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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

who is driving...

56 replies

minicar · 14/01/2015 01:39

Hi,

Sometimes I feel upset when dh drives for longer journeys unless I specifically ask to drive. It bugs me a little when I see mostly women in the passenger seat. Too much time on my hands?

OP posts:
Butterpuff · 14/01/2015 11:49

DH is always trying to encourage me to drive. I'm happy and confident driving locally but hate going somewhere new as my sense of direction is terrible and I get lost all the time, so if I can get away with it I will get DH to drive. He thinks that I should build confidence so tries to get me to take a turn and is always calm and relaxed when I start to panic that I am lost! I will take a turn, including half the drive between Cape Town and Port Elizabeth last year - though he did most of the tricky in town bits!

He is also trying to get me to do the Advanced Driving Course to build my confidence. He and lots of our friends (his sister and my brother included) have already done it and enjoyed it.

Recently he drives everywhere as im exhausted with late pregnancy and neither of us trust me behind a wheel.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/01/2015 11:52

We share it fairly equally but if there's navigation involved DH drives as he is the most useless navigator ever.

Both DM and DMIL are very timid drivers, they stick to short familiar journeys close to home. DMIL expresses surprise that I can manage a 2 hour motorway journey to her house, which has me rolling my eyeballs.

Original poster
minicar · 14/01/2015 12:31

Sorry wrong choice of word, I don't get upset as such. Its just a thought and when I question if we do this because of the stereotype, it bugs me a little. I do ask to drive more often so as to not to loose practice. Its not an issue as such but was curious to hear others' opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
minicar · 14/01/2015 12:32

For those who have 2 cars, its probably more justified. We are a one car household at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
minicar · 14/01/2015 12:35

Time for my own new car I guess Grin

OP posts:
steppeinginto2015 · 14/01/2015 12:37

I think you have to get into the habit of just getting into the driving seat!

To be fair though, if he uses the car more often, then he is also in the habit of getting in the driving seat

superbagpuss · 14/01/2015 12:43

My car is the newer and best suited for long journeys so we tend to use it as a family, I will drive there and DH will drive home.

On holidays we swap every couple of hours and DT are used to seeing us both drive. I think its important that they see women as much a fan of cars (and I love driving) as men

ChunkyPickle · 14/01/2015 12:46

We're the opposite - I generally do the driving, especially long journeys, as DP gets tired and is easily distracted (!), plus I don't mind.

Recently he drove though, and I took the time to look out the windows - I'd say that people who were around my age (30s) it was as often the woman driving as the man.

superbagpuss · 14/01/2015 12:52

chunkypickle, I'm min 30's and I agree with you - as many women as men driving - maybe becuase we have our own cars and are comfortable driving?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/01/2015 12:53

One thing that did occur to me a while ago is that I know several people who are reluctant drivers, some of them will take longer routes to avoid turning right at junctions or using a motorway and they are all women Sad.

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 14/01/2015 13:00

I don't own a car but remember my dad saying he enjoyed the power of driving cars. He was a fairly aggressive individual. Is there a general link?

LightningOnlyStrikesOnce · 14/01/2015 13:05

(yes, namalt, etc, but the point is males do tend to be socialised to be that way in british culture)

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 14/01/2015 13:09

I don't like driving. I can and do drive. Sometimes 100s miles a week for work. But if someone else offered I'd let them.

That said I do here what you mean - it's as though women just should've be driving man around. Thankfully I too think it is mainly the older generation.

Goingintohibernation · 14/01/2015 13:12

Its not something I have noticed, but then I am normally driving on long journeys, so I'm not able to look around too much. I hate being a passenger, I get bored, so probably drive more often than DH.

sleepyhead · 14/01/2015 13:16

I drive, dh doesn't.

DM drives as often as DF. DSIL drives as often as DBro.

I have quite a few female friends though who, although they have valid driving licences, consider the car as belonging to their partners and have a lot of nervousness around driving. Without exception their fathers seem to have been aggressive pricks (but they all describe them as having been excellent drivers - I suspect the fathers self-described as thus).

I've wondered if this is learned behaviour in childhood in some of these cases.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 14/01/2015 13:17

I drive everywhere unless we're on a roadtrip, and then we share the driving. I'm not comfortable being driven by anyone else tbh. I'm a bit of a car control freak Blush

PetulaGordino · 14/01/2015 13:21

dp drops me off and picks me up for work, so it makes sense for him to drive then otherwise we would have to swap seats. other than that it's about 50/50, perhaps with me driving more as i don't drink as frequently as he does, and also i am not a great passenger - i get terribly jumpy very easily. i'm fine if i'm driving as i have the control then

ZombieApocalypse · 14/01/2015 13:25

I got into the habit of letting DH drive because he's a terrible passenger. But after realising I was gradually losing all my driving confidence as a result, we now take turns and he's banned from making any 'helpful' suggestions or criticisms.

whatsagoodusername · 14/01/2015 13:28

I hate driving. I can if I have to (rare), I just much prefer to gaze out the windows, and not pay attention. So DH drives.

My DF loved driving, so he always did. My DM doesn't enjoy driving, so was quite happy to let him. Nothing to do with gender, though.

42bunnytails1 · 14/01/2015 13:29

DH is a crap, nervous, gets vaguely car sick, spoonyfucker of a passenger. It's much nicer to let him drive.

grimbletart · 14/01/2015 13:50

Picking up on Petula's making sense not to swaps seats thing….
I used to commute by train for many years. It was glaringly noticeable how you would see bloke drive up to station, hops out, woman jumps into passenger seat and drives off.

At night everything would be reversed. Woman drives up to station, bloke comes round to driver's door, woman jumps out and gets into the passenger seat.

What the hell is that all about?

DH and I pretty much drive 50/50.

Takver · 14/01/2015 13:58

DH always drives if we go out, as he doesn't really drink and will happily stay on softs all night (this makes him very popular with friends Grin ) Otherwise - my van, I drive, his car, he drives (we do swap on long journeys, though).

TBH I would happily let him drive 90% of the time, and he would happily do so, as I prefer to be a passenger & he prefers driving. I only make a point of doing my share otherwise I get out of practice.

peggyundercrackers · 14/01/2015 14:02

I drive my car, DH drives his - we drive each others very rarely as I don't like driving his car.

ReallyBadParty · 14/01/2015 14:07

Another one with a giant DH here! But I might well drive if the cars not stuffed full.

I do notice when I am in France that many more women seem to drive men/the family than they do here, it was quite interesting.

I drive a lot for work particularly, but also for ferrying children about. A lot of women I know just won't drive long distances, or on motorways and rely on being driven by men.

ReallyBadParty · 14/01/2015 14:09

Aaaaargh! car's not cars......

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