i hope its alright to post this

[mindalina]

it's not really a burning feminist issue or anything. but today i took my two kids to buy new coats and my daughter who is nineteen months insisted onnhaving a pink version of her big brothers coat, despite being offered (enthusiastically!) the purple and blue versions. i'm just a bit gutted that she's not even two and she's already internalised the idea that pink is for girls. i'm surprised by how sad i feel about it, but sadder still that this is how it is, if you see what i mean. and i think this is just a tiny taste of whats to come for her, throughout her life. i don't even know why i'm posting really, i just wanted to put it somewhere i thought people might understand, because my rl circles don't really get it.

Don't panic yet - loads of toddlers go through a pink phase of both sexes - my DS1 and his cousin for example both have said that pink is their favourite colour a few times in the past couple of years, and both have chosen pink versions of things at various times.

Keep offering all colours and see how it goes.

I wouldn't worry unduly.
I would be far more worried if I had a girl who wanted a blue coat, but wouldn't wear one for fear of looking like a boy, or a boy who wanted a pink coat but didn't want to be teased.

I am a feminist who sometimes wears pink

I know what you mean. When you see that all of the socialisation of females is linked, the first time your tiny DD asks for something "for girls" is saddening as it's an indicator that it's all started and it's sinking in.

It's not just pink, obviously, that's one facet of a whole bunch of stuff around expected behaviours and likes and abilities and so on and so on.

If that is what you mean I know exactly where you're coming from.

We don't need to destigmatise pink we need to destigmatise "girls" things - or maybe "feminine" activities or whatever on earth it is.

I mean one day hopefully we won't have "girls" stuff and "boys" stuff, but even once gender had been shredded if it turned out that actually a majority of girls preferred X, it wouldn't automatically mean that X was crap and inferior.

IYSWIM. And I think you do as I think we're saying the same sort of thing!

Pink is a really lovely colour. At her age I think she just choose the colour that appealed to her the most. Don't over think it just yet.

DS is three and he loves pink. Pink is one of my favorite colours, it's bright, it's got so many shades, it's the colour of a whole bunch of beautiful and amazing things.

The first sentence uttered by the female gendered of my two stereotypes was "I not wear that" when offered a Thomas the Tank Engine hoodie. She was around 14/15 months and obviously both a precocious talker and an early adopter of societal norms.

She has just gone off to University, leaving behind at her mostly boy's school a thriving Feminist Society which she started from scratch, and which is attended regularly by many of the staff as well as by both boys and girls.

So I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep modelling good feminist behaviour to your children and in the world. And make sure their father is on board it's this too.

I'm with the others who say don't worry too much about the whole 'pink' thing at the moment. Apparently children start learning about gender around 3-4 yrs of age. So she is most likely experimenting with the 'girl' stuff at the moment. Don't make a big thing about it, and see if the 'phase' passes .

I get what you mean.

It's the putting themselves in little boxes so early that upsets me. The notion of gender and separation is internalised so early, it really does colour your thought processes for the rest of your life.

Society wouldn't put up with heavily racialised or religionised options for tiny kids, (if such a thing were possible?) It would be called propaganda or something, and society knows that promoting difference doesn't help. That's before you even touch on the tacit hierarchy of said difference.

Yet heavily gendered stuff is fine. And of course by the time a child is picking what after school activities, how to deal with self image, A level subjects, sexual relationships, career path, marriage, childcare options, their choices are all free.

Pink is a lovely colour, of course. It's what it represents that bugs me.