DS has started saying dodgy things...

[messyisthenewtidy]

Ever since he started a new school he's been coming out with stuff like "women aren't funny" , "girls shouldn't roll up their skirts if they don't want the boys to make comments", plus we had a chat about videogames and violence because someone in his class had made a comment about enjoying finding women and stabbing them (in the game) . When I said that was wrong he said "there's nothing wrong, it's just a game".

Every time I tackle it and talk about the complexities behind each issue I feel like I'm lecturing and we get into an argument. I feel like he's looking at the way the world is set up and coming to the conclusion that men are better. I'm not sure how to tackle these things without him thinking that I'm attacking men. Any ideas? He's 13.

[AcrossthePond55]

Momagain has a good point about the 'nice kids' at school not being the first to befriend the new kid. That was our experience, too, when we moved to a new area. The 'nice kids' seem to stand back and watch the new kid to see if they'd fit in with their group whilst the 'not so nice' kids seem to jump right in and are eager to make the new kid part of their group. It's hard to resist for any kid, they just want to have friends. There were a couple of new friendships that DS1 formed at his new school that we had to actively discourage. Luckily, sports led to new friendships.

Feminazi?!? I wasn't aware that Rush Limbaugh had contaminated British shores with his particular brand of fuckwittery!

[Sabrinnnnnnnna]

I wouldn't tolerate 'feminazi' either - that is, to me, way more shocking than the stabbing thing and 'girls aren't funny'. The word feminazi is hatespeak in my eyes - hatespeak against women who demand full human rights.

I'd be seriously worried about who he was hanging around with if he brought such language home. My son is 12 and afaik, has never come across such words.

[FuckOffFerret]

I don't think most teenagers (and even a lot of adults) would equate feminazi with hate speech. It absolutely is if you think about it but as it is frequently used on the internet by people who seem otherwise normal. It definitely needs picking up but I am just saying I am sure he doesn't realize how shitty it really is. I'm much more concerned about the stabbing women comments

[FuckOffFerret]

• I think it's just another way of saying "feminists go too far" and it's become quite popular lately

[gamescompendium]

If anyone called me a Feminazi I'd be tempted to invoke Godwin's Law. More seriously he needs reminding that comparing a political movement that campaigns for equality with a political movement that killed millions of people based on their ethnic origin, religion, political views, sexuality, mental or physical disability is, frankly, nonsensical and he clearly needs to learn more about the Holocaust (as well as feminism) because not only is it insulting to feminists it's incredibly disrespectful of the people who were the victims of the Nazis.

[BriarRainbowshimmer]

It's easy to come across these attitudes on the internet, that's probably where this stuff is coming from.

Would he find it ok if a white person tried to find and kill every black character in a game too?

[SevenZarkSeven]

I didn't know that 13yo boys knew terms like "feminazi" I find that totally bizarre!

[Littlebluebutterflies]

I would consider speaking to the school I think. If these attitudes are pervasive, I wonder how it must feel to be a female pupil at that school...

[SolidGoldBrass]

How is he behaving? I think there comes a stage with a lot of teenagers when they will say things which outrage their parents' values just because they are exploring the concept of having different ideas to their parents and 'saying the unsayable' becomes exciting.

[messyisthenewtidy]

Solid, I think you have a point. At least I hope he is just exploring and that he doesn't really mean those things.

[Zazzles007]

The other thing is that children model themselves on the same sex parent or if that parent is not around, the major same sex role model. May I ask what his father is like?

[slug]

Buy him this tshirt

[AcrossthePond55]

I like that T shirt.

I see what solid is saying. I remember (semi-deliberately) enraging my "America, love it or leave it" DF with my anti-VN war rhetoric when I was a teen.

But even so, I think your DS needs to understand that what he is saying is not acceptable and hurtful to you, personally, as a woman.

[grimbletart]

I would ask him why he says the things he says, why he believes them. No need to be horrible, just gently insistent that he gives you reasons. Hopefully he will eventually see that he is just parroting the general rubbish that is around as he won't be able to provide any logical answers (as there aren't any logical answers).