"too much of a bimbo to be a feminist"

[JokersGiggle]

That's what my friend said to me.
She saw the book "everyday sexism" on my coffee table earlier and burst out laughing. I asked her what was funny and she said it was nothing, we carried on as normal then she left.
She's just emailed me saying "sweetie I saw your little feminist book earlier and I need to point something out to you - your too much of a bimbo to be a feminist! You wear makeup, have highlights, like to look good, didn't go to uni and you let your guy look after you"
i'm really hurt by this. Yes I like to look good as it make me happy. I didn't go to uni, I choose to work my way up in my career (and personally I think I've done well). Yes I do let dp take me out for dinner once or twice a week but that's because I cook each evening and as dp is a truely awful cook he like to take me out so im not cooking every night of the week as his contribution to food. And yes he does pay for more things than me but he earns quite a lot more than me so we devide bills in relation to salary rather than 50/50.
How do I explain that feminism isn't about how you look, who you are, what you do or how you've been educated; its a way of thinking and a way of life. I've tried but each draft email sounds either snobby or shows how much she's hurt me.
Can anyone help?

Either this is who she really is and she just adopted a nice persona until she got her insurance man.
Or she is suddenly discovering her husband is abusive and controlling and acting very strangely as a result.

Steer clear as she sounds like a bomb about to go off. If her marriage suddenly ends then it may be worth giving her another chance but she sounds quite emotional unstable and out to get people.

I think bin the diet book, write yours off to experience (maybe she will read it one day!) and simply cease communication.

I have done this with a couple of people who did fairly unkind things, which were kind of the last straw, and i've never looked back

How long have you known her (just skimmed back but can't see!).

the only appropriate response to the diet book is to laugh OP. that is so pantomime nasty it deserves complete derision. I'd send a very smiley message...

"hi, thanks for the book it was quite interesting, can I have my book back now? Another friend wants to borrow it "

She has tried so hard to upset you it will drive her crazy to think that she hasn't succeeded.

lol @ lottie, nice one

Oh my fucking god! This is war!
She beheaded my roses!!!!! They were one of the reasons I wanted this house! The old family had lived there for 50 odd years and had added a rose for each major mile stone in life. I was carrying on the tradition with adding to them and looking after the old ones (the family love close by and love that we care for the roses, one is in memory of their infant son who died). Some are really rare bit they're all beautiful, and they have no flowers anymore.
the bitch was clever and did it over the little wall so didn't actually enter my land.
(Is it safe to move established roses?)
Insinuate i'm fat, dismiss my beliefs but DO NOT attack roses that are in memory of a dead child and my lost babies.
she will pay.........

I'm with kickassangel. My first instinct to her change in personality is that her husband has turned out to be an abuser and she's struggling. It wouldn't be the first time a woman in an abusive relationship lashes out against women she deems 'safe' because of trauma. However, you do not have to remain in a friendship with someone who treats you like this - regardless of cause.

If it does turn out to be the husband, I'd leave the door open for her to come back so you can discuss her behaviour.

I called the non emergency police number to lodge a complaint but "there's not a lot that can be done" even though a neighbour saw her do ot.

What a fucking bitch! bloody hell. She is outrageous. The roses thing is criminal damage and it's disappointing the police won't do anything. I think you need to just try avoid her at all costs now. She is not worth it.

I've just seen a dog shit on the grass verge a little bit down the road.......oh, the temptation to put it through her door is so strong....

Do not lower yourself to her level.

She actually sounds a little deranged, was she always this vicious? I agree with PP, if she has only started being this much of a dick since she married, maybe everything in her garden is not as rosy as she would like you to think.

Secondary issue is that it's a back door way of making it appear as though feminism is only accessible and interesting to a smaller group of people (comprised mainly of lentil weavers with an axe to grind, to name something I've heard way too much), so various groups of the female population (in this case a group which would be considerably useful in a fight against feminist causes let's face it) are a) discouraged from exploring it and b) twats can point at the small number of people who are vocal feminists and tell people they're not popular aka not trustworthy, credible etc. And therefore actively reducing feminism's appeal and perceived legitimacy as a worthwhile cause, to whatever degree.

WTF?

Seriously?

The roses will flower again, no permanent harm done.

Just ignore her and hope she goes away. That is seriously bizarre behaviour.

Don't stoop to her level. She's clearly unhinged. Do you have mutual friends? What do they think about her at the moment? I'd wager you're not the only person being treated like this.

Lost 2 friends in RL....

Gained about 66 presently in mn fwr life.

I'm from Essex. Dread to think what she might make of me. I'd enjoy putting her straight tho!

:)

Real life is slightly overrated imo.

FWR however, is a hotbed of friendliness and fist bumps.

I am much more the friend's type of feminist. The last thing anyone on earth would do would be to call me a bimbo.

I always knew she had a mean side (once slept with get sisters boyfriend) and didn't seem to care if she upset people. But she could justify things so well, always had a reason.
We do have mutual friends but they're all busy with new stages of their lives (motherhood, new job....) Actually thinking about it our "group" have all recent entered new stages of life except her. I highly doubt they give her any time.
I'm ignoring her and drinking some yummy wine.......and trying not to think about pulling her hair out or scratching her car.

Ive recently got a new job and quickly achieved a promotion and I've worked bloody hard to get here. Starting from scratch with education etc. I've lost a few friends and a husband along the way people like you in a certain place when you start to move they can't accommodate it!! Very very odd I don't understand it but fuck em!!

Ferkin ell, that's a bit much. I was about the diet book. I was hoping you would escalate that with another feminist book (Woman Hating? Fat is a Feminist Issue?) through the door and commence the great feminist book war.

Haha I can just imagine me being arrested for beating her with a feminist book. Oh I love silly wine induced giggles!

commence the great feminist book war

I had a mental image of all of us behind barricades throwing solid tomes at quailing MRAs.

'hand me a Female Eunuch, Buffy, we've got them on the run'

people like you in a certain place when you start to move they can't accommodate it!

Especially true for women. Oddly enough, it doesn't happen so much to men.

at Fat is a Feminist Issue idea

capt

"We've got in-coming at 3 o'clock. Looks like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus "

I didn't know people like this actually existed outside of TV soaps and dramas! What a complete and utter evil cow!