But of course they are. I totally agree. Feminism, in its original conception, at its base, is the idea that men and women should be treated equally.
The problem is that our society wasn't set up that way and doesn't run that way. So if we want men and women to be treated equally, we have to change some structures. The only ways to do that are to push women up (work for them to have equal opportunities, safety, autonomy) or drag men down (take away their safety, autonomy, opportunities).
I really do not believe most feminists want men to suffer, individually or as a group -- to be afraid, to work hard but not be rewarded, to have their achievements belittled. Feminism is not about taking things away. It is about sharing things equally.
I think what happens, though, is that b/c there is a lot of resistance to this premise that we should all share equally, and we have been trying to get everyone to share equally for a long, long, long time, many feminists are very angry. I am myself at times.
And I don't think that's odd. Many people of color are very angry. Many poor and unemployed people are very angry. Because come on! When are the white people/the wealthy people/the men going to start sharing the opportunities? I think that's the problem.