The Gift of Fear

[Montmorency1]

When I was 12 or 14, I read most of [[http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198 The Gift of Fear] by Gavin de Becker.

Disclaimer: I had eclectic interests in my adolescence, and, uh, I gather I picked up the book with serious misconceptions as to its subject matter.

Anyway, the main thesis of the book is that fear, especially 'from the gut', is an invaluable defensive mechanism for isolated women and that when a woman feels fear, she should heed it by overcoming whatever social conditioning may be telling her to ignore or dismiss it as silly or unwarranted.

[Note: I'm just going off what I recall from nearly a decade ago, so if my characterization seems to show the book as focusing on one aspect of something over some other, just keep in mind that it's certain to be unrepresentative]

Some bits that stand out in my memory nearing a decade on:

1. Many rapists will seek to get to know you or familiarize themselves to you, at least in the short-term, to lower your defenses and inhibitions.

1.a. They will try to get you at ease while setting the trap/getting you isolated, such as the rapist who conned a woman into letting him up to her apartment under pretense of helping her feed her cat: "we've got a cat hungry up there..."

1. Ultimately, your safety is paramount, even at the expense of propriety.

2.a. For example, if some guy offers to help you load your groceries into your car-trunk, and you suddenly get an off-feeling, ask him to leave immediately. At worst, you've offended someone and unjustly impugned their character, but if he has some perspective then he will understand the situation perfectly well and will respect your sentiments. No stranger is entitled to enmesh themselves in your personal affairs, after all. (I figure this one would be a sore point for MRA types...)

1. Don't blame yourself if the worst happens.

Anyone else hear tell of this book? If so, what are your thoughts? If not, what do you make of these scraps I've managed to recall? Lord knows I found it pretty boring at the noted tender young age. I suppose I expected horror fiction or kickass pop-science, heh.

I actually read it a few months ago. Found it very, very interesting. I didn't agree with all of it, but the idea that we have "trained" ourselves to ignore our instincts, in the interests of preserving social niceties and not offending other people, rang very true.

Yes, I've read it, thanks. In fact, it was discussed on FWR book club, if you care to Advanced Search it.

"but if he has some perspective then he will understand the situation perfectly well and will respect your sentiments. "

The point of this part is that it doesn't matter on the slightest whether he understands or not. HTH.

Well, yes, that's what I pointed out. It's just that the author noted that a reasonable man will understand and respect the wishes of a woman he otherwise has no connection to anyway. It's the best case, in other words.