how many working mums rely on their own mum for unpaid whilst they work?

[Owllady]

I think this would be an interesting discussion to have alongside the the sahm one.

My mum worked in the 70s/80s whilst my gran and grandma looked after us
My aunt worked full time whilst her mil looked after hers
My cousins who work rely on their mum's to pick up childcare
My sil did the same with my mil

I worked around my h for the 15 yrs since we had children, or I used a childminder. It became intolerable to work though 18 months ago. My parents/in laws have nit even babysat for us in a decade and a half.

That's still loads of women picking up the childcare if the discussion is to be had, in my family any way

[HugoTheHippo]

My MIL will be taking DD for two days a week when I go back to work soon. She'll be in nursery the rest of the time. I'm very happy about this arrangement as it'll save us money and I'm glad DD will forge a strong relationship with her Gran, but I wouldn't say we're relying on it. MIL offered, she wants to do it, we gratefully accept.

[Thurlow]

On a day to day basis, DP and I both work f/t but different hours/shifts so we do all the drop off and pick ups and don't have any family doing regular childcare.

Having said that - FIL and my parents both live within about an hour's drive, and are both relied on in emergencies.

My DM is better with having DD than I thought she might be, but before I had children she did - nicely - make it very clear that she has raised her children, she doesn't want to be doing it all over again.

Though I am making long-term plans based on them probably moving to our town when they retire and so being able to help out a little more with older DC

[deepinthewoods]

agreeandcake. OUr children are our responsibility- our parent's raised us, they have no responsiblity to care for our children. If they do then that's a bonus, not a right.

[Andcake]

I am shocked by people feeling 'resentful' of parents not helping - I know circumstances are sometimes not easy but childcare was something we definitely have taken into account when planning our family and I wouldn't expect anything of our parents even though we see them regularly.
It's nice if they offer and do - but 'resentful' seems harsh.

[CPtart]

It's hard to not feel resentful weather. I have memories of sleepovers at my grandparents but my DM just doesn't seem that interested. Ds1 has slept over once when he was 12 months old and we went to a wedding and Ds2 never has done. They are now 9 and 11. Childcare has cost me over £50k over the years and I'm still paying for it. I have a one hour window once a week to cover after school but no, she won't do it.
(Is currently in Lanzarote completely forgetting Ds2 birthday last week. No card, no present, no text, nothing.)

[weatherall]

This is something that pisses me off about my mum, and my dad for that matter.

They had free childcare for work when I was a baby though primary school.

My dad's aunt was basically my nanny from when I was 6 months old for 3 days a week.

My GPs had me after school.

However when I had my DCs, even though they had semi retired (and were only in 50s/60s) they saw me paying out £400 PCM for childcare as a single parent.

Years later in still struggling to pay off the debt I got I to to pay for childcare (didn't get childcare tax credit).

It really pisses me off.

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

On mat leave with DC2 at the moment but I can count on one hand how many times I needed my mum to help with childcare when at work with DC1. It was purely for my night shifts if DH was going to be home later than I had to leave. He would know well in advance so could give my mum plenty of notice and would be a couple hours at the most.

My day shift she would be at childminder.

[Andcake]

Dp looks after ds whilst I work - mostly a sahd. My mum has done a day when DP was sick and I had to work.
DP and I would probably hate to have our mums round all the time - we love seeing them but for fun - also we are a bit older so naturally our mums are late 60's as well but I'm not sure their ages have factored into it - it's just we are independent adults who wouldn't dream of having kids we couldn't afford/manage to look after ourselves.

[worldgonecrazy]

My parents are full-time carers for my DD as we both work long hours. If we didn't have them around, then DH would have to give up his current job and look for something more flexible/part time.

[TitusFlavius]

Nope, I had to look after my mum until she died, not the other way around.

MIL is lovely but lives two hours away by public transport, so not really available for childcare.

[Jeebus]

My mother in law is very old, and father in law is dead, so neither have ever been able to do much in the way of childcare. My dad did a lot, but he is dead too - what is it about the patriarchy not being able to prolong men's lifespans? A serious oversight!

My mum has always been there to help, and still does even thought he kids are teenagers. Can't keep her away, to be honest.

I am heartened by this thread. Seems like lots of men are no longer child-phobic.

[MarathonFan]

I was very fortunate to have free family childcare - I would have probably abandoned my career without it but it was my Dad who gave us 2 days a week. He retired early but Mum was still working f-t.

I have 2 DSs and they have both benefited tremendously from a close relationship with their Grandad. DS1 is now 13 and although my Dad is a man of his time and not one for heart to hearts etc, it will be Grandad DS1 seeks out when everything's getting a bit much for him.

[BeeBawBabbity]

Parents did all the childcare for me. They relocated across country too. My Mum didn't work due to a chronic illness, my Dad had taken early retirement (it was redundancy really). Between them they looked after my kids while I worked part time. We could have afforded childcare, and all of their help was volunteered rather than asked for. But we eagerly accepted.

I'm an only child. I think that does influence these things as they knew they wouldn't have to do the same for one or more siblings.

[JaneParker]

No, no parental help and my parents had none either and I won't be giving any to my children as I will be working full time. We used a daily nanny.

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

Forgot to say, I never had access to any family help to get back to work. Either we didn't live near enough or they were not well enough.

[APipkinOfPepper]

My mum looks after the DCs one day a week and we use childcare for the other days I work.

She gave up work when she had children, and has never gone back full time. We discussed if she would like to do it, and how many days/hours, beforehand - we'd have used childcare if she hadn't wanted to. The DCs love their "grandma day"!

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

When i was working DS went to nursery. My mum works full time in a very rewarding job that she loves. I wouldnt ask her to give that up and she wouldnt either. I was lucky that my job was 9-5 and childcare close to work so nursery suited. Dcs are at school now so my job search i focussing aroun those hours with a view to using afterschool clubs and CMer.

[CPtart]

No. My mum simply refused to do it on a regular basis (too tying) but does help out in the half terms if she's around.
Must admit I don't blame her in the slightest. I too, plan to spend my retirement perusing my own interests or travelling, rather than doing the school run week in week out through some misplaced sense of duty.

[SqueezedMiddle]

Yep. My mum's mum did school pick ups for us every day, as my mum was a full time teacher (not in our school).

My mum does school pick up for me and after school childcare 2-3 days a week.

[makeminea6x]

My mum works part time. She and my Dad had my DD one day a week before I went on mat leave for DS. They were really keen, which I had never expected/planned for. She will have both children when I finish mat leave (my Dad died).

Both FIL and MIL would love to help us in this way but they live 4 hours a way. FIL has retired though and often offers to come and help for a few days. He has done this a few times since DS was born.

[MagnaCharge]

I do, my mum takes my children to school then later picks up DD and looks after her till I get home mid afternoon.
I only work 16hrs and didn't go back until they were both at school.
When my mum went back to work my paternal grandmother collected us each day. I can only assume DM had a better relationship with her MIL than I do with mine.

[catellington]

My DM is 65, she looks after dd two days a week, we pay her for those days but the odd overnight /babysitting / moral support etc comes free!

[500smiles]

We had lots of help from my parents - my Mum when they were pre-school age a couple of days a week for my DCs and my sisters DCs (staggered ages).

Now it is mainly Dad that does it as Mum doesn't drive.

Never any help from PIL when they lived less than an hour away.