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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Help! Mean mummies!

36 replies

IAmBumblebee · 10/04/2015 00:36

Not sure where to post this - it definitely feels like a 'feminist' issue...

Just got back from my friend's house having a long (very teary) chat with her. Apparently she's been having ongoing problems with some 'mean mummies' at her dd's (primary) school.

Another 'Playground Politics' thing.

This is the first I've really seen how much it's affected her - she said she didn't want to mention it because it seems like such a trivial thing - "what's five minutes at the school gate?" - but it's five minutes, five days a week, every school week for almost a year... and it's torn a little piece of her away every time. Angry

The 'clique' mommies huddle together, leave my friend out, snub her when she approaches them, make her feel inadequate etc. My friend is such a wonderful, kind, loving person. I can't imagine why anyone would treat anyone like this, let alone a woman who is as amazing as my friend.

I didn't know what advice to give her, other than that she always had my shoulder to cry on.... I just feel so helpless!! Sad

Has anyone else had any experience of this? And if so, what did you do about it??

Please help!

OP posts:
PuffinsAreFictitious · 11/04/2015 05:15

Bumblebee... Sadly, the feminism forum attracts a certain type of idiot. I'm really sorry this one came and dribbled all over your thread. I have no clue why they do it, probably because they are deeply inadequate in real life and choose to troll here as an outlet for all the spite and bile they have no outlet for elsewhere. But mostly because they are knobheads.

Crossfitmyarse · 11/04/2015 05:25

Kerala I agree that no-one should be obliged to be friends with anyone, and if you happen to be the person feeling left out then that's sad but it's not necessarily the fault of anyone else.

But in this case it sounds as if there is some sort of orchestrated campaign of nastiness which I must say is very unusual in grown adults, unless there is some sort of backstory….

Original poster
IAmBumblebee · 11/04/2015 16:53

No backstory as far as I'm aware. I would totally understand if there had been some sort of argument (even a tiny one - I've seen some ridiculous disagreements escalate) but I don't think that's the case. My friend would know to rise above it/ try and make amends if there had been a specific altercation.

I guess the best advice I can give my friend is just to keep being polite (as SethRogenMovie suggested) ignore them, get on with it and then blow of some steam when we have our get togethers. I can be a shoulder to cry on but I can't stop random, unwarranted nastiness!

Puffins - Confused I know 'trolls' exist but I just don't understand why they would target a site like this one... Why not just wind people up in the comments section on The Daily Mail website?! Wink

Thanks for the advice. x

OP posts:
EmpressOfJurisfiction · 11/04/2015 16:58

Bumblebee, probably because they agree with the comments section on the Daily Fail website.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 11/04/2015 17:56

I generally just keep to myself, that's not very helpful I realise. I don't try anymore, just pick up and leave

AskBasil · 11/04/2015 22:21

Tell her to take a book or mobile phone with her and busy herself with that.

If these ppl are targeting her deliberately, it'll piss them off that she's not bothered by it.

Original poster
IAmBumblebee · 11/04/2015 23:52

Empress - Daily Fail. Love it.

Maybe I should advise my friend to wear a t-shirt with a slogan printed on like: 'What the EFF are you looking at??!! I'm here to pick up my child, not join in with your childish games. Get. A. Life.' Hmm. The Head might not appreciate it though - don't want to get her kid in trouble!!

I suppose there really isn't anything she can do to stop it. I always thought the 'ignore the bully' advice was a bit empty but it's the only thing you do can do... rise above it. Let it go (a la Elsa).

Thanks all. x

OP posts:
Spell99 · 16/04/2015 13:49

I saw something similar on my school run but it was because the child was causing problems, so they were projecting onto the parent. You have said nothing that would indicate this but ill pose it as a question.

Original poster
IAmBumblebee · 20/04/2015 16:52

That's an interesting point Spell... there might be an issue that my friend isn't even be aware of. Her child is very well behaved, but that doesn't mean there might not be some sort of friendship/ social issue. Hmm. Good insight.

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 21/04/2015 07:21

The bitchy/cliqueness between some women is a feminist issue.

Some schools of though say that we are socialised by patriarchy to compete against each other rather than co operate with each other.

Jinglebells99 · 21/04/2015 09:45

The thing is in any playground, there will be groups of parents who have known each other for years, and are generally friends and just want to have a chat and just won't see themselves as excluding anyone?! I did school pick up for about nine years in a large primary in a small town. I always had someone to chat to, and wouldn't particularly notice anyone new. I always stood in the same place and chatted to the same parents of the kids in my children's classes. I wouldn't delibrately ignore anyone but wouldn't need to seek someone to talk to, it just happened naturally. My dd had a best friend and wanted to invite her out for the day. Her mum always stood alone and seemed aloof so I was initially a bit wary of asking her, but when I approached her, she was actually really nice. And after that, I started chatting to her too, but previously I had no reason to approach her.

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