Scare stories aimed at women

[treaclesoda]

I've never posted in this section before, so I hope I've chosen the right place.

For what seems like the millionth time, someone has forwarded me one of those scare stories about not stopping to help a crying child because the police have warned that it is a 'new gang rape tactic', that it is to entice women to stop and then they'll be attacked. I've read so many; perfume samples laced with drugs to make you pass out, man hiding in your car when you buy petrol, child car seat on a country road.

As far as I am aware, these are urban myths. But what do people gain from starting these rumours? Presumably they want women to live in fear? I've never ever seen one of these rumours aimed at men. Although of course I'm struggling to think of something that would strike fear into men the way gang rape would strike fear into women.

Anyway, every time I see one of these things it just makes me angry and I can't quite put my finger on why.

I totally get what you mean - I think the reason it makes me angry is because women get warned about totally false dangers when in actual fact the warnings should be about the far more realistic concerns e.g. empowering women to expect better treatment from their partners or to say "No" when someone transgresses their personal boundaries - but if you posted these then you'd get a cry of "But not all men are like that!" which would totally shut down the conversation.

As I pointed out to a male friend of mine, the number of men violently assaulted (unprovoked) on nights out is far higher than the number of women "stranger raped" (e.g. the stereotypical dark alley, scary man rape rather than the more common types). Yet despite this, when we both go out drinking, I consider whether my shoes are suitable to run away in and he has never once stopped to think about his footwear. Because men are not socialised to be afraid.

i agree with everything said here

it's that "even though you think you're safe, you're not"

and they of course only use the "stranger in a public place" scenario - never the woman in her own home subjected to an attack by her partner, which is by far the highest risk, but that wouldn't fit the trope

I'm trying to imagine something similar aimed at men.

'Police are warning that if someone asks you for the time, a gang are going to jump out and steal your watch and wallet'. Ok, not as emotive a crime, but nevertheless one that most men would find very upsetting. And also a far more likely scenario than a woman being abducted by a stranger. And yet, I've never ever heard of men being warned against strangers attacking them.

If we live in a state of fear then we will be more willing to put up with shitty men as individuals and shitty men as a class because we need someone to chaperone us through life.

I've got a sister with friends that email her all these scare stories and then she passes them on to me as well-meaning advice (if you see a van with a side-opening door parked next to your car, get into your car on the passenger side and clamber over in because there are men going around kidnapping women from the back of these vans etc. etc). The real-life stuff you see in newspapers is bad enough. I used to take my dog walking in a lovely park but then read about a woman being violently raped there in the mid-afternoon. I could never quite relax and enjoy going there ever again (although my biggest fear was my darling pooch would run off while I was being violently raped and be run over/dog-napped/frozen to death as a stray thinking his mummy didn't love him).

Agree with all of this.

Because women and girls must not forget for one second that they are prey.

These type of emails + "helpful" public information stuff + a lot of TV which features women being brutalised in all sorts of inventive ways + victim blaming + on and on forever.

Drives me bananas.

I agree with previous posters but - without wishing to victim blame - I think women must get something out of these crazy stories too. Some sense of having this knowledge that will help you cheat a gang rape. Hmm.

Just last week, there was a thread on here about that stupid nail polish that allows you to check between sips if a man has slipped a date rape drug into your drink and posters were going, "oh, good stuff, will definitely invest in a bottle for my teenage DD to keep her safe next time she goes for a drink". Wtf.

I think in the back of my mind the reason I hate them so much is because they do feel a bit victim blamey? Something in my head makes me feel that if by some stretch of the imagination a woman was attacked after sniffing a drugged perfume sample that there would be thousands of people saying 'well, it's just common sense not to do that, surely everyone knows that. I'm not saying she was to blame but...' Does that make sense to anyone else?

It's like those anti rape knickers that some woman invented. They just made me furious because if those became standard apparel it would obviously be default be suggested that any woman not wearing them is just asking for trouble.

Yes it makes total sense and is a large part of why I hate them so much.

They teach women that they are prey, that they must never relax, must always be on the alert, and as if that removal of women's peace of mind wasn't enough, they teach that if something happens and they have not followed every item on the frankly infinitely long list then they have brought it on themselves.

It's shit.

"They teach that if something happens and they have not followed every item on the frankly infinitely long list then they have brought it on themselves."

This.

Sorry you are seeing such crap, OP - can you filter automatically to an email folder (setting up a rule for any email containing the word rape) - then scan the folder every day or so for any emails about grapes, deleting the rest.

winifrid @ concern the OP not miss any vital grape related emails

Tickled me, that did

I do think there are some women who comfort themselves with the idea that there is a kind of woman that gets raped and if they employ all these strategies they are empowering themselves to not be one of those women. A while ago I met up with my sister who is influenced by these kind of emails and, after I walked towards her, she told me that I 'walked like a potential victim' because I looked like I was daydreaming rather than vigilant. I had been having a nice stroll through the town centre on a sunny day, thinking about an interesting project I was working on. It didn't occur to me that I should be scowling at every passing man and jumping into a martial arts pose every few yards, just in case.

I hate this stuff too.
I have two teen DDs and it's a difficult balancing act deciding what to say and what not to say.
Eg. Tonight I very firmly told DD1 not to get her phone out and be careful in the last bit of her walk tomorrow

Not because she's a girl, but because she has to go through the part of town where I strongly suspect the teens know where to sell a new iPhone.

Ckd that visual image of you doing a martial arts pose every few yards made me laugh!

It made me think of the Friends episode where Ross is "oonagi"

These types of email are taking the place of rabbits feet, four leaf clovers and relics of the true cross. They are talismans, magical thinking so that we can learn how to keep ourselves 'safe' in an inexplicable rape culture.

The truth...... Don't go home or have friendships or relationships with men, because they might rape you or kill you in horrible ways probably wouldn't spread as far. (And would be met with the usual cries of NAMALT!)

There's nothing wrong with being aware of your surroundings, it's what stops is wandering into rivers and cracking our heads off street lights, but the idea that we have to be constantly hyper vigilant is offensive.