, that that man couldn't pick up other shopping at the same time as petrol. He wouldn't have tried to pick a fight with another man.

He said these things because he is a man and you are a woman and he feels entitled to.

FWIW I quite often pop into a local garage near me for milk if I don't want to go to the supermarket. If the garage didn't want to sell me it, they wouldn't stock it.

IKnow: Yes, I agree that the man was out of order, but describing someone as an old git is not taking the moral high ground.

Op doesn't want him making sexist comments and she shouldn't be making ageist comments.
It seems that Feminism trumps Ageism.

If I rightly understand your argument, then, I do think you have a point. He should have been described merely as a git. "Old" is using something he can't help as an insult, whereas "git" refers to the behaviour.

paxtecum: I am an old person. Ageism angers me as it seems to be the last allowable 'ism'. I rail against it on threads in AIBU when so-called greedy pensioners seem to be a favourite target of many posters. However, were I to make a remark like the man in the petrol station I would thoroughly deserve to be called an old git because I would have shown myself to be rude, ignorant and sexist i.e. a git and 'old' is merely a fact.

He was lucky that his targets were more polite than he was and more polite than he deserved.

Well for what it's worth I take people as I find them and in this case i found the guy to be an old git!

Most elderly gentlemen are just that (and lovely with it in the main) but this one was an old git for sure! If I went round being rude to members of the public I would expect to be called some choice names too.

I like most people by default until they go out of their way to prove themselves really unlikable, myself and this guy could NEVER be friends but I would not wish to be rude to his face as he did to us and in that sense I do take the moral high ground! I definitely don't want to take the moral high ground any higher than that! We only have to answer to ourselves as to our position on such things and I'm as clear about mine! No right or wrong in my book unless harming another person or making them feel uncomfortable when they should be free to do what they are doing in peace.

If anyone finds me being rude to others going about their business I shall expect and embrace being called a middle aged git as I would rightly deserve the title!

Oh dear just read that back (not great at posting am I )

When I said most elderly gentlemen are just that I MEANT elderly and gentlemen NOT old gits (just to be clear before someone goes nuclear!)

Thanks for all replies!

On reflection I do feel these things are of some significance because if we have to apologise for the mere fact of getting drinks for ourselves at a petrol station which hopes to sell these, where will it end?

How much apologising should one do for one's own existence and activities? Men would never have to consider apologising for their movements and nor should they! We should not either! Attitudes are pervasive and undermine our self worth in so many little ways we need to acknowledge it is unacceptable or we'll start to believe ourselves that we are in the way and a nuisance.

I don't want to be undermined by strangers whilst going about my business.

I think this is why it was bugging me so much!

I have found a useful default phrase for this sort of occasion is "Thank you for sharing that fascinating opinion."

pocketsaviour that works for me!