Is this sexist or have I lost perspective

[JeanSeberg]

Friend misplaced her engagement ring which was later discovered on her toddler daughter's finger. Relief all round.

However, the dad posts on FB to say many legs will be broken before a ring is placed on his daughters finger.

He wouldn't say similar about a son would he.

Yes, Skolastica, 'protecting' your son from women who 'want babies' is pretty sexist as well. Sorry.

OK - but why?

"I'm probably as bad - my 25 year old son is a good earner, attractive and very stable - I've felt a fierce need to protect him from women who want babies. Is that sexist too?" Yes, and why?

I feel this way because I've seen quite a few men who have been dumped by women once they have had their babies - they have been really hurt by it.

all women are money grubbing witches out to 'trap' your defenceless boy.

some are...

I find that quite a bizarre and disturbing attitude. It's all a bit Mother Bates.

You need to learn to tell the difference, skolastica

Totally agree with you, which is why I struggle to see how it is a sexist issue.

Personally I wouldn't respond on Facebook as it will make it into something bigger. You could maybe have a casual, gently educational chat with him in person about father's feelings about their daughters.

I honestly don't understand why people make these 'jokes' implying they never want their offspring to find love and happiness (whether through marriage or without marriage). I mean, it's not like eternal singledom is a held up as desirable in our society is it? Particularly for women? I can't think of why any man would want to break the legs of anybody who wants to marry his daughter? does he really want her to be alone all her life? Is this the same sort of man who will start talking about 'spinsters' and being 'on the shelf' only a few years later????

THATS what annoys me. Not the ownership angle on it.

Skolastika It's sexist because you're assuming that women will want your son for his money and sperm, and he won't be able to resist because men can't resist sex. Both highly sexist assumptions.

I suppose the fear with daughters used to be that they would end up "sullied" or worse, pregnant, and thus unmarriageable. Which was understandable, 150 years ago.

skolastica, it's also sexist because you're assumung that your son won't want babies. Quite a lot of men do, you know...

Oh I hate this sexist "get off my daughter" rubbish!! Well done OP for being restrained and not snarling back on FB. Unfortunately, when I read a close male friend had put something similar on FB, I was not so restrained and answered something along the lines of - "Yes, protect your daughter from idiots and establish sensible rules for dating her eg Rule No 1. Any man who wishes to date my daughter had better know where the clitoris is."

It wasn't my most tactful hour.

I feel this way because I've seen quite a few men who have been dumped by women once they have had their babies - they have been really hurt by it.

I've seen far more men breeze happily away from babies that were planned for and wanted, both mother and child have been devastated and left in penury because of it. Should we tell all girls not to trust any boys? Or rather, have overprotective fathers sit with shotguns?

Oh, and I speak as the voice of experience. DS1's wife left him 3 months after the wedding with their DD and set up home with another bloke. All I say to him now is to be careful, and maybe settle down with someone before having any more children.

rosabud that is fab, sounds like something I'm always itching to say, but never do!