Anyone has experience of dealing with inappropriate behaviour and comments from colleagues?

[Wellthen]

Just posting for general support really and as a cathartic release. I have spoken to someone in real life about it as well and did feel much better. But I just want to get my feelings down in words.

I recently went out for some drinks with colleagues and one colleague said and did some inappropriate things. Honestly, I feel that I have been sexually harassed.

To give context, the man is my age, we work closely, get on well and have known each other for nearly 3 years. He has been flirty previously but only ever after a drink - he has never been inappropriate at work. Quite the opposite actually, I assumed he thought of me as 'one of the guys'. We have a brotherly, sisterly relationship and take the Mick a lot.

I don't want to drip feed but equally if I write out the evening it'll be huge! Basically, in the midst of what was ultimately a great night out with friends, he made reference to my breasts being too small, tried to lift my top up and again said 'too small' and at the end of the night put his arm around my shoulders and said 'we should just have sex you and me'

Context again: yes he can be sexist but ultimately this behaviour is out of character. I'm making him sound like a prize dickhead which... well, now I agree with you! But didn't until that night, I liked him. (as a friend, obviously)

When he said that i'll admit I felt a little frightened and was disgusted. I'm not suggesting he would try to over power me but I do think if we were alone he would have made a move - this would be something of a disaster as we see each other every day, I am married and we work with his girlfriend! A lot of people would have been upset. I was also left with a feeling of 'so you say nasty things, make me feel shit and then want to sleep with me? What?!'

So, my reasons for posting:
This has really been playing on my mind - as time passes I think 'oh he was drunk. Its fine, these things happen' and another voice says 'so why are you still thinking about it?'

I'm shocked at my strength of feeling. It made me feel disgusted with myself, I didn't want my partner to touch me. I felt like a prostitute, as if he didn't value me other than as meat. It made me realise how he really sees women - you are my colleague, my mother, my sister or someone to have sex with. In that moment I only existed as a sexual object. I couldn't believe he could be so unkind and crass with one breath and with another start coming on to me! I felt terrible about myself.

What if he doesn't understand? My plan is to discuss this with him when I next see him. I think he will be horrified and embarrassed and wont remember much of what happened. But what if that isn't the case? Or what if he apologises and is suitably sorry but then doesn't change his behaviour? Can I ever go out or be alone with him again?

How do I get across to him how I feel without sounding melodramatic? He didn't touch me sexually or try to kiss me and yet I do feel violated.

I guess I'm asking if I'm over reacting and if anyone else has experienced something like this. Its not sexual assault but it feels terrible.

I think he is more focused on the colleague side and thinks 'i shouldn't have said stuff about her boobs because she's a colleague' rather than because its a shitty thing to do!

This may sound like I'm defending him ,which I'm certainly not, but I did think it was sort of sweet that he doesn't get why I would have an issue with the size of my breasts. His current and previous girlfriends have very similar figures to me and I genuinely think it doesn't occur to him. He saw that comment as teasing and banter (in the same way guys make comments about penis size or height), not realising the loadedness of what he said. That does NOT make it ok but it can't really be said that he intended to be nasty.

I did try to express to him that I felt like he'd picked specific on something to upset me but its a difficult conversation to have at work! I didn't really want to go in to any detail about my personal feelings about my body.

What I'm saying is I think the comment was less premeditated than I thought. He didn't think 'i'll comment on her breasts because I do/don't like them' - he just decided to take the piss and chose a terrible topic.

But yes, he did also touch me and tell me he wanted to have sex so, its certainly still a serious situation.

I feel ok. I'm fine around him but I think we're both aware of a slight tension. This may sound weird but I think this is a good thing. I'm certainly much much calmer than two weeks ago and don't feel disgusted any more.

If it's ever OK to drink to the point where you don't remember what you did afterwards, it's certainly worse to do it with co-workers. You can put this down to human frailty and immaturity, but it's a chance to tell him that it can't happen again, and if he has any sense in his head, he'll never do it again with any woman. "Do your courting sober."