Raising feminist boys - a question

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Hi all, I've read a few blogs/forum posts about raising boys, and the general gist seems to be - no specific advice, just model behaviour and talk openly about things. All good.
But I am worried about how DS can be mindful of his male privilege without feeling guilt. Does that make sense? DH seems to manage, but he's become consciously feminist in adulthood, whereas DS will grow up with it. I know I feel shame/guilt for my white/middle class privilege sometimes...
Sorry if this is a silly question!

Do you think your guilt is good in some ways, though?

Yes, sometimes... It can also be problematic and disabling I think.
Maybe I'm coming from a place of wanting to protect DS, when guilt may be appropriate. I don't know. It's new to mewanting to protect someone from bad feelingsas with DH I've encouraged uncomfortable discussions.

Thanks though, a good question!

By which I meant - one of the reasons why we "do good" is the pain to our conscience (aka guilt) of not doing so.

So you can't stop being white and middle class but your conscience can remind you not to, for example, heavily criticise benefit levels which are still well below your own income (generic "you"!), meaning your behaviour is modified.

Interesting question....perhaps any guilt he felt about his privilege could be outweighed by a sense of pride that he is conscious and aware about the difficulties women face, and committed to helping them fight for equality?

Plus, I would hope that a teenage boy who has been raised by feminists would also enjoy the rewards that viewing girls as equal, accessible human beings could bring- enriching friendships with girls and more fulfilling sexual relationships?

Thank you everyone. I like the idea of guilt (conscience) as a motivator for actions, and that it might contribute to strong relationships with women too. That's a positive way of thinking about it.

I have two sons (14 and 8), and the eldest is already very much aware of male privilege, and the issues that women (and girls) face.

However, I don't want him to feel guilty about being a boy, because he can't help the fact he was born male. It isn't something he chose, it's just something he is.

For me, it's about the language I use when I talk to DS1 about feminism and gender inequality, so I have never personalized it by saying something like "you will grow up with male privilege." Rather I will have said, "boys grow up in a society, where male privilege exists... blah blah blah." It was saying the same thing, but without making him feel like I was blaming him somehow for that fact, when as I said he didn't have any choice with being a boy!

I'm glad he's aware of his privilege (and I know he is, because of certain things he has said and done, that have amazed me), but if he felt guilty about it, I'd feel like I had failed him somehow.

Thank you for that perspective, Tess. I wonder if some of us just internalise those sentiments though, and feel guilt anyway. You must be proud of your son. DS is only a year old, so I am getting ahead of myself a bit!