What little experience I have had has been with transmen who were considered lesbians pre-transition so become straight men after transition. In that regard, they are not imposing on non-transmen for sex, for instance. It's a whole different dynamic.
Good point! So obvious when you say it, but the concepts in this debate so far have so muddled my head that it's hard to see the obvious!
So a MtoF person who still has a penis and identifies as a lesbian so expects lesbians to have sex with them (even though lesbians clearly don't find penises attractive otherwise, presumably, they'd be heterosexual) is like me being FtoM but keeping my vagina and then identifying as gay and expecting gay men to have sex with me (even though gay men clearly don't find vaginas attractive otherwise, presumably, they'd be heterosexual). Also, the fact that I am a female who has had a vagina since birth means that gay men are the one goup of people who I really have had least to do with. I have some friends who are gay men but the vast majority of people who I have had close relationships with are either all women (because, as they are the same biological sex with me, our paths have been thrown together in millions of circumstances since birth) and straight men (because I am attracted to people with penises so, again, our paths tend to have crossed over the years.) So, let's assume that I become a man with a vagina but, as I have always been attracted to penises, I identify as a gay man and seek out gay men to have sex with: I would actually find myself seeking out the one group of people with whom I have always had least in common and, therefore, with whom I am likely to have the least idea of their lived experiences. I have enough humility to understand that, as that is the case, the gay men whom I approach may be a little nervous about that.
Can you imgine if that actually happened? If a FtoMs with vaginas went to gay men and started expecting the gay men to have sex with them which involved the vagina in some way? And then, when the gay men were a bit nervous about it, started berrating them and calling them bigots and started internet campaigns against them? I don't think gay men, or any men would stand for that. The FtoM people would become laughing stocks to both gay and straight men. It would be a rare instance of straight men being on the side of gay men for once. It would be ridiculed and dismissed.
But when it happens to the other way round, women (especially those pesky lesbians who really, rather oddly and amazingly don't seem to like penises) are expected to accommodate men's desires (no matter how odd, marginalised or plainly ridiculous those desires are) and, when women object, it's an excuse for everyone to blame feminism for being bigotted because, of course, after hundreds of years of female oppression men would quite like that to continue and so any far-fetched example of feminists being bigotted is jumped on with glee.
It's beyond stupid. It would be laughable if it wasn't so dangerous.