This article about sex is making me increasingly angry

[rootypig]

www.nytimes.com/2015/01/25/opinion/sunday/seth-stephens-davidowitz-searching-for-sex.html?WT.mc_id=AD-D-E-KEYWEE-SOC-FP-JAN-AUD-DEV-INTL-0101-0131&WT.mc_ev=click&ad-keywords=IntlAudDev&kwp_0=9412&kwp_4=69732&kwp_1=123251&_r=0

I see a picture of men focussed on men, and women focussed on men.

I'm irritated by the male author's idea of what google searches represent - yes they may be 'private', but they are not acultural ffs. The internet is not a magic place, where women are suddenly free (apart from MN )

I would definitely say it was a male view of sex. Especially when he just touches on the fact that abusive relationship is a bigger search than any search about sex in relationships. If you look in the relationships section here on MN then women mainly write about what an arse their partner is and men almost exclusively write about sex. Women know your place.

What worried me was the pain in sex search. What are men doing to women where sex is painful? Why do they think this is OK?

But I had to laugh at "We do not often talk about male body insecurity." No we never talk about men and their problems.

And yes, men worrying about themselves and women worrying about men.

We don't actually know that pain during sex is anything at all to do with what the men are doing (despite the author seeming to link the ideas) - bleeding, peeing and farting during sex also being top5 searches.

If you try the search btw it takes you to respectable medical sources offering advice on dyspareunia. It is a symptom women should always get checked.

I'm really not seeing why you're getting increasingly angry. I would agree with his summing up.

It's a bit of a leap to assume Googling "painful sex" = something terrible being done by men to women 50 Shades style. There are plenty of medical reasons why sexual intercourse can become painful for both sexes.

God, I so wish I still saw the world that way Still. I miss being so utterly blind.

Oh, and I'm not being snarky, I genuinely do wish I didn't see the world as it really is sometimes, it's so tiring and sometimes deeply scary.

I don't assume that pain during sex is something terrible being done by men to women at all, that's not my issue. In fact, I agree with Dan Ariely on that score - google searches are not an indicator of what people are thinking, they are an indicator of what people think the internet can tell them (that they can't or don't want to ask another person).

What I'm trying to get at is a bit more nuanced, which is the author's total and utter lack of thought (as I see it) about gender relations - what these searches might express about how each gender is permitted to think about sex, the context that produces these searches and how that might make a person read them differently. And so that's what I meant when I said the internet isn't some magic place. Gender experience does not suddenly fall away.

(sorry, I should have qualified the pain thought - I more naturally thought of the pain women can experience vaginally e.g. during infections, post partum, menopause, when their partner's penis is big. I think many women experience this at one time or another, and it is one of the things a person might search the internet about. Specific problem, embarrassing, perceived solution.)

"I miss being so utterly blind.

Oh, and I'm not being snarky,"

Condescending then?

HTH. Fixed it for you.

No need to argue about whether Puffins is being snarky or use sarcy little comments like "HTH". She's getting at the very real issues a large number of women suffer. There was a BMJ study recently (reported in the Independent) on sex in the 16 to 20 year age group. Just over 40% of women this age were reporting engaging in anal sex, and the scary thing was that for the majority of them it was either uncomfortable and painful. The truly terrifying thing was that when they interviewed the young men having anal sex, they found that they most had an expectation that their girlfriends wouldn't want to, would have to be persuaded, and would not enjoy or would actively find the experience painful. This was before the event. The young men knew this and were pressurising their girlfriends anyway. And the girlfriends felt under such social pressure to be cool girls that they were acquiescing. (Of course there are women out there who think anal sex is great, and good for them - but this study is telling us loud and clear that this is not the experience of the majority - and it's that majority I'm worried about).

So, sure, internet search stats don't tell us the reasons for any individual search - but there sure as hell is solid evidence to suspect that not all of these searches are being undertaken by women suffering from post partum pain who simply need something physiological fixed.

Thank you Lurcio. for explaining in more detail what I was getting at. In addition, these women are encountering pain on sex (I am presuming PIV sex) and still men are having PIV sex with them. Why would you do something to someone that they find painful?

"which is the author's total and utter lack of thought (as I see it) about gender relations - what these searches might express about how each gender is permitted to think about sex, the context that produces these searches and how that might make a person read them differently. And so that's what I meant when I said the internet isn't some magic place. Gender experience does not suddenly fall away." Yes I think I understand what you mean rootypig. His whole view was very male centric and his interpretation of the searches was also male-centric. The "facts" he presented may not actually be as factual as he is making out. Whose truth are we talking about (Buffy is good on this!)?

Staples

Just because you didn't understand, you really didn't need to be nasty.

If you'd PMd me, I would have explained.

However, I suspect that you just wanted to be vile.

Oh Lurcio, that's interesting.