how many working mums rely on their own mum for unpaid whilst they work?

[Owllady]

I think this would be an interesting discussion to have alongside the the sahm one.

My mum worked in the 70s/80s whilst my gran and grandma looked after us
My aunt worked full time whilst her mil looked after hers
My cousins who work rely on their mum's to pick up childcare
My sil did the same with my mil

I worked around my h for the 15 yrs since we had children, or I used a childminder. It became intolerable to work though 18 months ago. My parents/in laws have nit even babysat for us in a decade and a half.

That's still loads of women picking up the childcare if the discussion is to be had, in my family any way

[Unsureif]

Not my mum no. She died. But my dad has looked after DS whilst I work for two days a week (he goes to nursery on the third day I work). We could afford for him to go to nursery for 3 days but, actually, my dad was pretty insistent that he does it and we were happy to go with that - he loves DS so much and doesn't see it as 'work'. IMO it's what families do/have always done. If he wasn't happy about if then we wouldn't do it.

Spanner's been thrown in a bit by me having DC2! We'll see what happens when I return to work next year :)

[GnomeDePlume]

Not at all. DH became SAHP when third DC arrived (having used CM & nursery for DC1 & DC2). We then moved abroad for my work so obviously not an option. It was never offered and we never expected it. GPs might do an evening's babysitting when they visited us but not often.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

I don't. I know people who do though and mil used to help out whilst DH got housework done.

[AmberTheCat]

My parents moved near us a few years ago because they wanted to be closer to their grandchildren (and us, I guess, but not quite as much ). They made it clear at the time, though, that while they would love to help out in holidays, and were happy to be called on occasionally at other times, they didn't want to be tied down to a regular schedule, as they like to go away a lot. Absolutely fine with us.

So they tend to have the kids a couple of days a week during school holidays (when we're not off as well), and if they're around are happy to do school pick up etc. if something disrupts our usual routine, which is incredibly helpful. Otherwise dp and I split things pretty evenly (we both work 0.8 FTE).

My dad does as much, if not more, with the kids as my mum, as he's fitter than she is.

[sleepyhead]

So were your parents who help with childcare all at retiral age when you had your dcs, or did they take early retirement, or were working part time, or not working for other reasons?

Most of my close friends had their first child well into their 30s, and as our parents mostly had their children in their 20s they were coming up to retirement, but if we'd had children in our 20s as well then I can't think of any of them where the grandparents to be weren't working full time.

I wonder how increasing the retirement age is going to affect the availability of family carers for the next generation? (and for the previous - my mum was providing a lot of care for her mother in the first few years of retirement. Mind you, she did for her inlaws as well when she was working and it nearly broke her)

[AmberTheCat]

Mine were still working when my children were very young. It's really only since they've been school age that mum and dad have been able to help out (and actually that timing was perfect, as school hours & holidays are much harder to work around than nursery hours).

I feel very lucky - when my parents were my age, they (well, largely my mum) were caring for their own parents as well as us, rather than being able to expect any help from them. I suspect that time will come for us at some point too, and that life will get significantly harder when it does.

[BrokenStar]

Mine were retired. I had ds at 35. My grandparents all died when I was a teenager.
Good point about the next generation with retirement age increasing. I would probably just about cope financially without the free childcare but there would be no treat days/activities/holidays etc for ds. We would be living very frugally indeed.

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

My mum worked full time as a teacher from a few days before I started school when I was 4.

I grew up resenting how luttle time we spent together and I always imagined if I could, I would be a sahm and find ways to spend more time with my children.

I was a sahm and have not worked full time since having children. I have had various part time jobs and since youngest has been in secondary and comfortable with the idea, I have started a small business working a couple of hours per school night. We have dinner together at the table every night.

Ironically I did spend a huge amount of time with my Dad growing up, whereas my husband works away feom home more often than not and Ive dealt with many a family crisis single handedly which I could not have done while in full time work.

[turgiday]

My mum paid neighbours to look after us. My gran was quite elderly and couldn't have coped with looking after us every day after school.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

My parents were retired when we had our DCs, but we were in our late 30s. Grandparent care wasn't in our plans though, they had said they wouldn't do it so we had planned for DS to go to nursery for all his childcare, but they decided to do one day a week and loved it.

They were not able to help with school day care as they live half an hour drive away and the logistics don't work. However they do have them for the odd day in the holidays.

My mum worked FT as a teacher from when we started school, the first few years we had to go to a neighbour's house after school, which wasn't great, but not too bad, really only a very distant memory now. Once we were 9 and 7 we were allowed to come home by ourselves and wait for mum to get home, which I absolutely loved and of course she was always there in the holidays.

[500smiles]

We had lots of help from my parents - my Mum when they were pre-school age a couple of days a week for my DCs and my sisters DCs (staggered ages).

Now it is mainly Dad that does it as Mum doesn't drive.

Never any help from PIL when they lived less than an hour away.

[catellington]

My DM is 65, she looks after dd two days a week, we pay her for those days but the odd overnight /babysitting / moral support etc comes free!

[MagnaCharge]

I do, my mum takes my children to school then later picks up DD and looks after her till I get home mid afternoon.
I only work 16hrs and didn't go back until they were both at school.
When my mum went back to work my paternal grandmother collected us each day. I can only assume DM had a better relationship with her MIL than I do with mine.

[makeminea6x]

My mum works part time. She and my Dad had my DD one day a week before I went on mat leave for DS. They were really keen, which I had never expected/planned for. She will have both children when I finish mat leave (my Dad died).

Both FIL and MIL would love to help us in this way but they live 4 hours a way. FIL has retired though and often offers to come and help for a few days. He has done this a few times since DS was born.

[SqueezedMiddle]

Yep. My mum's mum did school pick ups for us every day, as my mum was a full time teacher (not in our school).

My mum does school pick up for me and after school childcare 2-3 days a week.

[CPtart]

No. My mum simply refused to do it on a regular basis (too tying) but does help out in the half terms if she's around.
Must admit I don't blame her in the slightest. I too, plan to spend my retirement perusing my own interests or travelling, rather than doing the school run week in week out through some misplaced sense of duty.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

When i was working DS went to nursery. My mum works full time in a very rewarding job that she loves. I wouldnt ask her to give that up and she wouldnt either. I was lucky that my job was 9-5 and childcare close to work so nursery suited. Dcs are at school now so my job search i focussing aroun those hours with a view to using afterschool clubs and CMer.

[APipkinOfPepper]

My mum looks after the DCs one day a week and we use childcare for the other days I work.

She gave up work when she had children, and has never gone back full time. We discussed if she would like to do it, and how many days/hours, beforehand - we'd have used childcare if she hadn't wanted to. The DCs love their "grandma day"!

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

Forgot to say, I never had access to any family help to get back to work. Either we didn't live near enough or they were not well enough.

[JaneParker]

No, no parental help and my parents had none either and I won't be giving any to my children as I will be working full time. We used a daily nanny.

[BeeBawBabbity]

Parents did all the childcare for me. They relocated across country too. My Mum didn't work due to a chronic illness, my Dad had taken early retirement (it was redundancy really). Between them they looked after my kids while I worked part time. We could have afforded childcare, and all of their help was volunteered rather than asked for. But we eagerly accepted.

I'm an only child. I think that does influence these things as they knew they wouldn't have to do the same for one or more siblings.

[MarathonFan]

I was very fortunate to have free family childcare - I would have probably abandoned my career without it but it was my Dad who gave us 2 days a week. He retired early but Mum was still working f-t.

I have 2 DSs and they have both benefited tremendously from a close relationship with their Grandad. DS1 is now 13 and although my Dad is a man of his time and not one for heart to hearts etc, it will be Grandad DS1 seeks out when everything's getting a bit much for him.

[Jeebus]

My mother in law is very old, and father in law is dead, so neither have ever been able to do much in the way of childcare. My dad did a lot, but he is dead too - what is it about the patriarchy not being able to prolong men's lifespans? A serious oversight!

My mum has always been there to help, and still does even thought he kids are teenagers. Can't keep her away, to be honest.

I am heartened by this thread. Seems like lots of men are no longer child-phobic.

[TitusFlavius]

Nope, I had to look after my mum until she died, not the other way around.

MIL is lovely but lives two hours away by public transport, so not really available for childcare.