Teen DD angry about sexism

[Aradia]

Over the last couple of years, (with the help of MN) I have become much more vocal feminist. My DD is 13 and is very well read and becoming much more socially aware, particularly with regards to feminism. The only problem is it's starting to really upset her as she is seeing sexism and the patriarchy and she is quite rightly bothered by the unfairness of it. For example I recently had a Facebook debate with my sister, her auntie, about 50 shades of grey. My sister doesn't see anything wrong with it and thinks I am making a big fuss over nothing. DD on the other hand recognises it for what it is and can't understand why my sister doesn't see it too.

I am immensely proud of DD and she is growing up to be a wise and compassionate young woman. How do I help her to direct her passion in a positive way? I totally understand her frustration, I feel it too, as we all do. I was even going to post about how frustrated I feel the other day. I think I'm getting feminism burn out or something. In some ways it feels futile to care so much and to see sexism all around and feel like nothing's changing or that it's getting worse not better. I want DD to believe that she can make a difference. She is a very eloquent writer, so I have been encouraging her to write down her thoughts, or to write articles. What else can I do?

Your DD sounds fabulous Aradia, hopefully she'll turn out to be a firebrand like my DD2 who regularly rants against patriarchy and ingrained sexism.

That was my DD at 13 too!
She's now a young woman to be very proud of. Involved in Femsoc at uni, organising Ferguson solidarity vigil, Int Women's Day events, going to a Feminists Conference, getting riled at random anti-Semitism expressed by someone purporting to be anti-racist, and doing well in her course.

Well done OP!

Thank you so much for the replies everyone. Except Purdey. As for you, you're talking out of your arse. She doesn't attempt to regale me or anyone about the nuances of sex or BDSM, what weirdo planet are you on? She knows a lot about abusive relationships as I was unfortunate enough to be in one - with her father. Who has emotionally abused her too.

As for a 13 year old not knowing anything about sexism or the patriarchy - I wish! Do you think this stuff only starts suddenly affecting them once they reach adulthood and that they are somehow immune till then? Her friends are being pressured into sex and think that 50 SOG portrays a relationship to aspire to. She is quite rightly bothered by this and cares about the fact that it is giving young girls an incredibly damaging perspective on what constitutes a healthy relationship. As for 'spouting feminist claptrap' - what like the fact that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities? That sort of nonsense? Seriously, fuck off.

Some great links above, thank you all, I have sent them to DD who has decided that she wants to write a blog, which I think is a great idea! Your DD's all sound amazing too and I hope that she manages to channel her anger in a similarly positive way.

Oh it's much better to spout sexist claptrap at kids than feminist claptrap.

Everyone knows that.

Thanks for recommending Jump! Mag, Pilchard and Petula.

Of course girls (and boys!) can recognise sexism and patriarchy. My son is still indignant about a tshirt he saw when he was 9yrs old that said 'Anything girls can do, boys can do better'.

Aradia
If your DD would like to write for Jump! Mag, get in touch. We also have a YouTube channel, which she might enjoy. We have a couple of young 'Jump! Journos' who have done reports on on various subjects, and are looking to do more of these.

There are a few great campaigns at the moment, led by young activists, who might inspire her.

Wow. I think 13 years is when feminism, sex and the patriarchy are the most relevant to your life.

It's a time when you look around (at least I did) see the soft porn and the excuses and ask yourself why.

Well done to your DD for seeing it like it is.

Am open-mouthed at purdeybirdie - thinking of all the articulate, thoughtful girls I teach and trying to imagine telling them that they shouldn't be expressing opinions on feminism yet Fortunately they'd laugh at you just as incredulously as I am and then get back to discussing the dysfunctional dynamics of Bella and Edward's relationship in Twilight.

HouseWhereNobodyLives Mon 16-Feb-15 14:01:54
"Purdey - you don't need to know about bdsm to criticise the book. It may depict bdsm, but it also depicts abuse and rape."

I've seen snippets of 50SOG. Looks like a steaming pile.

But where is abuse and rape depicted? All I've seen is excruciating dialogue and... contract negotiations.

Wow, Purdeybirdie.

My seven year old is always finding examples of sexism (and racism, and classism) and getting cross about it. She finds it in books, on TV, in magazines. She wants to know why her sex is often depicted as weaker or sillier, for example.

I imagine by the time she is 13 she will have an opinion on things like 50 Shades. Why can't she? I had political opinions at that age.

you sound like an amazing mum! remember beating the patriarchy comes in tiny steps and stopping everyday sexism and rape culture is one of them! Keep going because you sound awesome!

https://www.amnesty.org.uk/giving/join/youth she could join this in a year's time

And she can take them to task on their ridiculous policy that being entitled to have sex is a basic human so buying it is fine.