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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Bitches' work

12 replies

Bslami · 12/09/2014 21:28

Not sure what I want anyone to do about this and am angry at myself for not pulling this person up.

Last night we ate in a restaurant - it was fairly quiet and one of the waiters was clearly bored, making it obvious he wanted to engage - we were exhausted and really just wanted a quiet chat/sit down so not too keen.

Anyway, at the end of the night he was hanging around asking questions etc pretending to tidy up and so not having a choice I asked him a couple of questions about himself. It was all about how this (waiting tables) job was really hard work because he was at uni, though he had spent the summer enjoying himself, blah blah blah, he was going to join the army for 5 or 6 years then he was going to join his dad's company "yah really successful property development company ...blah blah .... I'm working for him at the moment ..um it's not a nice word so why fucking say it then just bitches' work really"

I was speechless (pathetically) I just didn't realise that this word, in this context, was now a seemingly acceptable part of our culture.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bslami · 12/09/2014 21:40

Is it just me then?

That "bitches' work" is synonymous with "women's work" and of course women can't be trusted with the proper jobs; they get to do the running aroundShock

How has it happened that people can say things like this out loud, in public, now?

OP posts:
SevenZarkSeven · 12/09/2014 21:45

No it was wildly inappropriate for him as someone who worked there to say that to you a paying customer! WTF?!

Was he very young?

No it's not acceptable in my book at all but surely in that position if you got overheard you'd get sacked on the spot?

SevenZarkSeven · 12/09/2014 21:47

Oh he was at uni, sorry missed that.

I do wonder if the use of "bitch" in that type of context is more common amongst young people? What with the use of it so prevalent and normalised in certain music & popular culture?

Original poster
Bslami · 12/09/2014 21:49

He was 23. He was one of those people who just absolutely love talking about themselves. Had an air about him of "please don't make the mistake of thinking this job is my real job ....I'm worth far more than this, etc". Was dying to let us know that he had a glittering future ahead of him, etc.

It's in a place we go to a lot and I feel awkward about letting them know but I just couldn't believe it.

OP posts:
Indigui · 12/09/2014 21:53

It's a disgusting thing to say and he sounds like a nobhead.

'Bitch work' does seem to be an established phrase (www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bitch%20Work)

Sigh.

Original poster
Bslami · 12/09/2014 21:54

Yeah it makes me feel 104 Seven and I know it's part of the culture as in "slap my bitch up" I think but ideally I'd like us to take the word back again or something, so that it loses its potency. In the way that gay men did with "queer" for example.

I bloody hate the fact that men can refer to women as bitches and it's okay. What assumed that the word "bastard" instead of "man" in everyday contexts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bslami · 12/09/2014 21:56

I thought it must be Indigui because he was so casual about it ... very depressing.

OP posts:
SevenZarkSeven · 12/09/2014 22:20

You could probably get him sacked if you wanted I guess.

Given that he thinks he's above it all anyway it might well serve him right.

You don't speak to customers like that!

Zazzles007 · 13/09/2014 06:45

Urgh, ugly phrase 'bitch's work', and his disclaimer of 'um its not a nice word' doesn't make it one jot better. The younger version of me would have ignored it and carried on the conversation. The older and wiser me would have given him this face Hmm, and said "Well, that's an odd thing to say, if you think its not a nice word", and made it clear that he had overstepped the mark. No need to make a fuss, as you don't really know him, but let him know he definitely crossed a boundary. Oh and he would have lost his tip, unless the rest of his service had been exemplary.

It also shows how sexism tends to cross the generations from one to the next. I bet this young man's father is delightful Hmm.

StickEmUpYourShnozz · 13/09/2014 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowinmyroom · 13/09/2014 13:05

Why on Earth did you put up with this toe rag? FFS, talk to the management. You go there often, if I were a first time visitor, this would have put me off their business and I'd have written about it on their Yelp and Trip Advisor.

He has such great career prospects, he has plenty of places to go.

I'd complain now.

ouryve · 13/09/2014 13:06

I'd be asking "Why? Are you employed as a sniffer dog, or something?"

The guy has a serious attitude problem. Also, if waiting tables is such hard work, does he think that joining the army is going to be a doss?

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