Maybe this is part of how, slowly, things change...

[WorkingBling]

In our extended group of friends is a couple with a very traditional set up. They are both lovely but dh and I have had issues in the past with things he's said and the way she clearly goes alongb with certain things just because he insists. It works for them though and they are genuinely one of the happiest couples I know.

He has traditionally had pretty high powered city jobs and is currently thinking of making a change to an industry that's pretty tough to get into. As it happens, from something I did in my previous life, I actually have some pretty good contacts in this field although there is no way he would know that.

I chose not to offer to make an introduction. Part of me thinks I am being petty but part of me feels that this is my way of trying to ensure deeply misogynist men like him don't find themselves in yet more powerful situations. Especially as I know that due to his issues with women in the workplace there's no way the favour would ever be returned for me or passed on to another woman.

It does go against the grain as I am a referrer. I like to introduce people and believe it is a good and healthy way to extend networks but I am starting to realise that I almost never get anythin back and that it's all very well bein "nice" but when do I start to see the benefit?

I wouldn't make a referral for anyone who I wouldn't wish to work with myself, whether that was because of misogyny or any other unacceptable behaviours. Not only are you likely to never get anything back (although that shouldn't really be the point) but if the people you refer them to find them equally undesirable as a colleague then it reflects badly on you by association. In this situation if he ends up working with your contacts it would be good to play down your association too. There are people I won't add to my LinkedIn network for exactly these sorts of reasons.

Couldn't agree more. A friend hired a charming wastrel of my acquaintance, and I did my level best to warn her off him! Was glad I had, too, as he was predictably fired some months later.

I wouldn't recommend a rampant sexist, either, even to a rampantly sexist organisation. My favours are not best employed in the promotion of misogyny.

Just as Who says, I wouldn't recommend people that I wouldn't want to work with.

It's your reputation you're sharing, and if you wouldn't want his behaviour reflecting on you then you shouldn't make the referral.

It's a sad truth that he would be dazzling. He is a lovely man, charming and pleasant and I hear, very good to work for. It's i it because I know him personally that I am aware he harbours deeply misogynist views, including that he doesn't believe in hiring women of "a certain age". Incidentally, this is only something I know second hand because he would never admit this in front of me. But dh and other feminist men of their acquaintance have been shocked by his comments in the past on "boys nights".

There is nothing wrong with sticking by your convictions WorkingBling, I would do the same if I were in your position. There are certain people I would never recommend, never contact on social media, never have as part of my friends list etc etc, because their values and beliefs deeply contradict the values and beliefs that I hold dear. You are making a stand for yourself and saying "What I believe counts".

It's enough though, I tend to feel that the old boys network and the like have so much influence that acts against female career progression, why on earth would you want to collude with that, I would most certainly feel the same as you over this. The tricky time comes if someone applies for work in your own organisation but you have personal knowledge of them from a non- work source.