Both myself and my partner have multiple disabilities. How our difference in treatment has been along several lines: gender, race, weight, type of disabilities, how the disabilities happened, and so on. There is a lot to untangle.
I am autistic, the 'treatment'/abuse for that caused PTSD and joint problems - even part of that was highly gendered (I wasn't diagnosed as a child, but a 'cure' for girls who was neuroatypical and unable to meet those social expectations was to be put into 'social' and active dance lessons for hours from a young age (I started at 3) I've learned wasn't an uncommon tactic in training autistic girls to be compliant and acceptable then, boys would be put into sports like my brother was to be trained to be acceptably aggressive). The type of dance/sports were put into was originally affected by the ethnicity our parents wanted to be seen as and then by the ethnicity others saw us as (I started in ballet and tap, would end up in hip hop and 'modern'/jazz). The overtraining caused joint damage and is likely related to the issue in my limbs that causes them to fall asleep while I'm walking.
As a child, I was often told not to have children, that having them was wrong, that getting a partner who wasn't just using me was not possible for me. I had a teacher when I was 11 (who knew I was at that point in a depression group) tell an entire class of boys not to date me, the only reason I can recall was because I was too disorganized. While my mother and sister could be openly sexual, I could not - the moment I admitted to kissing someone, I was a slut who was being used. The moment I went outside of heteronormative expectations that I wasn't even suppose to get let alone go beyond, I was being used and being a bad example. The being an example as a disabled person often came up for me.
My partner didn't become noticeably disabled until he was a teenager. He's neuroatypical and has damage to his lower spine and joints. He has had more medical attention due to the nature of his disabilities and he has far less history of medical abuse to stop him. Having been physically abused to 'teach me a lesson' by medical professionals and had my child's speech delay blamed on my accent (yes, this was said to me repeatedly, I have this in writing) I'm less likely to go seeking services. I take him to appointments as I fully believe and seen that I am treated better with his presence even when he seems more ill than I am.
He was never been told that having kids was wrong, but he has been told that his disabilities make him a bad father whereas I've been told not to have kids or not to have more kids (and been laughed at a desire to do so), but I've not yet had anyone say to me personally that they think it makes me a bad mother. I've had people yell in my face when my child's shoe has gone under my mobility scooter (as if shouting directions on a device they clearly didn't know would help) and people ask how I do it that really feels like why, and I've had adults pull their kids away from mine, but I've never had it said to me that my disabilities make me a bad mother. It seems more acceptable to imply or say 'why did you have these kids' to me even during times when my partner's disability has been more obvious and it seems acceptable to tell him that he's a bad father if he tries to care for the kids while disabled.
People presume he's faking or that it would all be solved by losing weight whereas no one say that I'm faking but that it's not as bad as someone else's and I just need to put a positive attitude on it - they agree its there but that I should be able to smile through it and be an example to others.
When my partner was looking for work, it was presumed he needed to toughen up whereas when I looked for new work after my third and wanted advice on doing it with disabilities that had escalated over that pregnancy, I had my qualifications (which are 'better' in degree, more generally accepted as his are very niche, and more up to date) mocked, that I should focus on putting my kids in nursery (when I had said my husband was their main carer and had been for years, they just laughed and said 'I guess he has some experience') and to do that so I can get 'me time' before going back to work.
People do like to pretend disability doesn't exist, especially among younger adults, and that is just a matter of toughening up men and making women more cheerful then all the complaints about accessibility will go away. As an autistic adult, people like to pretend to we don't exist yet and if we did we would all be horrible examples to autistic kids. All the autistic women I know at one time or another been told our autism isn't "real autism" and been prevented from connected to other autistic women who are 'a bad influence' and when we do, our interaction with them gets blamed for any 'wrong' behaviour. The idea of disabled women coming together to find answers from each other rather than 'the experts' really annoys some people and autistic women coming together to define autism for ourselves and not accepting the 'male brain' malarkey so often fed to us really drives a lot of people to aggressive to us.