Views on working/staying at home

[Lucysaysno]

I am WOHM considering my options at the moment. I am a senior exec as is DH. However my job entails long hours 5 days per week (9 hours in office, commute, 4 hours at home after DS has gone down to bed). We have good support in terms of a cleaner but no family nearby. There is no part time option or flexible working arrangement in my line of work so that's not going to be a runner. I am utterly frustrated at never seeing my DS and missing out on time with him. I'm also completely and absolutely exhausted all the time. I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I am in my career but I do not enjoy my job. I have great colleagues but the work itself leaves me cold and what has kept me at it for so long has been (a) the thrill of the chase in terms of being promoted which has worn off now that I'm at a senior level and (b) the financial necessity which no longer exists because of DHs career progression.

I'm disinclined to move to a more junior less demanding role as I would still miss out on my son to the same extent though I probably wouldn't have to do the exhausting evening work from home. Clearly part time work would be ideal but that is absolutely unavailable in my line if work.

I'm seriously considering taking some time out of working outside the home and being a SAHM. The only thing holding me back is my ideological difficulty with relying on my lovely DH for money....

Any views? Experiences?

Hi Bobby
Thanks - some good food for thought. It's so hard as I feel like I'm on the edge of burnout ATM and am quite disillusioned with the working world in general but I will give some thought to the longer term implications of what I decide to do...

I completely understand about burnout and the fact you want to escape. It's not healthy to stay in a job you don't like and you absolutely should leave if that's the case. But there are actually a host of things you could do - a post-graduate degree, train as a teacher, move to another job, discuss with your current employer whether there are other opportunities you could pursue (it's not as though you have anything to lose if you're just going to quit anyway). Do the 'where will I be in five years' time' thought experiment, that's always a good thing to do.

DH and I both had good corporate jobs, earning broadly equal amounts when I went on 1st mat leave. His career then took off due to him being in a niche suddenly in demand area so he started earning more than me.

After DC2 I took the opportunity of redundancy (I was offered a promotion with more travel and management responsibility which was just too much with DHs career also flying)

I now have DC3 and do freelance consulting for my old company. I earn more than twice my day rate when I was an employee. I work mainly from home around the DCs and just do a couple of projects per year. The rest of the time (about 9 months) I am a SAHM. I earn almost half of what I did, but only work 1/4 of the time.

DH and I have always scared everything so there are no money concerns.

If you are confident in your relationship, step off the treadmill but keep your options open and keep up with old colleagues. You may find there are more opportunities to keep your career going than you realise.

Oh and being a SAHM, but with a bit of a career, is awesome. My DH earns more and has a more stellar career but I wouldn't swap with him.

Before jacking in work altogether I'd want to explore part time work/changing company to one that is closer or less demanding/taking a sabbatical (how old is your DS, you are entitled to take a certain amount of unpaid time off if he's under 5, but your company might have other schemes as well).

Would your DH consider any of the options above as well? I say this because my favourite day of the week is the day DH has at home with the kids. It makes my day at work easier (because I don't need to rush ou the door at a certain time) and there is always a cooked meal waiting for me when I get home which is unbelievably fabulous. Having that support at home (even one day a week) makes things much easier to deal with the other days.

I do think sometimes women take it on themselves to be make all the changes when there is a situation that isn't working for them when it might be better to sit down as a couple and work out together what you could BOTH do to change. Both of you making little changes might be as effective as one of you making a big change.

Bluelamp, I was also wondering how the OP would feel if their DC were being cared for by DH? Has DH also considered p/t work and time with DS too? Is he too wishing he could spend more time with DS? If not, why might that be?

You could both get to have more time with DS and feel better too, if DS were with one of his parents when the other isn't around. I know that wasn't really the essence of your OP but the first thing that struck me most was wondering why it's YOU who's missing time with DS and considering a change in your working life - and not DH?

Your current life does sound incredibly hard work - especially if you're not enjoying it. I'm another who'd suggest properly exploring whether you and/or your dh might be able to go part time before making any final decisions, though. I obviously don't know the particular culture you work in, but I think what a company says about part time work, and what they actually do when faced with a skilled and valued employee about to leave, might be two different things.